


Flickering Beauty

by DRHPaints



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom, Doc Now - Fandom, Documentary Now - Fandom, Documentary Now! (TV 2015)
Genre: 1960s, 1970s New York, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ballroom, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, Caretaking, Character Death, Dancing, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, Injury Recovery, Internalized Transphobia, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Multi, NaNoWriMo 2020, Sandy Passage, Sappy, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Sex Work, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, TransFemme!Vivvy, Transgender, Transitioning, Transphobia, ball culture, trans lesbian sex, transphobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 55,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Little Vivvy is away from her family, and her wealth, for the first time in 1970s New York. As she tries to make it as a dancer, Vivvy undergoes the early stages of her transition and stumbles upon the accepting Ball scene, as well as some struggles of being a trans woman trying to live an authentic life.
Relationships: Vivianne ‘Little Vivvy’ Van Kimpton/Original Male Character, Vivianne ‘Little Vivvy’ Van Kimpton/Original Trans Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I realize some may take issue with a character played by Bill Hader being portrayed as transfeminine. Please know that I am a trans author and no offense is intended. I simply enjoy playing with gender and am very much in love with that wonky goof.
> 
> Also, this story will venture into some darker territory. But trust me when I tell you that the light at the end of the tunnel will be *blinding* because I love Little Vivvy with my whole heart, and in the words of John Mulaney: THAT’S MY WIFE!
> 
> This is being written for National Novel Writing Month 2020. Please check the tags with each new chapter, as I will add warnings etc as I go along.
> 
> TW/CW: I have decided that I will be using words like ‘cock’ etc to refer to Little Vivvy’s genitalia. I have not done this in previous fics of hers, but this is something I came to as a result of being more comfortable with my own in the opposite direction. I apologize if the dysphoric nature of this prevents anyone from reading this story. Please feel free to request a Vivvy fic tailored to your liking, I would absolutely love to write it for you!

Sifting through the rack, Vivvy eyed the cashier, scoffing as she pushed past another blouse.  _ Why can’t women’s sizing be regulated? _ It wasn’t often Vivvy thought men got things right, but when it came to clothes they certainly did. Everytime Vivvy attempted to buy a skirt or a dress, thinking she discovered her size, a different brand would inevitably drape awkwardly, or be too slim in the waist, and Vivvy would end up with yet another piece she couldn’t use.

Vivvy couldn’t bring them into the dressing room to try on. She didn’t even dare hold a garment up to herself to compare in the outside mirror. Of course she knew returning was always an option. Vivvy might stroll in, tug on her tie and laugh with the salesgirl, casually say her girlfriend didn’t like the color as she desperately hoped she didn’t notice the stretched out shoulders.

But Vivvy was too cautious for that. Selecting a couple of items she thought might work, Vivvy brought her purchases to the front, smoothing over her button up and thanking the cashier, anxious to get home.

Once inside, Vivvy was thankful for her off campus apartment, not for the first time. Initially Mother tried to convince Vivvy she should live at the school, have a roommate, socialize more. But with enough pleading Vivvy secured a small monthly stipend from Mother that allowed her independence. And with that, Vivvy got to be Vivvy for the first time.

No one knew. Not yet. After three months of slogging through financial courses at NYU, Vivvy slowly amassed the supplies she needed, but had yet to summon the courage to go outside. So, as Vivvy shed her trousers and linen shirt, unwrapping the department store garments with care, she weighed her options.

The first time Mother caught Vivvy, she was a tender seven years old, stomping around in Mother’s heels with red lipstick so bright it was almost orange smeared about her lips and singing along far too loudly, and far too off key, to Glenn Miller’s  _ Chattanooga Choo Choo. _

Initially Mother thought it was cute. Compared to Brendan and Michael, Vivvy was quiet, soft, and her mother appreciated that Vivvy was rarely the one responsible for breaking things around the house or getting into scrapes with neighborhood children that ‘reflected badly on the Van Kimpton name.’

But as Vivvy’s feet began to fill the heels, Mother didn’t find it so endearing when she caught a thirteen year old Vivvy hiding a bra beneath her bed. When Vivvy lied, said it was so she could practice taking it off of girls, Mother shamed her for lustful thoughts, but the glint in her eye held words unsaid.

At 17, Vivvy thought she was being careful. Thought she made a plan, and that there was no way anyone else would find out. But, Mother saw. She saw Vivvy in the dress, the shoes, the makeup. Silent, she turned off the light, decrepit body hauling itself back upstairs, head hung low. “ _ Vivvy...how could you _ .”

Vivvy agreeing to business school must’ve soothed Mother’s fears. She probably thought Vivvy was out meeting some young coed who she would bring home for Christmas and give a ‘ring by spring,’ hoping to add another branch to the Van Kimpton tree before her final days.

How her mother never noticed Vivvy’s complete lack of girlfriends was a mystery. She supposed parents saw what they wanted to see, blinders necessary in order to believe they raised their children with some semblance of whatever they considered to be ‘good and proper.’

Of course there was Lucille. Mother, and many others, likely thought Vivvy and Lucille were dating all through high school. Vivvy was blessed to discover Lucille early on freshman year, becoming close friends and bonding over their mutual love of theater, dancing, and performance.

One night after the Winter showing of  _ Anything Goes _ , Lucille tearfully confessed she was having feelings she didn’t understand for Mary, the girl who played Reno Sweeney who, Vivvy realized, was the reason why Mary dragged her to four performances. When Vivvy reassured her, and told her she was attracted to Martin, equally terrified about telling anyone else, that cemented a bond that lasted until graduation.

Unfortunately Lucille went across the country to Berkeley, and Vivvy missed her dearly, though Lucille’s letters speaking of California’s abundant free love and her first date with a real, actual woman, where they even went out to a cafe and held hands for a few minutes, made Vivvy weep with joy on her behalf.

Vivvy didn’t have much experience with men. Or anyone for that matter. Except, again, Lucille. One night, a week before they knew they had to say goodbye, they threw up their hands in defeat and figured, what the hell. Let’s see if we can make ourselves be what our families have wanted all along.

They couldn’t. Vivvy on top of her, she and Lucille laughed practically the whole time. It wasn’t that it didn’t feel...nice...ish. It was that it was unnatural. Like a fish walking on land. Clunky. They both agreed that, if it came down to it and they hit 40 and remained alone, they would get married, albeit chastely. A particularly poignant decision for Lucille, as, unless a ring were placed on her finger, she got no part of her father’s inheritance.

That was seven years ago, though. Last Vivvy heard, Lucille was dating a woman named Roxanne and it was going well, though she sounded a tad wild. But Vivvy’s last letter, sent six months before, never got a response and her heart hurt too deeply to continue pestering Lucille with tales of her misery.

Mother’s ill health prevented Vivvy from going to college right after high school and so she bided her time, serving food and doing what she could to keep the house from falling into further disrepair as she remained in the stranglehold of a name and a form that didn’t fit.

But now, now Vivvy was in  _ New York City!  _ And as she wriggled the new red dress overhead, tugging it over her hips, she stepped into her white heels and skipped to the mirror. Vivvy peeked and gasped, forgetting her head scarf and doubling back. She started growing out her hair, but for now all she had was short, chestnut waves and a hairline that, though she hated to admit it, was floating away and leaving dark strands on her pillowcase.

Tossing the black fabric overhead, Vivvy grabbed her meager makeup bag and went to the mirror once more. Applying the products was a struggle. Some of the things, she wasn’t even sure what they were supposed to accomplish. And again, Vivvy couldn’t very well use any of the designated store testers when she was pretending to buy them for her phantom ‘girlfriend.’

And so Vivvy’s foundation was a touch dark. Her eyeliner tragically uneven (though she partially blamed that on the fact that her eyes were, in fact, visibly different sizes) and the lipstick wasn’t her shade, but as Vivvy took in her reflection, she twirled and smiled.

_ Maybe tonight. Maybe I’ll try tonight…  _ Stepping back, Vivvy eyed the crimson dress closely. Holding a hand under her sock-made bust. Fingers nipping her waist. Rubbing her little belly with a frown. Turning around to peek at her backside and  _ tsking. _

Vivvy leaned in close, touched her face, sighed.  _ Well, if I’m going to try tonight, I need to shave again.  _ Disrobing, Vivvy got into the shower. For Vivvy, shaving was a gargantuan task. She didn’t understand  _ why _ her body had to produce a plethora of hair everywhere else except on her scalp. Saving her face for last, she used a fresh razor, hoping to get as close as possible. No matter what she did it seemed the stubble popped up within a few hours, though, like thousands of unwelcome guests at a dinner party that Vivvy had no idea how to uninvite.

Body smooth and soap sudsing, Vivvy’s mind drifted once again to Martin. She figured herself pathetic for continuing to nurse a crush on the man since high school, but Vivvy couldn’t help it. He was, for all her purposes anyway, perfect.

When Vivvy first arrived in New York she couldn’t resist looking him up, inviting Martin out to lunch. And even though his suggestion of the Russian Tea Room consumed her monthly spending money, Vivvy deemed it worth it as she swooned across from his tumbling blond hair, his green eyes that perpetually laughed, his skin, golden, toasted, and as in all years previous Vivvy wanted nothing more than to bite into him and savor.

But of course, Martin saw her as nothing more than an old high school buddy, had no idea of her attraction as he waxed on about how he strove to make partner at his firm, how his wife,  _ Cynthia,  _ had a second rat on the way, how he liked the new Benz well enough but ‘it could get better gas mileage.’ 

Picking at her chicken, Vivvy hitched a wide smile on her face, tried to be happy for him, tried to think of something even vaguely impressive from her own life to counter with, tried to let her expression remain at least neutral when Martin suggested they get together again sometime, but she feared she failed as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her slacks, scurrying towards the subway while Martin hopped in his Mercedes, and vowed to stick to her memory of him whenever the urge to call gathered in her loins.

But now, water cascading over her as she stood in the shower, the mere image of his smiling face, his hands, with their elegant, lengthy fingers, excited Vivvy. Closing her eyes, Vivvy wrapped a palm around her cock. Her other hand found her entrance, fiddling inside slightly as she rested her wide back to the wall and lost herself in reverie.

Vivvy consistently imagined the same fantasy. Martin gentle. Martin tender. Martin calling her beautiful as he gathered up her skirt, unwrapping her body like a precious gift, kissing her painted lips. But sometimes as her hand tugged the head of her erection, Vivvy’s other arm struggled to hold reality at bay. 

_ No way.  _ Vivvy’s mind would rudely interrupt, startling her out of her fantasy.  _ Martin could never want you. You’re hideous. This would never happen. And besides...he likes  _ real _ women. _

In those instances, Vivvy would soften between her legs and harden in her chest, willing to give anything to make the voice untrue, or at the least quiet it for a time. 

But tonight the ferryman allowed the dream passage and Vivvy released with a tumbling sigh, rivulets of water washing herself clean. Toweling off, Vivvy attacked her face with the cosmetics, using a precise eye this time as the noises of the New York night floated up to her from the street below. Deeming it good enough, she shimmied into the dress and heels once more, donned her head scarf, and Vivvy switched her way to the door. 

How many times? How many times had Vivvy stood in this exact spot, in a variety of outfits with the same white heels, as they were the only pair she found in her size, holding the knob and breathing. Just breathing. Vivvy didn’t know if she waited for two minutes or twenty. Sometimes she would get far enough that she cracked the door open. And once, a bit over a week ago, she even heard someone stomping down the hallway, hurriedly slamming it shut and scuttling back to her bedroom to disrobe, even though there was no possibility they saw.

_ Do it, Viv. Just do it. You want this life? Go take it.  _ Closing her eyes, Vivvy whipped the door open. Peeking.  _ No one there _ .  _ Good.  _ Vivvy tiptoed outside, broad shoulders curled inwards as she hastily locked the door behind her. Heart thrumming and hands clammy, Vivvy cautiously trickled down the stairs, deep blue eyes darting and coral lips parted as she reached the landing. 

Vivvy peered out through the window alongside the entryway, spotting a couple rounding the opposite corner, but otherwise the street appeared deserted.  _ Alright. Go. Now. _

Chilly air hitting her shapely legs, Vivvy realized in her anxiety over getting outside, she forgot to grab her coat. But, as she pumped her hands and bounced on her heels, Vivvy figured it was good practice, being fully exposed in her dress to the night, telling herself to inhale, to exhale. 

_ It’s dark. There’s no one around. You’re fine. You can do this. Just five minutes. Make it five minutes, that’s all you have to do.  _ A distant laugh. A step over concrete. 

Vivvy choked, flipping around, frantically trying to jam her key into the lock, but her hands were cold and uncoordinated. Jingling to the ground, she hastily picked them up, crossing the threshold just as a group of men came into view and leaping the stairs two at a time, careless of how much thigh she exposed as she shakily fought to get back inside of her apartment before her eyes overflowed.

Door banging shut behind her, Vivvy kicked off the heels and collapsed into bed, burying her face in the pillow. Sobbing, trembling, when Vivvy eventually calmed, her makeup smeared pillowcase was a distorted mask mocking her failure, taunting her until Vivvy tore it off, yanking the dress overhead and leaving it in a pile on the floor as she went to the bathroom to wash her face. 

Curling into bed, when the tears came again, Vivvy resented them, resented her eyes for weeping, resented her body for its foreign nature, resented New York for giving her hope. But more than anything Vivvy resented herself. Resented herself for thinking she deserved an authentic life, a glimmer of happiness, when it was keenly apparent fate served merely darkness.

***

Vivvy nearly tossed away her clothing and makeup. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Or the second. Over the years Vivvy tried to rid herself of this thing, this entity within her, on numerous occasions. At first, as Vivvy was violently suggested by Mother, she tried ‘giving it up to God.’ But no amount of prayer, of Bible study, of time spent staring at the ceiling in the dusty church, made her yearn any less to sneak into Mother’s closet once she left to do the shopping.

Then Vivvy resorted to more extreme measures to try and stop. The razors. The lit matches. Her thighs a massacre below her school uniform as she trudged through the halls, face fallen and eyes heavy as her soul screamed, no one around to listen.

Until Lucille. Vivvy hoped Lucille knew how grateful she was. She thanked her in years since, of course, but she thought she’d never truly be able to express her debt enough. 

One summer’s day, Lucille invited her over and, August and deathly hot, suggested they jump in the pool.

“Oh, um…” Shifting nervously from foot to foot, Vivvy shook her head. “I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”

Lucille waved a hand dismissively. “Aw, that’s alright. Just wear your briefs.” Nudging Vivvy with an elbow, she winked. “You know I’m not looking at you like that, anyway.”

Vivvy gave her a nervous smile and nodded. “Yeah.., but Luce, I...I…” Tears eking out, Vivvy brought a trembling hand to her mouth.

“Hey...hey, what’s...what’s going on?” Lucille approached her, placing a hand gently on Vivvy’s vast shoulder.

Shaking her head, Vivvy suppressed a sob. “I...I can’t take my pants off, Luce….”

“Oh…” Lucille rubbed her arm consolingly. “I know you’re probably self conscious, or whatever, but...it’s fine. I don’t look great, either. Come on. The pool is great. It’ll be fun.”

Vivvy wiped her face, staring up and blinking rapidly. “No, it’s not that, um…” Sighing, she let her arms fall. “I have...there are…” Taking a deep breath, when Vivvy spoke again her voice was the ghost of a whisper. “Some marks. On my legs…”

“What do you mean?” Furrowing her brow, Lucille tilted her head.

“I…” Vivvy rubbed her elbow with the opposite hand. “I’ve been...hurting myself...a little…”

Mouth falling open, Lucille took Vivvy by the chin and tried to catch her eye, but Vivvy’s cobalt gaze stayed staunchly on the ground. “What? You...Vic, that’s…” Cupping the back of Vivvy’s neck, Lucille lowered her voice. “Why would you do that to yourself? You don’t…” Throat tight, Lucille drew in close. “Do you want to die, Vic?”

Vivvy did meet Lucille’s stare then, cheeks wet and lip quivering. “Yes.” Eyes squeezing out another trail of grief, she nodded wearily. “I’m sorry, Luce. I do...I can’t…” Covering her pink lips, Vivvy collapsed into the chair, hands over her face. “I just can’t do it anymore!”

Alarmed, Lucille knelt beside her. “Do what, Vic?” She asked softly, rubbing circles into his wide back. Vivvy shook her head, tears dripping off her patrician nose onto her uniform slacks. “Please. Just tell me. Vic, I…” Lucille touched her knee, bending forward. “I promise, whatever it is I won’t say anything to anyone. And I’ll still be your friend. I just...I want you to…” Voice wavering, Vivvy saw the flood overtake Lucille’s eyes. “I need you to be okay, Victor, because...because you’re all I have, alright?” She took Vivvy’s hand, squeezing hard. “You’re my friend. My only real friend and if...if you go away…” Lucille shook her head vehemently, a gasping sob ripping from her chest. “I...I don’t think I’ll make it without you. So please. Please, just tell me. If there’s anything I can do. Please.”

“It’s...it’s hard to explain…” Tone water-logged, Vivvy picked at nothing on her slacks.

Lucille came to join her on the next chair. “Will you try at least? Please? I’ll listen. Just take your time.”

Vivvy nodded slowly. “Alright, so, it’s kind of like...you know how…” Blinking, Vivvy stared out the window and narrowed her eyes. “Have you ever heard two people singing? And they try to harmonize? And they both go for the notes, but miss? And that clash? That...that grinding, uncomfortable noise? You know that?”

“Yeah…” Lucille bobbed her head, trying to follow along.

“So…” Gesturing to her chest, Vivvy swallowed. “That’s how I feel. In...inside. Like…” Licking her lips, Vivvy sniffed. “Like my body, it’s, um...it was trying to be a man, right? But my...my heart or soul or whatever, it’s...I…” Nose flaring, Vivvy let her shaking hand fall to her knee. “It’s a woman…” When Lucille didn’t respond, Vivvy was compelled to explain. “I don’t...I don’t know what this….but...I...it’s been inside me forever, and, um…” Shaking her head, Vivvy gave a sad smile. “It’s not going away. It’s just getting worse. I...Maybe if I saw a doctor or something, but…” Vivvy bit her lip. “I’m scared of what they might say.”

“Vic…” Placing a hand over hers, Lucille leaned in, voice low. “Whatever you do, do  _ not _ go to a doctor, alright?” Vivvy glanced up and Lucille’s eyes were wide with fear.

“Why not?” Vivvy blinked. “Maybe they can make it stop. I…” Fresh tears threatening, Vivvy shuddered. “I don’t think I can handle much more of this, Luce.”

Lucille nodded carefully, eyes shifting back towards the house before she came near. “Alright, but, Vic, I...so...what you’re saying? Feeling like a woman inside? I’ve heard of this. It’s...I think you might be a...a transsexual.”

Dipping her head down, Vivvy knit her dark eyebrows together. “Transsexual? What...I’ve never heard of that. You mean...other people...I...it’s not just me?”

Head moving gravely back and forth, Lucille’s mouth was a flat line. “So we had this...I think he was an uncle or a cousin, whatever. But he...no one talks about him much, and when they do…” Lucille’s eyes shifted and she made a face. “It’s not...well, they say he liked to wear dresses, wigs, call him a...a…” “ Lowering her voice to a whisper, Lucille looked apologetic “ _ Fag.  _ Things like that...but...he was disinherited. And I heard...I heard they took him to a doctor at first. When he was too young to say ‘no’ and, um…” Lucille chewed on her lip, her grip on Vivvy’s hand pincer-like. “They...they gave him electroshock, Vic.”

Bile bubbling in Vivvy’s throat, she settled back in her chair. “Oh…”

“Yes, so…” Lucille held onto Vivvy’s sharp jaw. “Don’t tell  _ anyone _ . At least until we get out of Connecticut, alright? But...but…” Combing back Vivvy’s hair, Lucille fought a smile onto her face. “You hold on until then, alright? Because we will get out. And my uncle? I don’t...I mean I’m not in touch with him or whatever, but…” Shrugging, Lucille let her arms fall. “From the sound of it he’s off on his own and lives as a woman and the family doesn’t bother with him, so...so, it’s…it’s possible. Just don’t give up, okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Vivvy nodded. “I’ll try. Thank you, Luce.” Pulling her in for a hug, Vivvy patted Lucille’s back. “Damn, I wish we could run away together now. The idea of leaving Connecticut seems so far away.”

“Yeah…” Lucille squeezed her knee consolingly. “But...maybe there are little ways to escape while we’re stuck here? Small things you can do to get through?”

Blinking, Vivvy tilted her head. “Like what?”

And that’s how Lucille began the process of introducing Vivvy to womanhood. Though Lucille was a bit of a tomboy, she was happy to share her secret knowledge with Vivvy, and the lessons were invaluable. Not only did she teach Vivvy how to do her makeup, Lucille bought Vivvy panties to wear under her school clothes, instructed her on how to walk once they excitedly found the size 16 white pumps at a thrift store, and helped Vivvy perfect her tone and cadence as she tested out her feminine voice.

Ultimately Vivvy held onto her womanly possessions, stuffing the box in her closet as she glanced at the clock and a smile blossomed over her face. Her only time without a mind-numbing business course, Thursdays were Vivvy’s absolute favorite for one reason: dance class.

After rent, tuition, food, and the exorbitant cost of being a woman, Vivvy barely had enough to afford to join the group of people stretching in the tiny Brooklyn studio, but if it meant eating pasta for a week or walking past a dress empty handed and frowning, it was worth it for Vivvy’s love of the craft.

Despite the wall of mirrors and the people twittering around her, when Vivvy danced, during those moments when her shapely legs extended and her pink lips smiled, she didn’t have an ounce of self consciousness, spinning and dipping about the floor, allowing the music to possess her body, to encapsulate her entire being until Vivvy was no longer dancing, she was dance itself.

In addition to the sweaty exhilaration she came away with, Vivvy appreciated that within these walls, no one expected her to be particularly manly. Everyone virtually assumed a young man taking a dance class in Brooklyn was as gay as a tree full of cockatiels, and, based on the other attendees, Vivvy was in good company. 

“Nice job today.” Ms. Drawlins, the teacher, approached Vivvy with a warm smile.

“Oh, thank you.” Vivvy scrunched her fingers through her damp, dark tendrils. “I adore the class. Thank you so much for having me.”

Chuckling, Ms. Drawlins shook her head. “You paid the tuition, Victor. You don’t need to thank me.”

Vivvy lifted a shoulder sheepishly. “Yes, well...all the same.”

“I’ll see you next week. Keep up the good work. And don’t forget to stretch.” Patting Vivvy’s elbow, Ms. Drawlins grinned and Vivvy gave her a tiny wave before shrugging into her coat to face the chill.

At home, Vivvy stared blankly at her typewriter for the better part of an hour, eventually giving up on her term paper before showering and shaving once more. Riding high from dance, Vivvy gritted her teeth as she smeared the lipstick on and smoothed her hands over her dress. Dolled up and as ready as ever, halfway to the door she paused. Turning around, Vivvy rifled in her dresser, unearthing a small red, wooden box.

Clasp long since broken, Vivvy lifted the lid. Inside were numerous trinkets. Ticket stubs from the first Broadway show her and Lucille skipped school to drive to the city to see. Petals from the flower Martin kept in the buttonhole of his suit jacket which Vivvy shamefully fished from the trash when he tossed it away after prom. A piece of quartz from the beach when she and Lucille found a private spot where Vivvy shed her clothes and for one glorious day wore Lucille’s old bathing suit stretched tight about her chest, laughing endlessly as they splashed through the water sparkling under the August sun.

But amongst the collection lay Vivvy’s grandmother’s earrings. Moonstone and pearl with silver posts, Vivvy lifted them, allowing the soft beauty to catch the light and smiling. Vivvy didn’t remember her grandmother clearly. Grandmama was a hazy fog of perfume with far too many sharp notes of alcohol, squeezing arms, pinched limbs, and hair that was always just this side of blue in its severely embossed, immobile glory. 

Vivvy wasn’t sure how she came to be the one who possessed the earrings. Maybe she snatched them from her sister Marion’s jewelry box when she was too young to protest. Who knows, but Vivvy adored them. And, despite not recalling much about Grandmama, she liked to think she might have approved of Vivvy, and would have wanted her to have them.

The only memory she did possess, and Vivvy wasn’t quite certain it was real, maybe a hopeful dream, was of toddling up to Grandmama in her Sunday best, her wrinkled face high above and her gnarled hand reaching out to grip Vivvy’s cheek as she cooed, “ _ Oh what a pretty thing you are! _ ”

Her ears unpierced, Vivvy clicked back to the bathroom and pinned the pearls to her collar, tapping her makeshift broach with a smile and, with her winter jacket on this time, adjusted her head scarf and took a deep breath.

Vivvy made it outside.  _ Footsteps. No.  _ But a small figure materialized at the end of the street. A woman walking alone. Freezing on her stoop, Vivvy resolved herself. If she was going to be seen by anyone in public for the first time, this was likely the best situation possible. Stranger drawing near, Vivvy winced, body curling away.  _ Here it comes. Pointing. Laughter. She’ll know right away... _

But the woman never looked up, staring ahead and striding purposefully. Vivvy was reminded of last week when she headed to the subway and an elderly woman’s deli bag split open in front of her. Vivvy bent down to help, but as she did so at least two dozen others walked past, or through, the tumbling groceries, oblivious to the old woman’s plight as they doggedly went about their day. 

This was New York, after all. And As Vivvy took a cautious step onto the sidewalk, she had distraction on her side. Forcing herself to stay out for another ten minutes, a man loafed by with his dog, face buried in a scarf against the biting wind and not meeting Vivvy’s eye as he passed.

When Vivvy got back inside, pink cheeked and exhilarated, she did a tiny jump, clapping her hands. As the holiday break approached, Vivvy gradually became bolder. After a week, she went around the block, head down the whole way and nearly breaking her neck when her heel caught a patch on black ice and her arms wheeled in the air. After two weeks, Vivvy timidly ventured down a couple of blocks to the shopping district. A few curious eyes trailed after her, and Vivvy folded a lip under, holding her jacket lapel tight as she scuttled down the sidewalk, but no one said anything, no one followed her home, no one called the police, and Vivvy considered it a successful venture once she returned to her apartment and kicked off her pumps.

On the second to last day before returning to Connecticut for Christmas, Vivvy tucked her wallet into her pocket and strolled to the 24 hour cafe. Vivvy promised that, as a gift to herself, she would buy one cup of coffee, and try to sip it without shame in public.

“Here you go, honey.” Hair prematurely gray, the waitress patted her large hand with a weary smile and Vivvy wanted to leap across the counter to pull her into an enormous hug, though she knew the poor woman wouldn’t understand why such a minuscule gesture and comment was monumentally moving and instead chose to blow over the surface of her coffee with a secret grin.

It was watery and Vivvy added too much sugar in her anxiety, but she drank contentedly anyway, light chatter of the other patrons interlacing with a lovely rendition of  _ Silent Night _ as she warmed her palms on her mug.

“Victor?”

Vivvy choked. Coffee dribbled down her chin and over the front of her red dress as she swiveled on her stool in horror to find the wide eyed, round face of Emily Crandall. “Victor Van Kimpton? I thought that was you! What...what are you doing...here?”

Emily, an old family friend and older money, tucked her falsely blonde hair behind her ear with a French-tipped finger and studied Vivvy’s appearance, eyebrows creeping higher and higher up her forehead.

“Oh, I...I…” Reminding herself to speak in her regular voice, Vivvy cleared her throat. “I’m...in a show. A play. Down the street.”  _ How far away is the nearest theater?  _ “Just taking a break right now.” Vivvy held her cup aloft, hand shaking dangerously as she forced her mouth into something resembling a smile.

“Oh I see.” Nodding slowly, Emily’s eyes continued to dart over Vivvy’s makeup, her skirt, her shoes. “Well...and...how is your mother? I heard she was doing poorly for a time?”

“Much better, thank you.” Vivvy bobbed her head a little too quickly. “Back on her feet now.”

Giving her a tight-lipped smile, Emily reached out as if she were going to touch Vivvy, but apparently couldn’t bring herself to do so and tapped the countertop instead. “That’s good to hear. Well, I just stopped in to get warm for a minute. It was good to see you, Victor. You have a pleasant evening.”

“You too, Mrs. Crandall.” Forcefully grinning until the door swung shut behind her, Vivvy covered her face with both hands, tears threatening before she fished her wallet out and slapped a dollar on the counter.

Running as fast as she could back to the apartment, Vivvy shucked off her clothes in a panic, scraping the makeup from her face and jumping under the covers, as if Vivvy moved fast enough, maybe the woman inside of her wouldn’t follow.

But of course, there was no escaping the true Vivvy. She lurked wherever she went, smiling coyly and wiggling her fingers, waiting to be acknowledged behind every dark corner. 

When Vivvy arrived home from class the next afternoon, there was a message waiting for her on the answering machine.

_ Victor, I just had a very interesting phone call from Emily Crandall. She said she found you in some trashy cafe wearing A DRESS? How many times, Victor? How many times have I told you that I will not stand for this nonsense? If you think you can parade around New York like some kind of fairy behind my back on my dime, think again. I already sent off the check for next month, but that’s the last one. You’re a disgrace to the name Van Kimpton, but worst of all, you’re a disgrace to yourself. Don’t bother coming home for Christmas. _

Line going dead, Vivvy shrank to the floor, her back to the refrigerator. Numb. Staring. It was a few minutes before her brain cranked back into motion. A small part of Vivvy thought, maybe even assumed, that if her mother grasped the truth she would love her enough to maybe, possibly accept her. Or at least tolerate her. But, as Vivvy curled into a ball on the tile floor, sobs wracking her body, she now knew even a mother’s love had limits.


	2. 2

Aside from withdrawing from NYU, which was frankly a relief as she had no interest in her courses from the beginning, Vivvy was staunchly in denial that first week as she continued to putter around her apartment and bought groceries as if there were an endless stream of money coming her way.

One nice thing about the severed purse strings, however, was it dawned on Vivvy that, if she wanted to, she could be Vivvy all the time. Gradually she started going out half an hour earlier at night, even ordering soup at the cafe. She wore eyeliner to dance class, though Vivvy regretted that one because her sweat made it run instantly and she ended up having to smear it away with her sleeve before they completed the third song.

One night, kicking herself for being foolish enough to buy a turkey club at the diner as she watched her funds dwindle and shuffling back to the apartment in a pleated blue skirt, Vivvy was blowing into her hands to warm them when cackling laughter made her turn around.

“Oooh yes, girl! I am going to snatch that trophy tonight, you better believe it!”

“Pssh, not a chance! Naomi always wins the face categories. Honey, don’t bother…”

Three women appeared, walking quickly and sporting outfits of shimmering fabrics and sequins that caught Vivvy’s eye. But as she looked closer, Vivvy noticed how _tall_ the women were. How _big_. Thought she spotted an Adam’s apple winking at her beneath a half-zipped winter coat... 

Warmth of home forgotten, Vivvy pursued. She didn’t want to be intrusive, or creepy, but Vivvy wasn’t sure how to introduce herself. What was expected? What was the proper decorum in this situation? Nothing in her upper class schooling prepared her for this. _Yes, hello, fellow transsexuals. I am in New York, alone and soon to be homeless. Will you be my friend? Pleasure to make your acquaintance._

Staying half a block behind, Vivvy caught the majority of their conversation. In the dim light it was hard to tell for sure, but she thought the women were black, possibly Latin. Her mother had many ‘opinions’ regarding anyone with a tan darker than Jack Kennedy, but Vivvy never understood why. People were people as far as she was concerned, and the only fears she held about interacting with other races were that she might say something stupid in her ignorance due to lack of exposure and years around her narrow minded family.

A lot of the words the women tossed about Vivvy had no context for and was confused by their discussion. They talked about the ‘balls' and ‘categories' as they rounded a corner and Vivvy slyly tried to keep up. It wasn’t until the chat switched to men that she was abel to comprehend what they were saying, though Vivvy couldn’t believe it.

“Girl, his dick was HUGE!” The leftmost woman said, holding her hands aloft a foot apart. “I’m telling you, I could barely take it.”

“Must’ve been fucking _massive_ then…” Nudging her, the woman in the center laughed. “Because we know your slutty ass is _gaped_.”

The three roared with laughter while Vivvy trickled behind, scandalized as they approached a large building that, had it not been for the thumping music radiating from within and the colorful people milling outside, Vivvy would’ve assumed it was abandoned.

“Hmm...looks a little dead tonight…” The woman on the left commented as the three of them ascended the stairs and disappeared inside. 

Vivvy saw lights flashing in the lower windows, heard a crowd cheering, and swallowed as she stepped onto the sidewalk.

“First time?”

Blinking, Vivvy turned and saw a thin woman around her age puffing on a cigarette, tucking the dark strand of a wig behind her ear with a lengthy finger bedecked in a white lace glove. Vivvy gave a nervous smile. “How could you tell?”

“No offense, doll.” Crushing the smoke beneath a red heel, she exhaled a tumbling plume and smoothed over her navy dress. “But you have that ‘deer in the headlights’ look. It’s pretty obvious.” Smiling, she spoke in a heavy Chicago accent, hands on her curvy hips before she extended one to Vivvy. “Hi. I’m Joliet.”

“Vivvy.” Grinning, Vivvy struggled to take Joliet in. 

Apparently she noticed because her cerulean eyes shifted from side to side and she glanced down at herself. “What...do I have something on my dress?”

“No, it’s just…” Sharp jaw hanging, Vivvy blinked. “You look so... _real_.” Clasping her hands to her chest, Vivvy took in Joliet’s carved cheekbones, her curvaceous lips, her narrow frame. Were it not for her height, Adam’s apple, and possibly her hands, Vivvy imagined no one would be able to tell she was transsexual. “Oh, I’m sorry…” Catching sight of her face, Vivvy frowned. “Is that not appropriate to say? I’ve never...I don’t…” Vivvy held up her palms and shifted her weight. “I’ve never met anyone else like me before tonight.”

“Aw, well welcome, then.” Joliet gave her arm a dainty pat. “Glad you found us.”

Eyes falling over the building, Vivvy blinked. “What is this place?”

“Well…” Joliet tilted her head. “Technically it’s an old doll factory or some shit like that. But for a nominal fee, we get to use it every Saturday for the Balls.”

“Balls?” Vivvy lifted a prominent eyebrow in confusion.

Linking arms, Joliet practically skipped them forward. “Yeah! Come on, I’ll show you.”

As soon as she walked through the door it was sensory overload. People, light, sound. Every imaginable form and color and type. Vivvy wanted to soak it all in at once in her jubilation as Joliet led her to the bar. 

“What’re you having, newbie?”

“Oh, um...I...I think...I can’t…” Shaking her head, Vivvy thought about the meager amount in her purse.

Smiling, Joliet squeezed her hand. “It’s on me. To welcome you to our little home.” 

“Oh aren’t you sweet?” Vivvy beamed, squeezing her shoulder. “I would love a Cosmopolitan if it’s not too much trouble.”

Getting a Manhattan for herself, Joliet led her closer to the floor, weaving through the throng. “Alright, Viv, this…” She gestured to the room at large. “Is the Ball. All of us who have nowhere else to go? Who society says can’t show our faces in the light of day? We come here. And here?” Mischievous grin spreading, Joliet’s eyebrow ticked up and she brought her face in close. “We rule.”

Vivvy smiled and Joliet pointed to two long tables. “Now the judges sit there. They’ll vote on who wins when people walk.”

“Walk? What does that mean?” Vivvy raised her voice to be heard among the din, but Joliet waved her down.

“Hang on. You’ll see. Just watch.”

A black man with poofy hair and a loud purple outfit came to the center of the floor, microphone in hand. “Ladies, gentleman, and those of us in between who know better…” He tossed up a hand in a dismissive gesture with an amused expression and the crowd cheered. “I am, of course, The Fabulous Florian, and welcome one and all to tonight’s Ball!” Chills radiated into Vivvy’s bones as a whooping cry rose around her among the assembled faces. “The first category is: High Society Realness! Judges, are you ready?” Florian turned back to the tables, now filled with a flurry of folks, all nodding in assent. “Alright, let’s go!”

The music began and as the first woman strutted out in a beige pantsuit, clutch purse under her arm and tossing back a mane of ebony hair, Vivvy was agog. Realness was right. If she walked by her on the street, Vivvy wouldn’t have questioned her for a second. 

“You see…” Joliet pointed as the second woman, adorned in a baby blue skirt and blousy white top spun across the floor. “The goal in this category is to look like a stuck up, high society bitch.” Chuckling, Joliet clapped as the woman finished her parade. “As real as possible.”

“I know the type…” Vivvy muttered as the other contestants made their way across the floor. When a black girl in a pastel pink skirt suit won, Vivvy wasn’t surprised. Her look was flawless and she accepted a small trophy humbly, waving and bowing to the crowd with a smile.

“Alright, coming up next, we have ‘An American Girl in Paris!’”

“Oh shit, that’s me, hold my drink!” Joliet shoved her cup at Vivvy and scurried away before she had a chance to say anything. A couple of women went first before she spotted her again. Adorable straw hat on her head and twirling a parasol over her shoulder, Joliet skipped out of the mass of bodies, bending over and covering her mouth coquettishly, putting on a comic performance, winking and flirting with the judges before she took her place in line.

“And for the lovely Miss Joliet...Judges?” When every one of them held up a ‘10’ on their scorecards, Vivvy screamed in delight, jumping up and down and embracing Joliet when she returned.

“Congratulations! That’s amazing! And look, you won a trophy!” Vivvy trickled her fingers over it, sapphire eyes wide in admiration.

“Yeah, well..” Joliet shrugged. “We give them all back next week. But still. It’s fun.”

Grinning, Vivvy nodded. “That’s great. I love it.”

Joliet and Vivvy watched the rest of the categories and once the dancing began, Joliet got another drink and brought Vivvy to a small table in the back. “Everyone? This is Vivvy. Viv? This is…” Gesturing around the table of assembled women, Joliet smiled. “Tiffany, Michelle, Rachel, and Trixie.”

Lifting a hand awkwardly, Vivvy’s voice was low as the four pairs of eyes stared back at her. “Hello...a pleasure.”

“Scooch.” Joliet waved her hand to get Tiffany to make room for the two of them and Vivvy perched herself on the edge of the booth.

When all of the women continued silently drinking, Vivvy was grateful Joliet prompted conversation. “So Viv, where are you from?”

“Oh, Connecticut.” Vivvy smiled. “I only moved to New York in August for school.”

Trixie scoffed, rolling her eyes. “‘Nother rich white queen living off daddy’s money…”

Vivvy shifted her eyes away, stomach clenching. She didn’t think it was wise to tell Trixie that her father was dead and her money wouldn’t last her to March.

“Trixie, be _nice._ ” Joliet urged. “Sorry about her…” She lifted a shoulder. “Though, to be fair, you and I…” Joliet pointed between them. “We can take all this shit off, and if we want to, walk through life as white men. Do whatever the fuck we want, basically. Trixie, Michelle, a lot of the others...obviously, they...they can’t.”

“Yeah.” Nodding solemnly, Trixie pointed. “Makeup and wigs come off. Black doesn’t.”

Vivvy bobbed her head slowly, realizing that there were some struggles she would never be able to understand. “So what do you do?” Joliet asked, finishing off her second Manhattan.

“Oh well…” Fingers twitching nervously on her thick thighs, Vivvy raised her shoulder. “I...I was going to school but I just dropped out. I actually need to look for a job, so…” Making a face, she tipped her head back and forth. “How about you? What do you do?”

Joliet casually flicked her wrist and sighed. “Oh, I work the piers.”

“You’re a fisherman?”

The women all burst out laughing and Vivvy blinked in confusion. “Bitch really said _‘fisherman’_!” Michelle slapped the table top, clutching her stomach in her glee.

“No, no, no…” Joliet shook her head, trying to suppress her chuckle. “Vivvy I, well...I do tricks.”

Tilting her head, Vivvy furrowed her brow. “What…like magic?” The women were roaring now and Vivvy’s face started to warm as she couldn’t grasp what was funny.

“Oh, you poor sweet thing…” Squeezing her arm, Joliet stretched out her lips. “No...I...I’m a prostitute, Viv. To put it bluntly.”

Mouth falling open, Vivvy abruptly shut it and tried not to appear shocked, nodding perhaps too exuberantly. “Oh. Oh, alright then. That’s…”

Catching her expression, Joliet shook her head and patted Vivvy’s shoulder consolingly before the table began discussing men. Not only did Vivvy not know any of the men they referred to, but she wasn’t eager to showcase her lack of experience, so she sat quietly, laughing along when appropriate and enjoying the camaraderie.

Music fading and people filing out, Joliet turned to Vivvy. “Hey, I’m still pretty wired. You want to hang out? Come back to my place for a few drinks or something?”

“Yes!” Vivvy was worried she maybe sounded desperate, but after almost four months in New York with hardly any social interaction she couldn’t believe someone was this kind as she and Joliet strolled back to what turned out to be the tiniest apartment Vivvy ever entered.

It wasn’t so much an apartment as a space, no divisions between the areas that housed the kitchen and bed, with a meager wall separating the bathroom, but Joliet obviously went to a lot of trouble to make it home. Walls draped in silken fabrics, a desk claimed from the street corner with a large mirror propped above, a mass of cosmetics below as well as a wig stand bearing a brunette bob, and a closet packed to the gills with fashions that made Vivvy’s mouth fill with saliva.

“You like vodka?” Joliet asked as she kicked off her red heels and went to the freezer.

“Oh...sure.” In truth Vivvy rarely drank hard liquor on its own, but she was feeling celebratory and it seemed fitting. As Joliet brought her the glass, she found herself staring again and Joliet bent down to catch her eye. “I’m sorry, I…” Vivvy shook her head, smiling apologetically. “I just...I really wished I looked like you, Joliet. You’re so beautiful.”

“Aw.” Flopping her wrist, Joliet sat in a wicker chair and crossed her long, skinny legs. “You’re beautiful too, Viv.”

Vivvy scoffed. “I could never look real like you do…”

Shrugging, Joliet tossed back half of her glass of vodka as though it were water, not even wincing. “Maybe you’ll never pass in ‘high noon July’, Viv. But, I bet with ‘mones, better makeup, and the right outfit, we could at least get you to ‘seven p.m. in October’.” Joliet smiled and raised her drink in cheers.

“Pass? Moans?” Vivvy felt out of her depth and stupid for not knowing these things that were apparently blatantly obvious to Joliet.

“Oh.” Sipping, Joliet waved her hand. “Passing just means like, if the people out there,” She pointed over her shoulder with a thumb to the window. “Can tell you’re one of us or not. If not, you ‘pass’.” Vivvy nodded in understanding and Joliet continued. “And ‘mones are hormones. Estrogen. You know, to take and make you more feminine.”

Leaning forward quickly, Vivvy slopped vodka on her skirt. “Wait...you can do that? There’s...wait, what?”

Chuckling, Joliet nodded. “Yeah. Pills. Or shots. With estrogen in ‘em that help. I’m on the pills. Most of the gals down there are. Way cheaper and easier to find, especially because almost none of us got insurance and even if we did, it wouldn’t pay for that sort of thing.” Joliet shrugged and polished off her drink.

“What….” Vivvy was on the edge of her chair, glass gripped tightly in her hand as she lowered her voice. “What happens when you take them? What changes?”

“Well…” Pouting her lower lip, Joliet shrugged. “A lot of things. Not as hairy. Or as sweaty. My skin cleared up and is super smooth now. You start to get breasts eventually.” Vivvy gasped at that and Joliet smiled. “And it didn’t happen to me because I’m so bony, but if you have any fat, it’ll shift around.

Vivvy blinked. “What do you mean, shift around?”

“Well, bio men…” Joliet explained. “Usually carry weight…” She patted her stomach. “In the belly. Whereas biological women get it in the ass and thighs. So that’s where it goes, usually. At least that’s what some of the bigger girls have said.” Raising a shoulder, she flicked her wrist.

“Gee…” Vivvy pinched her tummy pudge. “That’d be nice…”

Joliet tittered. “And, well, there’s some...sexual changes and stuff, too…”

“Oh.” Nodding, Vivvy didn’t feel she knew Joliet well enough to pry. “Alright. Are they...expensive?”

Pulling a face, Joliet nodded. “Kinda. You said you’re looking for a job?”

“Yes.” Vivvy bobbed her head. “And I need to find one soon. And a different place to live, I think. Mine is too expensive.”

“Hmm…” Considering, Joliet got up to freshen her glass. “Well, you might be able to get in one of the houses. I don’t know who has an extra bed right now, but next Saturday we could definitely ask around.”

Again, Vivvy was at a loss. “Houses?”

“Oh right.” Joliet swallowed. “A House is when a group of us all lives together in community, led by one of the elders, a House Mother or Father, and everyone pitches in and does their part, you know, what have you…”

“Oh.” Turning down the corners of her lips appraisingly, Vivvy nodded. “That sounds nice.”

Lifting a hand, Joliet tipped it back and forth. “Yeah, but...personally?” She pulled a face. “If there’s any way to be on my own, I prefer to avoid them. I lived in a House for a while and just couldn’t take all the drama. Everyone fighting like cats and dogs all the time? No, thank you.”

“Oh I see…” Swallowing, Vivvy looked off to the side, finally tasting her vodka and grimacing as it burned down her throat.

Sighing, Joliet recrossed her legs. “As for a job, you’re welcome to come join us at the piers!” Tone cheery, she said it as though she were offering to take Vivvy out for ice cream and not inviting her to sell her body for money.

“Oh, I…” Sitting back, Vivvy’s eyes fell to her lap. “I’m sorry, Joliet, I...I don’t think I could do that…”

“So what’re you gonna do instead?” Tipping a generous portion into her lips, Vivvy noticed Joliet’s baby blue eyes weren’t focusing particularly well. “Do you have any…” She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers. “‘Marketable skills’.”

“Um…” In truth, Vivvy never had to work a day in her life. Apart from chores around the house and taking care of mother, there was nothing she could put on a resume to make her hirable. “Not really…”

“Well…” Sitting back, Joliet made a ticking sound and held up her glass. “There are only so many options for women like us, dollface. Gotta eat. Gotta have somewhere to sleep. Gotta face the music.” Draining her glass, when Joliet got up for a refill her steps were weaving. “You want some more?”

“No, thank you, though.” Vivvy smiled, swirling the remnants of her alcohol in contemplation. “So...what’s it like?”

***

Hopping from foot to foot, Vivvy exhaled warm air onto her large hands, rubbing her palms together before shoving them in her pockets.

“Stand sexy.” Rachel insisted. “Don’t hunch over like that or no one’s going to want to pick you up.”

Vivvy did her best to uncoil herself, but it was Mid-February and she was freezing, boggled at some of the skimpier outfits the other women wore. The last month was hectic, to say the least. As the end of January neared, Vivvy applied for dozens of jobs at theaters, dance studios, and anything remotely related to the arts in the city she could find, thinking they would allow her to be Vivvy under their creative roofs. But Vivvy received but one meager phone call, a polite man who let her know the position had already been filled. Otherwise, nothing. Panicked, Vivvy was moved to tears when Joliet said she could crash with her, though she was firm that it would be a temporary arrangement. 

Vivvy donated the majority of her possessions, not wanting to crowd Joliet’s already cramped apartment as the two of them were forced to practically snuggle every night on her full size bed, boxes of Vivvy’s stacked in the kitchen and sneaking around one another to use the mirror. 

But it wasn’t until Vivvy stared at the last slice of bread in the kitchen, guilt that she wasn’t contributing overwhelming, that Joliet was able to convince her to join her and the ladies for a day at the piers. _You don’t have to go with any trick. Just come hang out with us. See what it’s like. If you make some money, great. If not, that’s fine, too._

Rachel snapped her fingers. “You know what? We should give her to Gerald.”

“Ooh yeah, good idea.” The other women agreed, nodding.

“Gerald?” Vivvy squeaked, body folding again unconsciously.

Nodding, Joliet puffed on her cigarette. “Yeah, he’s a regular. A real sweetheart. All he wants to do…” Joliet took a deep drag before continuing. “Is blow you. Wants you to be loud when he does it. He’ll give you fifty bucks and treat you real nice.”

“Yeah.” Trixie agreed. “Plus, he likes fresh meat. Doesn’t really like to roll with the same girl more than once. Except Joliet here…” Smirking, Trixie reached over to pinch Joliet’s ass and she squealed. “He has a soft spot for her, so she might have to hide when he rolls up if you want him to choose you instead.”

“Oh, I...I don’t know…” Vivvy hadn’t told them she was a virgin, that she hadn’t so much as kissed a man. She was too embarrassed. “I think maybe I’ll just watch for today…”

Exhaling a cloud that was half smoke, half the result of the cold, Joliet shrugged. “Alright, well...Gerald’s about as good as it gets though...and fifty bucks is fifty bucks…”

Vivvy thought about Joliet opening her home. About eating Joliet’s food. About sleeping in Joliet’s bed. About how she spent the last two weeks disrupting Joliet’s carefully manicured life.

“Alright…” Vivvy swallowed hard, looking at the ground. “I guess I can try it…”

Smiling, Joliet patted her shoulder. “Great! He should be through on his lunch break soon. I think he’s one of those stock brokers or something? Not exactly sure.”

A black Bentley came around the corner and Trixie hurriedly smacked Vivvy’s arm. “Oh shit, that’s him! Joliet, hide!” Ducking her slender frame behind a bench, the others walked forward as the car rolled to a stop in front of them, waving Vivvy over to join. Vivvy timidly walked toward them, window rolling down to reveal a balding man with gray hair and wire-rimmed glasses smiling warmly.

“Gerald, baby…” Rachel leaned on his door. “We got a new girl here. This is Vivvy.”

Eyes hungry, his hands gripped the edge of the door as he stared and in that moment Vivvy never felt quite so naked in public before. “Why hello there, Vivvy.”

“Hello…” Folding her lips under, Vivvy bobbed her head and looked away. 

“Viv, you want to go with him? Gerald, you’ll start her off. Show our girl a good time, right?” Trixie asked, grinning.

“Definitely.” Gerald’s silver eyebrows danced and the women chuckled. 

Fidgeting, Vivvy took a deep breath. “Alright…” Walking around, Vivvy’s legs were unsteady beneath her and when she climbed inside, she couldn’t tell if it was her nerves that made Gerald’s car seem far too hot or if the heat was simply on high.

“Hello, Vivvy.” His tone was soft, kind, and Vivvy tried to tell herself to relax, but every muscle in her body strained. “I’ll just drive us a little ways. For privacy. If that’s alright with you.”

“Sure.” Voice tinkling out even higher than normal, Vivvy tried to smile, but her lips quivered uncontrollably as the wheels propelled them forward. Parking, Gerald turned to her.

“Would you unzip your coat for me, Vivvy?” Her hands didn’t seem to be following her orders, big fingers flustered as she tried to work the zipper down. Eventually Vivvy got it and exposed her red dress, wishing there was somewhere she could hide her fidgeting. “And your skirt? Could you lift that up?” Breath hitching, Vivvy slowly gathered the material to her waist, revealing her pink satin panties. They were her favorite pair, the only ones that made her feel the slightest bit sexy.

“Wow.” Gerald stared down at her. “Vivvy, your legs…” Shaking his head, Gerald licked his teeth inside of his mouth. “They are _stunning.”_

“Oh…” Vivvy glanced at them. “Th-thank you. I’m a dancer.”

Sighing contentedly, Gerald nodded. “I’m not surprised. May I touch them, Vivvy? Your thighs?”

Pushing her palms into the seat, Vivvy adjusted herself. “Al-alright.”

At first Gerald’s fingertips barely grazed her, but soon his eyes, which Vivvy noticed were almost the same pretty gray as his hair, grew large and he kneaded her thick thighs, a low hum purring between his lips. “Damn…” Gerald muttered. “You’re so sexy, Vivvy.”

“Thank you…” Whispering, Vivvy wasn’t sure if she should be doing something. Touching him, encouraging him. At the moment making herself breathe was a substantial enough task.

“Vivvy? I’d like to suck you. If you’ll let me.” Turning his face to hers, Gerald’s expression was yearning as he studied Vivvy’s features.

“I…” Hesitating, Vivvy blinked down at him and Gerald touched her thigh. 

“I’ll give you fifty dollars. I just want to make you feel good, alright, Vivvy? All you have to do is sit here.”

Staring back into his earnest face, Vivvy’s mouth was dry and she swallowed. “Alright.” 

“Would you pull your panties down? Show me?” Gerald asked, fingers trickling over her skin. Nodding, Vivvy lifted her hips and exposed herself. “Mmm…” Bending forward, Gerald paused and looked up at her. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Vivvy chirped, clenching her teeth and closing her eyes. Gerald lifted her cock and took her into his mouth soft. It took a few minutes for Vivvy’s body to accept that Gerald’s mouth, as it bobbed over her, cheeks hollowed and humming, felt good apart from her fear.

Stiffening over his tongue, Vivvy rested her head back and tried to imagine Martin. Her fantasies didn’t consist of Martin using his mouth on her, the other way around, certainly, but she figured it might work in a pinch, and did her best to picture his blond head in her lap, what he might sound like as he took her sensitive flesh into his throat.

Gerald sank deeper and an inadvertent huff escaped Vivvy’s nose. Popping off, Gerald continued stroking her as he spoke into Vivvy’s crotch. “I like it if you moan, Vivvy. Don’t be afraid to turn up the volume, okay?”

“Oh...al-alright…” Vivvy stammered as Gerald resumed his ministrations. Trying to lose herself again, Vivvy stretched out her legs and allowed her lips to part, a soft moan rising. Gerald consumed her faster in response, sucking intensely, his own sounds of ecstasy increasing. 

“Oh that’s...that’s…” Vivvy gasped, arching her neck, hand scrambling over the back of Gerald’s suit as he vigorously sucked, saliva pooling at the base of her cock as he hastened his movements.

Breathy moans rolling through her firm chest, Vivvy urgently tapped his shoulder. “ _I’m...I’m gonna…”_

Pulling off for a second, Gerald jerked wildly. “Yeah...yeah, cum in my mouth, Vivvy. It’s okay…” Descending, his throat undulated around her and a tittering whine broke from Vivvy’s lips before she covered them with her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut as her body shivered and Gerald greedily swallowed.

Gerald rose, and as he wiped his mouth, Vivvy couldn’t get her panties up and her skirt down fast enough, clearing her throat and looking out the window as her hands crawled over themselves in her lap.

Driving them back to the pier, Gerald shifted into park and Vivvy went for the door handle. “Wait.” He chuckled reaching for his wallet. “Here you go.”

So focused on getting out of the car, Vivvy would’ve left unpaid had Gerald not been decent enough to stop her, and that thought weighed heavily as she wrapped her hand around the bill and met his gray eyes. “Thank you.”

“Thank you, Vivvy.” Gerald smiled. “You stay warm out there.”

Legs jelly underneath her, Vivvy made her way back to the women who immediately threw questions at her about how it was, how he was, how she was, but Vivvy couldn’t answer any of them, couldn’t hear any of them. Everything was incessant buzzing as she wobbled up to Joliet and passed her the fifty. “Here.” Voice dusky, Vivvy shoved her hands in her pockets. “I...I’m going to go back.”

Tucking the money in her bra, Joliet looked at her with concern, but said nothing as she lit another cigarette and Vivvy began the trek back to her apartment. She stood in the shower for a long time. When Vivvy emerged, she wasn’t sure if she was thinking or blank. Lying in Joliet’s bed, sans makeup in a t-shirt and panties, she recalled what the women said. That Gerald was ‘as good as it gets.’

It was not bad, what happened, Vivvy decided. It felt nice. Gerald was kind. He gave her opportunities to say ‘no.’ He complimented her legs, which even now made her smile a little. But Vivvy heard enough stories from the ladies to know that, unless all the clients were like Gerald, she couldn’t live this life.

Drifting off without meaning to, when Vivvy woke Joliet’s slender form was tucked in beside her and dawn passed a couple hours before. Pulling on a crisp white button up, black slacks and a tie, Vivvy smothered herself, and hit the streets, casting her name out for any job as a busboy, dishwasher, or janitor, relegated to the fact that, for now, she would have to settle for leading a double life.


	3. 3

“Do you want me to do this or not?”

“I do, but--”

“Then hold still, Viv.” Rachel pinched her joined earlobe, eyes narrowed in concentration and tongue poking out of the side of her mouth. Apparently her old roommate worked at a tattoo parlor and stole the piercing gun on her way out the door, and Rachel swore she knew what she was doing, but Vivvy’s hands scuttled and splayed in her lap regardless.

“Alright, 1...2…”

Vivvy closed her eyes on ‘one’ and prepared for the pain on ‘three,’ but Rachel deceived her, pressing the button on ‘two.’ It didn’t hurt as badly as she thought it would, but there was still a sting as Rachel screwed the post behind her ear. “Alright, one down, one to go. Hang tough, Viv.” Completing the other side, Vivvy hurriedly ran to the mirror.  _ Oh thank goodness, they’re even.  _ Rachel told her to rotate and clean them, not to take the plain silver posts out for a while, but Vivvy couldn’t wait until the day came when she could finally wear her grandmother’s pearl and moonstone earrings. For now, she supposed the demure placeholders were better anyway if she couldn’t remove them, as they were less likely to draw attention at her new job.

The next day Vivvy kicked the snow off her shoes, and when she entered the apartment Joliet was perched before the mirror in her black bra and panties applying her first layer of foundation, glass of vodka half empty. Vivvy frowned, wondering if it was her first of the evening.

“Hey Viv.” Patting over her cheekbones, Joliet’s reflection spoke to her over her shoulder as Vivvy struggled to unbutton her work shirt. After only four shifts of washing dishes at the rundown restaurant eleven blocks away, to which Vivvy jogged in the biting wind because paying subway fare wasn’t an option, at least until she got her first check, her hands already cracked and bled from the constant soaking and no amount of moisturizing seemed to help.

“Hey Jols, I’m just going to jump in the shower, then we can head out, alright?” Joliet nodded, reaching for her blush as Vivvy shed her slacks. As she hung her head below the stream, hot water alleviating her tense muscles, half of Vivvy wanted to skip tonight’s Ball. But she knew once she got there, the music, the people, the electric energy would make her never want to leave, so she began the arduous task of shaving and resolved herself to going out.

By the time she emerged in her white cotton bra and panties, Joliet completed her makeup and removed the last of the curlers from her wig, plopping it down on top of her head before smoothing over the edges as she admired herself. Joliet’s natural hair was long enough that she could go without the wig if she wanted to, but she often chose to don one for more dramatic looks and, as she was walking tonight, she coiffed it to perfection.

“Viv?” Holding the homemade seashell bra aloft, Joliet took a couple lightly weaving steps over to her. “Will you help me with this thing? It’s finicky.” 

Back to Vivvy, Joliet held the cups to her small chest and Vivvy did up the fragile clasp. Joliet turned around and Vivvy shook her head in awe. “Gee, Jols…” Looking her up and down, she twisted one of her dark tendrils between her fingers and smiled. “You look stunning. You’re definitely going to win that mermaid category.”

“Aw, thanks, Viv.” Plugging her nose, Joliet held a hand overhead and wiggled her body down in a mock-swim and Vivvy giggled, smacking her shoulder playfully.

“You always win.” Vivvy shrugged a broad shoulder. “You’re the most beautiful woman there.”

Tilting her head, Joliet’s cerulean eyes blinked up at her. “You really think so?”

“Definitely.” Vivvy nodded. Joliet’s teeth caught her burgundy lip for a moment, staring at Vivvy before she swooped in and gave her a quick peck on the lips before settling back, wrists clasped in front of her and twisting a little from side to side.

Blinking, Vivvy’s mouth hung open and her cobalt eyes shifted. “What...what was that for, Jols?”

“Dunno…” Joliet shrugged, glancing up at Vivvy coyly through her eyelashes. “Just wanted to do it, I guess.”

“Oh…” Vivvy swallowed, gaze falling to the floor. She scrunched her toes over the tile and clasped her hands behind her back, unsure what to say, where to go, as they stood across from one another in the stuffy apartment.

“You…” Peeking at her out of the corner of her eye, Joliet nudged Vivvy with an elbow. “You wanna try it again? Maybe?”

Vivvy locked into Joliet’s sky blue eyes and considered. They’d been sleeping next to one another for the better part of a month now. Due to the cramped conditions, they had virtually no choice but to be as open with one another as two roommates could be. And Vivvy found herself staring at Joliet’s body. All sharp, severe angles, with the exception of her hips, Joliet blessed with an elegant feminine curve, and the tiny blips of her budding breasts. But Vivvy assumed her preoccupation with Joliet’s figure was curiosity, nothing more. A longing, a yearning to be like her, though of course, the possibility of being with her never occurred to Vivvy.

Well, perhaps that wasn’t entirely true. In the mornings when Vivvy inevitably woke up with an erection, she would sometimes catch a slumbering Joliet nestling into her. At least she assumed she was slumbering, as Vivvy snuck out of bed to the bathroom to rid herself of the problem. She timidly got up the courage to ask Joliet why she didn’t greet the day that way, as Vivvy understood most people their age born with penises did. Joliet explained that after taking the hormones, that went away, and, except on nights when she had particularly sexy dreams, it never happened anymore. 

But before this moment Vivvy never actively considered kissing Joliet, or anything else, so for the gorgeous woman to be shifting her weight in front of her and looking expectantly was rather daunting.

“Oh, um…” Folding her bottom lip under, Vivvy gave a hesitant nod. “Sure. Alright.”

Joliet drew in close, tipping up her sharp chin to catch Vivvy’s mouth. Holding still for a moment, her long fingers touched Vivvy’s little belly before she parted, rubbing her lips together to hide the smile that kept cropping up. 

Giggling nervously, Vivvy rubbed her elbow with the opposite hand. “Am I...do I have some of your lipstick on now?” 

“Yup.” Joliet nodded, grinning and raising a hand to smear it away before caressing Vivvy’s cheek. “You want some more?”

Bobbing her head sheepishly, when Joliet came in this time, she applied gentle pressure, her tongue sneaking past Vivvy’s teeth. Vivvy kissed Lucille before, but merely for practice, to see what it was like. Both of them knew going in and coming out of it that there was no attraction there, and they were almost scientific in their handling of one another.

So for Joliet’s tender hand to hold her, weaving a supple kiss with thoughtfulness and patience as she tipped her head and Vivvy tasted the vodka, cigarettes, and lipstick, was an eye opening experience. Lengthy fingers wound into her short chestnut waves and Vivvy cautiously let her hands fall to Joliet’s waist, her skinny frame warm against her when she draped her arms over Vivvy’s expansive shoulders and folded in close.

“Hey Viv?” Joliet broke away, nuzzling Vivvy as she played with the tendrils at the nape of her neck. “You wanna...you wanna lay down, maybe?”

Pulse quickening, Vivvy looked at the bed. “What, um...what about the Ball?”

Smiling, Joliet shrugged. “I’ve won enough trophies.”

“Alright.” Vivvy touched their foreheads together, her thumb making circles in Joliet’s fair skin. “Sure.” 

Laying on their sides facing one another as they had many nights when they stayed up chatting before bed, Joliet paused to lift the wig from her head and take the net from her scalp, shaking free her chin length natural hair. Vivvy extended her hand, twisting through her tresses and smiling. “You’re so pretty, Jols…”

“You too, Viv.” Joliet traced her sculpted jawline with a long finger, then scooted closer on the mattress. Mouths meeting, Joliet’s tongue twirled into her for a moment before she laid back on the pillow, their blue eyes colliding and ricocheting off one another to be replaced by grins and giggles as Jolet flowed her hand down Vivvy’s arm. “You can, um…” Joliet inched nearer, resting a hand on Vivvy’s hip. “You can touch me. If you want to.”

“Where?” Vivvy swallowed, looking over her slender frame.

Sticking out her lower lip, Joliet raised a shoulder. “Anywhere you want.”

Playing with her hair for a minute, Vivvy’s fingers cascaded down to Joliet’s collarbone. She always admired it, the way it stood out prominently, like a declaration of womanhood as necklaces hung over its shelf. Cautiously she slipped her thumb under Joliet’s double bra strap. “Is this alright?”

“Yeah, here…” Expression of concentration on her face, Joliet balanced up on her hip and reached behind herself to undo the clasps before tossing the seashell and regular black bra to the floor, settling back down topless. “There ya go.” She smiled, scrunching through Vivvy’s short dark locks.

“Can I...touch them?” Vivvy bit her lip as she poised her palm above Joliet’s left breast. Glancing down at herself, Joliet nodded and Vivvy softly cupped her, thumb passing over her nipple and sapphire eyes widening when it hardened beneath her fingers.

“Wow…” Agog, Vivvy shook her head. “What does it feel like?”

Sighing, Joliet narrowed her eyes and stared at the ceiling. “Well, it’s not that different from before, I guess. I always liked having my nipples played with. Now it’s just…” Screwing up her face as Vivvy massaged her, Joliet searched for the word. “More. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe.”

Nodding, Vivvy found herself mesmerized and moved over to the other one as Joliet bent her face in. “ _ Viv… _ ” Seeking her lips, Joliet laced their tongues together and swiveled in close, a lanky leg coming around Vivvy and slithering up and down her own as Joliet’s hand snuck down to knead Vivvy’s tiny ass. When Joliet left her mouth, painted lips moving over Vivvy’s cheek, her neck, she began thickening beneath her panties, leaning into Joliet’s heat as a soft sigh escaped her throat.

“You…” Joliet breathed, dancing over her scalp as her body gyrated. “You want to see the rest, Viv?”

Vivvy brushed a kiss below Joliet’s seashell ear. “Sure, Jols.”

Rolling onto her back, Joliet lifted her hips and slinked out of her panties. Vivvy examined her penis curiously. It looked as though it used to be bigger at one point, like someone who lost weight and couldn’t afford to buy smaller clothing, so they continued to wear an extra large. Mostly erect, she shuffled back toward Vivvy, sea blue eyes heavy with lust. “Do you want to touch me, Viv?”

“Yeah…” Her voice came out shaky and Vivvy licked her lips,

“Okay.” Joliet nodded. “You can.” Wrapping her hand around, Vivvy gave Joliet a few trepidatious pumps before Jolet stilled her wrist. “Wait.” Smiling, she guided Vivvy away. “Let me show you how I like it.”

Holding herself, Joliet used only the tips of her fingers to barely touch the head of her cock, rubbing the frenulum purposefully. “Oh…” Vivvy turned down the corners of her mouth appraisingly. “Alright.” 

Joliet let Vivvy take over and she copied her movements until Joliet emitted a gasp. “Mmm...yeah, Viv.” Eyes falling closed, Joliet nodded. “That’s good…” 

Drawing Vivvy in again, Joliet fused their lips together, mouth hungry as her fingers tiptoed down to the waistband of her panties. “Do you want me to do you, too?” Joliet gave her an inquiring look.

“Oh, um…” Vivvy glanced down at her erection and blinked. “If you want to…”

Joliet nodded, shifting Vivvy’s panties down to unearth her cock. “Do you like it regular still I imagine?”

“Oh, I…” Mouth working open and closed in silence for a moment, Vivvy looked away. “I guess so, I, I haven’t…” Voice shrinking to a whisper, Vivvy let go of Joliet for a moment and picked at the sheets. “I’ve never had anyone else do it before. Aside from, well…” Blinking, Vivvy’s nose flared and she clenched her teeth, muscle in her jaw popping. “There was Gerald, I suppose…”

“Viv, what?” Joliet took her by the chin and made Vivvy meet her eye, face aghast. “You mean you...you’re a virgin?”

Curling in on herself, Vivvy drew up her knees and tried to turn away as a flush rose to her cheeks. “Yes…”

“And I talked you into getting into his car?” Covering her mouth in horror, Joliet sat up and brought a hand to her brow. “Shit, Viv, why didn’t you say anything?”

Pulling up her panties, Vivvy shook her head. “I...I was embarrassed.” Moving to the head of the bed, Vivvy tucked her chin into her knees. “I’m sorry…”

“Oh Viv, honey,” Joliet’s skinny arms encircled her and she rubbed her back. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m sorry. That’s just...that’s awful. No one’s first time should be like that.” Shaking her head, she kissed Vivvy’s forehead.

“Well…” Vivvy tipped her face from side to side. “I did sort of go all the way with my friend Lucille back home, but that was just so we could both make sure we were, you know, what we are. See, she likes women. It wasn’t romantic or anything like that.”

Frowning, Joliet gave her a squeeze. “I’m sorry, doll. You deserved better than that.”

“Thanks, Jols.” Offering a forlorn smile, Vivvy nodded. After a beat of silence, during which Joliet’s consoling fingers continued to alight over her skin, Joliet pressed a kiss to Vivvy’s cheek.

“Do you still want to? If not I get it.” 

Peering up, Vivvy took Joliet’s hand and grinned. “Sure, alright.” 

The two of them nestled down on the bed together and with a mutual nod, Vivvy revealed herself again, Joliet’s hand enveloping her. As they shared an exploratory kiss, Joliet’s experience was obvious to Vivvy as she jerked her cock with agile expertise, dexterous fingers gliding effortlessly while Vivvy fumbled over Joliet’s flesh.

Vivvy left Joliet’s mouth for a moment to lick her fingers before redoubling her efforts and was rewarded when Joliet moaned into her, Vivvy thrusting into the warm circle of her palm as their bodies squirmed beside one another on the mattress.

“Viv, would you…” Joliet gasped, blinking and mouth open in her desire. “Would you….kind of rub a little? Right up in here?” Lifting herself, Joliet indicated the gap between her balls and her entrance and Vivvy tilted her head.

“Oh...sure. That...that feels good?” 

Rolling her eyes back, Joliet nodded insistently. “Amazing. Trust me.” 

“Alright.” Vivvy shuffled down the mattress for a better angle, and, with her other hand, began swiping slow circles into Joliet’s perineum. “Like that?”

Exhaling, Joliet nodded. “You can...you can go harder, if you want. Or use your knuckles, maybe…”

Taking her suggestion, Vivvy dug in, her other fingers juicing the tip of Joliet’s cock until her spine arched and she scrambled over Vivvy’s strong arms. “ _ Fuck! Viv, your hands! Yes!” _ In order to have a proper hold on Joliet, she had to move to her back and release her grip on Vivvy, but she didn’t mind, the high notes of arousal trickling from Joliet’s pretty mouth intoxicating as Vivvy vigorously worked her into a frenzy, frantically trying to keep kissing her but falling short as she tried to focus on too many things at once.

“ _ Oh Viv! Viv, yes! Just like that! Don’t stop!”  _ Joliet’s hands apparently couldn’t decide where to touch Vivvy, flying about and landing on her head, her shoulders, her chest as Vivvy brushed kisses to her thin skin and Joliet rocked into her touch.

“You’re so gorgeous, Jols…” Whispering, Vivvy planted a kiss to the corner of her panting mouth. “Lovely…”

“ _ Fuck, Viv… _ ” Nails scraping over her wide back, Joliet’s skinny legs kicked in the sheets. “ _ I’m gonna cum! Fuck! Fuck!” _ Tossing her head back, sharp chin dropping and toes pointed, Joliet tensed. When she curled to the side with a shuddering, breathy moan, exhaling a string of expletives and clutching Vivvy tight, her cum was lighter that Vivvy’s, almost clear, and Vivvy stared at in in wonder as she dabbed sticky strands between her thumb and middle finger.

“You alright there?” Joliet chuckled. Raising an eyebrow at Vivvy’s studious examination of her release.

Lowering her hand, Vivvy smiled shyly. “Oh, sorry. But...why is it...different?”

“Honestly?” Holding up her palms, Joliet shrugged. “I don’t really know. I mean, I know it’s the hormones, because it happens to the other girls, too. Well, some. But I have no idea why. Never asked a doctor or anything.”

“Huh.” Vivvy nodded, wiping her hand on her thigh. “Alright then. Interesting.”

Eyes scanning down Vivvy’s body, Joliet bit the inside of her cheek. “You want me to do you now, I can…” Plucking at the waistband of Vivvy’s panties, Joliet flashed an enticing smile. “I can use my mouth. If you want. Or hand is fine, too.”

“Oh.” Vivvy traced the bone of Joliet’s wrist. She wasn’t sure why, but it was probably her favorite part of Joliet’s appearance. It jutted out from her arm and hand, jointing her together and adding an exclamation point to every one of Joliet’s flourishing gestures. Vivvy adored that knobby bone and having an excuse to rub her fingers over it was divine. “Whatever...whatever you like. Either is...is fine with me.” Grinning, Vivvy gave Joliet’s forearm a squeeze and Joliet nodded, guiding Vivvy onto her back.

As Joliet folded over on her knees beside her, Vivvy was amazed at how small she was able to make herself, before Joliet lowered herself and turned to Vivvy. “You ready, doll?”

“Yes.” Vivvy nodded and Joliet sank down over her stiff cock. Even with her lack of experience, Vivvy could tell Joliet worked from a designated routine. The way she bobbed her head, stroked Vivvy’s shaft, fondled her balls, all in practiced unison and obviously with a purposeful goal.

The suction combined with the slippery inner surfaces of Joliet’s throat left Vivvy breathless for a moment and, flexing and anxious, she wasn’t sure how to respond, but Vivvy forced herself to inhale and tentatively rested her hand on Joliet’s head as she hummed around her, massaging her scalp.

“That…” Her voice squeaked out, Vivvy’s toes curling. “Feels very nice, Jols…”

“Mmhmm…” Joliet hastened her movements, sinking down to Vivvy’s root and she emitted a tremulous moan, striving to keep her hips flat on the mattress.

Eye clenched shut, whimpers of ecstasy eked out of Vivvy’s flared nose as all the muscles stood out in her sculpted legs while Joliet inhaled her. Trying to relax, to lose herself, Vivvy’s orgasm snuck up on her, balls tightening, and she hastily tapped on Joliet’s shoulder. “ _ Jols, I’m gonna...I...I… _ ” 

But Joliet merely hummed in the affirmative and descended, undulating her throat muscles and looking to Vivvy as she fisted her hands in the sheets, rounded teeth bared as a keening whine escaped her and her body jumped, hot, salinic cum draining into the back of Joliet’s throat.

Rising, Joliet daintily wiped the corners of her mouth and eyes, giving Vivvy’s shoulder an amiable pat before she winked at her and smiled. “Well…” Hand on her hips, Joliet sat back on her heels. “After that, I need a smoke.” Snatching up her black panties, Joliet stepped off the bed to retrieve her cigarettes and a fresh glass of vodka, plunking down in the chair topless and dangling her long foot in the air.

Flipping over onto her stomach, Vivvy couldn’t stop smiling and rested her chin on her palms as she watched Joliet exhale a cloud. After Joliet finished her drink and Vivvy had some crackers, offering some to Joliet, which she declined saying she ‘didn’t want to kill her buzz,’ the two of them snuggled together under the blanket and Vivvy enjoyed the solace of Joliet’s body as she took Vivvy’s firm arm and gathered it to her chest, kissing her knuckles before drifting off to sleep.

***

Sundays at the restaurant were a nightmare. The dishes seemed to multiply as Vivvy hopelessly tried to shove them through the washer in time, sweat cascading down her back in rivulets, her dark hair plastered to her scalp and angry bleeding gashes smiling up at her from her fingertips after when she scuttled home through the nippy February air.

“Oh my…” Vivvy exhaled as she closed the door behind her and took off her knit cap, face pink and unbuttoning her jacket. “Am I glad to be back. A plow nearly hit me on 43rd. Jeez.”

Drink in hand, Joliet’s eyes had difficulty focusing on her as she lowered her glass, rising from the bed in a red bra and panties. “Oh yeah? How was work?” Words slurring slightly, Joliet advanced as Vivvy hung up her coat on the overladen hook, kicking off her shoes before she began removing her shirt.

“Ugh, so busy!” Rolling her eyes, Vivvy was half exposed by the time Joliet made it to her. “I can’t wait to take a hot shower and lay down.”

“Mmm…” Joliet’s narrow palms rested on Vivvy’s firm chest with a heavy eyed smile. “I’ll join you.” Giggling, Vivvy rested her hands on top of Joliet’s, meeting her baby blue eyes. Joliet’s uncoordinated fingers traced Vivvy’s crisp jaw, biting her lower lip. “You know, it’s kind of a shame, Viv…”

“What is, Jols?” Tilting her head, Vivvy threaded back Joliet’s dark hair and grinned.

“Well…” Joliet sighed, looking over Vivvy rapaciously. “You’re so damned handsome.”

Face falling, Vivvy tried to take a step back, but, door behind her, there was nowhere to go. Vivvy took Jolet’s wrists and gently lowered them. “I’m...I’m going to get in the shower.”

“Okay.” Squeezing her shoulder, Joliet swaggered back to the bed and flopped down. 

Vivvy stared at her reflection in the steaming bathroom mirror. She knew Joliet never would’ve said what she did were she not drunk. But the problem was, Vivvy rarely saw Joliet without a glass in her hand. Plus, she wasn’t the first one to use that word to describe her. People told Vivvy she was handsome from a young age. Strong jaw, mountainous shoulders, many men expressed jealousy over her appearance, and there were more than a handful of uncomfortable instances of Vivvy turning down sweet, misguided girls who developed crushes on her without knowing the truth.

Though as Vivvy hung her head under the hot water and hoped it would distract her from the rivulets falling down her cheeks, she thought Joliet saw her differently. She thought when Joliet said she was pretty, too, that she meant it. But when Vivvy emerged, clean and red eyed, passing a towel over the mirror, all she saw was a bulky man staring back at her accusingly, mocking her for ever thinking someone could find her desirable for being her true self.

***

The next few weeks were torturous. Vivvy picked up every extra available shift, not only in an effort to make as much money as possible to get out on her own, but to avoid spending time around Joliet and her wandering hands. Frankly, Vivvy was running out of ways to say she wasn’t in the mood. Joliet never forced her, of course, but Vivvy could tell she was irked whenever Vivvy said she wasn’t into fooling around, yet woke up every morning hard beside her and still falsely claimed the problem wasn’t Joliet.

But finally, after two paychecks and working with such intensity Vivvy threw up one morning from the stress, she was able to afford a studio of her own in the building two blocks away. It was as small, if not smaller, than Joliet’s, and the amount of possessions Vivvy had to fill it was beyond pathetic, but as soon as she got the keys Vivvy placed one hand on the wall and walked around the perimeter, beaming before she jumped up and down in the center of the floor, screaming with joy.

March was awful. No furniture, and for the first week, no bed, Vivvy slept on the hard floor in a pile of her clothes, either shivering, or sweating profusely depending on whatever the beast of a building’s mood was regarding the heat at any given hour. Were it not for the restaurant, Vivvy would’ve gone hungry on more than one occasion, but thankfully the cooks allowed her to take home half eaten meals and past due ingredients, Vivvy spending three days eating nothing but potato and leek soup, cold and out of a plastic container as she didn’t own a pot, but grateful for something, at least, as she passed by others less fortunate on her 

hike to work each day.

When the weather thawed and the mattress materialized in the alley, Vivvy cried in relief as she smelled it, inspecting for stains before hauling it home. Then she found the couch, burnt orange and sporting a mere two tears in one cushion, easily turned over. And a table, wobbly, but a few folded napkins remedied that well enough, and it was soon surrounded by three mismatched chairs. But her favorite possession of all was the recliner. A beast to haul up to the fourth floor, it was upholstered in pink and white toile, and aside from an ink stain in the corner, Vivvy couldn’t imagine why someone discarded the treasure.

By May, New York was sunnier and so was Vivvy’s disposition as she feathered her nest and was able to budget somewhat effectively. Thanks to Trixie, Vivvy heard about the local food bank. At first she was boggled as to why Joliet never used the invaluable resource, thinking back on all the nights they spent together splitting a sandwich before going to bed and ignoring the echoing bird calls that were their rumbling stomachs.

But when Trixie explained that ID was required, Vivvy understood. Joliet was Joliet full time, and even if it meant going hungry, she wasn’t going to sacrifice what she worked so hard to attain. Once a month though Vivvy would go in her slacks and men’s shirt and get her two grocery bags, dry goods supplementing her cupboards, and able to make ends meet enough that not only could she return to Ms. Dawlins dance class, but she could finally start hormones.

“Okay,” Rachel slapped a bottle into her palm that bore a stranger’s name. “Now Viv, I know you’re going to be tempted to take more than one of these a day, speed things up, but…” Narrowing her eyes, Rachel pointed a finger in Vivvy’s face. “Don’t do it, alright? Trust me. It doesn’t work.” Rachel shook her head and let her arm fall. “All that’ll happen is your body will start making more male hormones and you’ll end up bigger and hairier and sweatier than you were to begin with, got it?”

Tapping the top of the bottle, Vivvy nodded carefully. “Got it. Thank you.”

As she swallowed the first one, Vivvy knew it was silly, knew nothing was actually happening yet, but it was as if a glimmering light swelled inside of her, a hopeful promise of things to come as she positioned the bottle on her sink and looked forward to the changes of womanhood.

Folding her leggings up to her calves, Vivvy noticed some of her classmates eyeing her lipstick and the silky, fluttering skirt over her leggings, but no one said anything and she tried not to let it bother her as they warmed up for the day. Soon all thoughts of their criticisms flew from her head as Vivvy extended her legs, wide smile boundless as she twirled about the floor to the music. In the months past Vivvy hadn’t realized how much she missed dancing. Sure, she danced at the Balls, but that wasn’t the same. For one thing, Vivvy soon admitted to herself after attending a couple of Saturdays that she knew nothing about how the others in her community danced. The disco craze, and the intricate posing done while walking the categories, blew her away, nothing like the ballet and modern movements to which Vivvy was accustomed.

Once she expressed her love for dancing, Joliet and some of the others tried encouraging Vivvy to enter one of the categories, even kindly saying that if she wore a short skirt to show off her shapely stems, she would be certain to snag a trophy. But Vivvy was too self conscious to try, preferring to restrict her movements to the studio and the privacy of her apartment.

Class finished and toweling off, Ms. Dawlins approached her with a smile. “Hey, good to have you back.”

“Oh, thank you.” Vivvy breathlessly nodded. “I missed it so much. I’m glad I could come again.”

“Me too.” Pausing for a beat, Ms. Dawlins looked around, and seemed to be waiting for another student to move away from her before leaning in. “Um, Victor, you don’t have to answer this of course, but...is there something else you would prefer I call you? A different name? I’d be happy to do so, even if it’s just when you and I are talking.”

Vivvy let her hand fall, swallowing. “Oh, um…” Bobbing her head, Vivvy gave a half smile. “Yes. Yes, I like...my name is Vivvy.”

“Vivvy.” Ms. Dawlins smiled warmly. “That’s lovely. Nice to meet you, Vivvy.” She held out a hand and Vivvy went to shake it, but then dropped her fingers.

“Could I…” Eyes darting, Vivvy shrugged. “Could I give you a hug? Maybe?”

Grinning, Ms. Dawlins beckoned her in. “Of course, come on.” Patting each other’s sweaty backs, Vivvy’s throat was tight when she parted, nodding.

“Thank you, Ms. Dawlins.”

“It’s Laura.” She gave Vivvy’s arm a squeeze. “I’m really glad to see you again. And Vivvy…” Walking to the mirrors, Laura bent down to rifle in her bag, returning with a flyer. “Here. There’s a show coming up that some of my more advanced students are putting on if you’d like to come see. I think you’d be ready to join that class soon if you’re interested.”

Crisp jaw dropping, Vivvy brought a hand to her chest. “Truly? Oh, Ms.--Laura I would love that! Thank you! I’ll definitely come watch.”

“Of course.” Patting her shoulder, Laura smiled and they said their goodbyes before Vivvy folded the paper carefully and put it in her bag.

Seeing the upper level students traverse the stage was like observing fabric floating on the wind, bodies undulating and flowing as they completed their precise yet effortless movements. Vivvy balanced on the edge of her seat in the audience, dumbfounded, clapping uproariously when the show came to a close and brimming with excitement at the prospect of joining the troupe for their next adventure as she skipped home in the balmy May evening.


	4. 4

Calling in sick again, Vivvy rolled in bed and covered her face with the blanket, blocking out the intrusive sunlight. It wasn’t that she felt ill, particularly. But the last few days, the last couple of weeks, Vivvy couldn’t will herself to get up, to move, to do anything. 

Slogging to the bathroom, her dry eyes blinked at her gray-tinged reflection. Vivvy didn’t know when she last brushed her teeth, washed her face. Based on her greasy hair, it was a while since she took a shower, but, glancing at the tub, the idea made her weary and, after using the bathroom she collapsed back in bed.

_ I should get up. At least eat something. Or read, even. Anything.  _ But Vivvy stared blankly at the opposite wall, immobile, unaware of time passing as night descended on her once more. Lately she either consumed food like someone on death row seated before their final meal, cramming junk into her wide mouth until she was nauseous and filled with shame, or she had no appetite, forgetting to eat entirely, sometimes for the whole day. 

Vivvy thought she slept, but she wasn’t sure. The knock at the door startled her, but she didn’t know if it woke her up or not as she dragged herself to the peephole. The distorted image of Tiffany greeted her and Vivvy undid the chain.

“Hey…” 

Tiffany looked her up and down, eyes narrowing in concern. “Hey girl, what’s up? No one’s heard from you.”

“Oh yes, well…” Vivvy tried to keep a mere crack of the door open so Tiffany wouldn’t see the tornado that was her apartment. “I...I haven’t been feeling well.”

“Alright…” Tone suspicious, Tiffany nodded. “What’s wrong? You got the flu or something? You haven’t been to the last three Balls.”

Vivvy shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Can I come in?” Craning her neck, Tiffany tried to look past her and Vivvy closed the door a little more.

“Maybe...maybe another time.” Shifting her oceanic eyes away, Vivvy bit her lip.

“Okay, Viv, what’s going on?” Tiffany leaned in and lowered her voice. “Are you doing drugs, Viv? Getting high? Is that it?”

“What?” Aghast, Vivvy pulled her head back and blinked. “No, of course not!”

Nodding, Tiffany settled back. “No, no, you don’t seem like the type, but…” Shaking her head, she scanned Vivvy’s appearance. “Something’s up. Come on. Just let me in and we can talk for a bit, okay? I promise. No judgment.”

Gnawing the inside of her cheek, Vivvy took a deep breath and bobbed her head, slowly backing away to reveal the mess. Tiffany stepped inside, over the piles of dirty laundry and papers tossed about before clearing a space on the couch, Vivvy taking the recliner.

“Alright Viv,” Tiffany crossed her legs and bent forward. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Sighing, Vivvy shook her head. “I...I don’t know.” She offered a forlorn half smile. “I’m just...just having a hard time I guess.”

Tiffany took in the room and Vivvy, blinking. “How long has this been going on?”

“Um…” Vivvy stared off into the distance, narrowing her eyes. “Well, like you said I missed the last three Balls so...a little before that. Almost a month.”

Nodding, Tiffany exhaled loudly. “Well, Viv, it...it looks like you’re depressed, hon…”

“But…” Vivvy let her hands fall at her side in exasperation. “I...why? I shouldn’t be. Things are so much better now. I...I’m more myself than ever before and...I’ll get to start the new dance class soon and I don’t...I don’t  _ feel _ sad, Tiff.” Shaking her head, Vivvy’s eyes pleaded. “It has to be something else, right?”

Tiffany folded her hands. “What do you feel, Viv?”

A weight hovering just above Vivvy that she wasn’t aware of until that moment collided with her and she slumped into the cushion. “Nothing.” She whispered. “I just feel...nothing.”

“Yeah…” Nodding knowingly, Tiffany gave a sad smile. “Pretty sure that’s still depression, Viv. And, um, I...I hate to say it, but…” Tiffany pulled a face and flinched away as though someone raised a hand to hit her. “I think I know why.”

Vivvy sat forward. “Why?”

“Well...you started the estrogen a month ago, right?”

Thinking to the brand new bottle she received from Rachel, Vivvy nodded. “Yes, so?”

Sighing, Tiffany held up her hands. “Well, sometimes the hormones don’t agree with people so well. Maybe...maybe cut back to a half dose and see how that goes…” Tiffany shrugged.

“Oh.” The idea that the pills were doing this to her, the pills were responsible for Vivvy’s dreary fog the past few weeks, that the pills were behind the nagging thoughts telling Vivvy she was worthless, ugly, useless, that the pills summoned that old, dusty specter from the depths of her consciousness to slither up her spine and whisper in her ear of ideas, plans, ways in which Vivvy might cast off Vivvy forever, caused an acrid nausea to bubble in her stomach.

They were supposed to be her savior. They were supposed to make Vivvy the woman she always wanted to be, soft and beautiful and demure, the ultimate fantasy. They were supposed to align that which resided within until her body was incandescently gorgeous and Vivvy could strut down the street without shame. They were supposed to make her want to live.

Not this. Tiffany offered some consoling words, but Vivvy didn’t absorb them. She did try a half dose, and it was slightly more tolerable, but not by much, and when Vivvy stared far too long at the razor in the shower one morning before work, she defeatedly gave the rest of her prescription to a woman who, like she had been, was new in town and had little in the way of financial resources.

Sullen, Vivvy sipped her cosmopolitan as the ladies chattered around her and the music throbbed. “Hey…” Rachel rubbed her arm. “It’s… I know it’s rough, Viv, but you’ll be alright.”

Blinking, Vivvy picked at nothing on the table. “How am I ever going to pass?” She spoke softly, and she knew her words might not be heard over the din, but it was difficult to raise her voice in that moment. “If I can’t take them?” Vivvy unconsciously brought her fingers to her ear in a gesture of self comfort, only to remind herself that she wasn’t wearing the pearl and moonstone earrings because she feared for their value if Joliet got too drunk and she had to walk home alone.

Frowning, Rachel gave her arm a squeeze. “Hey…” Trixie lifted a hand, narrowing her eyes. “Who’s that guy? The one who couldn’t stay on T because it made him bleed and shit? You know…” Snapping her fingers, she closed her eyes, thinking. “Always doing that tired 50s James Dean look. Works at the deli.”

“Oh, Trent.” Joliet nodded.

“Yeah.” Clapping in realization, Trixie nodded. “Thank you. You should talk to him.”

Pointing at her, Joliet agreed. “Yeah, he couldn’t stay on ‘mones either. Messed him up bad. Plus, he’s just a solid guy. Brings us sandwiches at the piers sometimes.”

“Oh?” Vivvy ticked up an eyebrow. “Sure. I’d like that, if one of you wouldn’t mind introducing me.”

Squeezing out of the booth, Trixie gestured for her to follow. “Yeah, come on.” 

In her time at the Balls Vivvy noticed it was a little bit like high school. The transsexual women flocked together, separate from the men, the gaggle of gay men taking another corner, whereas the lesbians had their own area. Though there was definite crossover, the divisions were unfortunately there even in their own community, and subdivisions beyond that based on class and color, and Vivvy thought it a damn shame that they couldn’t all come together and embrace what made them unique.

“Trent! Baby!” Trixie waved into the crowd of fellows and a man with slicked back sandy blond hair popped his head up. Emerging with a grin, he tugged down his leather jacket and embraced Trixie once he neared.

“Hey Trix, how are you doing, beautiful?”

“Aw, I’m good, honey, how are you?” Trixie rubbed his arm and Trent nodded, shoving his hands in the pockets of his cuffed jeans.

“Good, good.”

Turning back, Trixie gestured to Vivvy. “Trent, this is my girl, Vivvy. I was wondering if you could tell her about when you went on T, all those problems you had. She tried ‘mones and they didn’t work for her either.”

Trent’s face fell, green eyes blinking as he shifted his weight. “Oh...yeah, sure.” Approaching, he held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Vivvy.”

“A pleasure.” Palm small but shake firm, Trent’s gaze was warm and welcoming and he leaned into Vivvy.

“Do you want to go outside to chat? Pretty loud in here.” Glancing around, Vivvy nodded. Trent looked back at Trixie. “Okay, thanks, Trix. If I don’t see you again, you have a good night and stay safe, alright?”

Waving them away, Trixie smiled. “You too.”

The door closed behind them, instantly muffling the music and Trent suggested they take 

a seat on the steps. “Wait…” He held up a hand as Vivvy was smoothing over her skirt to lower herself. “Hang on.” Removing his leather jacket, Trent draped it over the concrete. “There you go.”

“My…” Vivvy touched a hand to her chest before settling. “How chivalrous of you.”

“Aw, thanks.” Grinning, Trent balanced his elbows on his knees and faced her. “So, hormones didn’t work out for you either, huh?”

Shaking her head, Vivvy sighed. “No. I tried, but…” Looking away sadly, Vivvy shrugged. “I...they made me really depressed.”

Trent nodded heavily. “Me too. It was awful. How long did you stay on ‘em?”

“Well, I did the full dose for a month.” Vivvy explained. “Then tried a half dose for two weeks, but I still couldn’t handle that.”

“I don’t blame you.” Holding up his palms, Trent rocked back. “And honestly, it’s smart you stopped when you did if you realized they were making you depressed. I...didn’t.” Chuckling weakly, he smoothed a hand over his hair. “And I ended up in the fucking hospital.”

“Oh dear!” Vivvy clasped a hand to her chest and then reached out to touch his forearm. “What...I...if it’s something you feel comfortable talking about, would you tell me what happened?”

Lifting a shoulder, Trent gave a sad smile. “Yeah, sure. Well, it went like this. I finally got on the T shots, right? Thought it would be great like all the other fellas said. Sure, a lot of them get mood swings, but usually it’s just getting angry, acting like macho assholes, shit like that…” Trent rolled his eyes and continued. “But there were no swings. I just plummeted. Depressed as shit. Suicidal. And I…” Gnawing on his lip, Trent scanned the area and lowered his voice. “I got a, um...a period that lasted every day for almost seven months.”

“Oh goodness gracious…” Vivvy covered her mouth. “That’s...that’s terrible. And wouldn’t that be dangerous? I mean, losing that much, um...blood?”

Shrugging, Trent lifted his eyebrows. “It was really light, thankfully. But I couldn’t afford to see a doctor on top of the cost of the shots and needles and everything, so I just took iron supplements and hoped for the best. But anyway…” Tossing up a hand, Trent took a deep breath. “I tried to fight through. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I wouldn’t let myself believe it was the T because I needed that to be a good thing, you know? I needed testosterone to be the thing that was going to help me.”

Vivvy nodded in agreement. “Exactly. That’s exactly how I felt.”

“Yeah, it’s...it’s rough.” Trent frowned. “So I tried. But...in the end I…” Eyes falling to the ground, Trent was silent for a moment. “I took a bottle of pills and woke up in the hospital…”

Holding his hand, Vivvy squeezed. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Trent. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Half grinning, Trent patted her fingers. “Thanks, Vivvy. I appreciate that. Yeah…” Shaking his head, Trent sighed. “So...I guess for some of us, for whatever reason, hormones just aren’t an option, which is lame because that means…” Looking down at himself, Trent frowned. “I’m stuck with these. They require you to be on T for at least a year in most cases to get ‘em chopped off.” He touched his strapped down chest.

“Oh.” Vivvy nodded, folding her hands in her lap. “Yes, I...I’ve been worried about how...how I’m never going to...to change now that I won’t be able to take them…”

Shifting closer to her, Trent drew up his knees and wrapped his arms around himself. “Yeah, I...I know it’s hard, Vivvy.” Meeting her cobalt eyes, his earnest soft face was comforting. “But we’ll have to learn to work with what we’ve got. I mean. I always planned to get these removed.” Trent peeked down at his chest. “So I have to learn to accept that they’re probably always going to be there. But as for the, um…” Leaning back a little, Trent looked between his legs. “Don’t tell anyone, especially the guys, but...I was always kind of on the fence about that.”

“What do you mean? Vivvy furrowed her brow.

“Well…” Trent tipped his head back and forth. “I don’t usually talk about it, because, especially with the fellas it’s not a popular opinion, but, I don’t…” Eyes sliding away, Trent gritted his teeth. “I don’t  _ hate _ having one. Or at least not all parts of it. Like the others, they...they talk about how they can’t wait to get their dicks and what a big curse it is and stuff but, I think…” Shrugging, Trent kept his gaze on the ground. “I think I can live with it.” Silent for a moment, when Trent spoke again, his voice was hardly above a whisper. “I don’t know...maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this...that probably makes me less of a man or whatever…”

Vivvy inched closer to him on the step, keeping her tone gentle. “I don’t think so…” She placed a large hand on Trent’s shoulder and smiled. “I don’t hate mine either, I…” Struggling to find the words, Vivvy stared off for a moment. “I...well, I don’t like how it looks, but...I like how it feels. What it does, if that makes sense. I think…” Nodding slowly, Vivvy blinked. “I think if it came down to it, I might keep it. But it would be a difficult decision.”

“Yeah?” Trent’s emerald eyes searched her face and when Vivvy’s head bobbed he broke into a relieved smile. “Thanks, Vivvy. You’re sweet.” 

“Thank you.” Vivvy rubbed his arm before letting her hand fall. “For talking to me about all of this. It made me feel a lot better. Going through this last couple of months has been hard. I felt really alone, especially since all the others take their pills and seem to do just fine.”

Nodding, Trent sighed. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” They sat for a moment, comfortably quiet before Trent stood and dusted off his jeans. “Alright m’lady.” He held out a hand. “Shall we?” 

“Thank you.” Helping Vivvy up, Trent picked up his jacket and shook it out before they went back inside, Vivvy’s worries somewhat assuaged as she melted into the night’s festivities.

***

After completing a morning shift, the day was pleasantly warm and Vivvy elected to stroll by the piers to check in on the ladies before returning home. Normally she didn’t like them to see her out of dress and in her work garb, but going to her apartment and doubling back would mean an extra mile of walking and she knew no one would be unkind, so Vivvy lifted a hand in a wave and the group shouted in recognition as she approached.

“Hey girl, how was work?” Puffing on her cigarette, Joliet smiled. Vivvy was glad they were able to slip into friendship after she moved out. The first couple of weeks were touchy, Joliet somewhat cold when they encountered one another at the Balls, but after she dated, and broke up with, a trick, Joliet apparently decided their tryst wasn’t worth being upset over and Vivvy was relieved.

“Oh, pretty good. Nothing too exciting, just scraping food off plates, as per usual.” Shrugging, Vivvy put her hands in the pockets of her slacks and rocked back on her heels.

“Hey, so…” Eyeing her with a smile, Rachel pointed. “Any luck with that cute busboy?”

Vivvy rolled her eyes. The girls all came in last week for lunch during her shift and discovered one of her fellow employees, Eric, who, Vivvy agreed, was devastatingly attractive, though she knew for a fact was heterosexual as he mentioned his fiancee on more than one occasion. “Of course not.” Giggling, Vivy shook her head.

“Oh hey!” Calling out behind Vivvy, Trixie waved her arms wide. “Sandwich delivery coming through!” 

Vivvy turned around to see a person walking toward them with two large bags gripped in their hands. It wasn’t until they got closer Vivvy realized it was Trent in his own face-the-world costume of an apron over a white blouse and black slacks, short hair fluffy and unruly. They silently shared an acknowledging nod as they took in one another’s appearance and the women descended on the bags of food like a flock of pigeons.

“Gotta lot of great stuff for you today, ladies.” Trent smiled, passing out the offerings. “Turkey and pesto, ham on rye, corned beef, and of course, a massive amount of day old bagels. Crunchy, but still good.”

Claiming a turkey club, Trixie bent down to kiss his cheek. “Aw, bless you, you sweet thing. Thank you” Vivvy didn't think she ever saw someone go quite such a violent shade of pink as Trent did in that moment, green eyes darting and fingers fidgeting. 

“You’re welcome…” He muttered before busying himself with the food once more. “Hey Viv?” Glancing up at her, he smiled. “You hungry? I got plenty here. All leftover, but it still tastes good.”

Vivvy patted her little belly. “I just had half of someone’s steak diane, but thank you.”

“How about for later then?” Trent held out a sandwich and a bagel. “Take something home. Go ahead.”

Grinning, Vivvy bobbed her head. “Alright, thank you, Trent. I appreciate it.”

“Oh, Viv.” Holding a hand in front of her face as she spoke over a mouthful of ham, Rachel blinked. “We’re going to Julius’ tonight, you wanna come?”

“Who’s Julius?”

Once again everyone laughed and Vivvy found herself standing on the outside of a joke. “Not who, Vivvy.” Tiffany said after swallowing. “Where. It’s a gay bar.”

“Oh!” Smiling, Vivvy nodded. “Sure. Sounds fun.”

Examining herself in the mirror, Vivvy tugged on her silver-patterned head covering and frowned at the hemline of her yellow jumper. It was short, perhaps too short, but when she went shopping with Trixie and she showered her legs with compliments, Vivvy couldn’t resist buying it. Layering it over a long sleeve black t-shirt that she figured made her shoulders appear narrower, Vivvy stepped into her white heels, gave her knees one last pass with lotion, and locked the door behind her.

As she clicked her way to Joliet’s building the burning eyes followed Vivvy down the street. One thing she didn’t enjoy about the warmer weather was the staring. In the winter, not only was Vivvy half hidden by her coat, but the other residents of New York either weren’t outside, or they scurried so quickly from place to place that they didn’t pay her any mind. 

Now crowds leisurely strolled in the sunlight, and they used the opportunity to gawk at Vivvy. She heard the whispers, sometimes even caught a word or two, but so far there was only one instance of outright cruelty.

It was Mid-March and she and Joliet were on their way home from the Ball, laughing as they recounted a particularly amusing number when a man passed between them, head down and walking fast. 

“Happy St. Paddy’s, faggots.”

It happened so quickly Vivvy barely had time to register a response before he was a block away. The strange part was he said it casually, as though it were a prearranged greeting, like the three of them knew one another and that was how they walked by each other every day.

When she expressed her disgust to Joliet, she merely shrugged. “Well, at least he told us to have a happy one.” Taking another puff, Vivvy supposed she was right. Compared to many of the horror stories, it was a harmless encounter and coming away unscathed, she was grateful.

But she hustled and was relieved to reach Joliet’s building and join up with the others. They all had a rule not to walk alone after dark if they could help it, often crashing with one another until morning as they knew how the New York nights could be unkind to the women amongst them if they didn’t have at least one extra pair of eyes watching out.

The four entered Julius’ and, despite it catering to their community, garnered some strange looks as they chose an empty booth and sat down. Vivvy wasn't shocked. By now she knew that even amongst the queers, people wanted you to fit in, conform, and anything too out of the ordinary was shunned. 

Ordering a round, the ladies chatted, Vivvy sitting on the outside of the booth and wiggling a foot in the air as she tried to relax into her skin and her seat, hands clasping and unclasping nervously. No matter how long she was acquainted with someone, it seemed a hint of anxiety hung around Vivvy, latching on like a remora, and she wondered if she would ever be able to shake it.

“Oooh Viv…” Trixie smirked, raising an eyebrow. “I think you have an admirer.” She slyly pointed toward the bar and Vivvy turned to see a tall man with buoyant orange hair, his eyes lingering over her as he held a glass of wine to his thin lips. Locking into Vivvy with his crystalline blue eyes, he didn’t turn away in embarrassment, but rather a slow smile spread over his features and his almost impossibly faint ginger eyebrows crept up his forehead.

“Oooh!” Pinching her lovehandle, Rachel nudged her with an elbow. “Girl, go get him.”

With a nervous giggle, Vivvy shook her head. “What? No. He’s probably looking at Joliet, and anyway…” Casting her eyes over the tall gentleman again, Vivvy shrugged. “He’s old.”

“Pssh.” Joliet waved a hand. “Who gives a shit? Plus,” Leaning out for a closer look, Joliet frowned in appraisal. “He’s good looking. I’d say….what? 50’s maybe? That’s not bad. And that suit? Those shoes?” Bobbing her head, she raised an eyebrow. “Man’s got money, honey.”

“Yup.” Trixie stared him up and down hungrily. “Girl, you don’t go get him, I will. Come on…” Gesturing with her head, she grinned. “Just go stand by the bar. See what happens.”

Vivvy looked between their three encouraging faces and, downing the rest of her cosmopolitan, took a deep breath and smacked her palms on the table with a smile. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

They gave her a tiny round of applause as Vivvy slid out of the booth, trying to remind herself to stand up straight as her heels clicked over the floor and she timidly took the stool three spots away from him. His bright blue eyes followed her every movement as she approached and, though Vivvy noticed he didn’t appear to blink as often as normal people, there wasn’t lechery in his gaze, but rather admiration. 

Bartender occupied at the other end, the tall man reached her first as he sidled up, elbow resting on the counter as he set down his glass. “Hello there.”

“Hello.” Vivvy was having difficulty looking at him. His stare was intense, focused, and it was zeroed in on her, not an experience with which she was familiar. Also, even among biological men, in her heels most had to look up at Vivvy. For him that was not the case.

“I’m sorry.” 

Blinking in confusion, Vivvy thought she might’ve spaced out for a moment. “Sorry? For...for what?”

He chuckled lightly, indicating with his head the table of women. “For staring.” His voice was light and reedy as he crossed large hands in front of himself with a grin. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable, but…” Looking her up and down, his nostrils flared. “You have perhaps the best pair of legs I have ever seen.”

“Oh…” Face warming, Vivvy’s sapphire eyes darted and a smile bubbled to her lips as she fought the urge to fidget. “Well, thank you. I’m...I’m a dancer, so…”

Raising an impressed eyebrow, he nodded. “I’m not surprised. May I ask your name?”

“Vivvy.”

“Hello Vivvy.” He extended a freckled hand. “I’m Conrad. Conrad Bennett.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bennett.” Vivvy smiled as they shook, noticing how smooth his skin was in passing and self conscious of her own chapped fingers.

Taking a sip of his wine, he waved her away. “Conrad, Please.” He grinned. “And the pleasure is all mine. May I buy you a drink?”

“Certainly.” 

Conrad motioned for the bartender. “Hello Michael, may I have another Pinot, and anything the beautiful lady desires, please?”

Certain she was a furious hue of pink, Vivvy hoped the dim bar lighting shadowed some of it as she requested a cosmopolitan and the bartender fixed their order.

“So, a dancer, eh?” Conrad turned to her, topped off wine in hand. “What kind of dance do you do?”

“Modern, mostly.” In her nerves Vivvy took too big a swallow and almost choked, but thankfully passed it off as a clearing of the throat.

“Wow, well…” Holding his glass aloft, Conrad tipped his head. “Cheers to you for that. I can’t dance a step. This old thing.” He gestured down at his lanky body. “I look awkward as hell on the floor.”

Vivvy giggled, peering up at him through her eyelashes. “I bet you’re better than you think you are.”

“You think so, huh?” Conrad leaned it, smirking at her and Vivvy nodded as she stirred the contents of her drink. “Maybe you want to show me a few moves sometime?”

Giggles squeaking out, Vivvy folded her lips under, raising a shoulder noncommittally and looking away. “So, um…” Composing herself a little, Vivvy took in his well cut navy suit and silk tie. “What do you do?”

“Finance.” Conrad sighed heavily. “Boring. Not worth talking about, if I’m honest. Just numbers and phone calls and tedious people concerned with tedious things.” He gave a tired half grin. Vivvy finished her drink and set down her glass, Conrad tapping the rim with one long finger. “Miss Vivvy…” Meeting her eye, the corner of his mouth ticked up. “If I buy you another, any chance I might get your phone number?”

Anxious mirth irrepressible, Vivvy covered her lips before crossing her wrists in front of herself and twisting on her stool. “Alright. Yes, I...I suppose there’s no harm in that.”

Smiling, Conrad nodded. “Wonderful.” Craning his neck, he held up two fingers to get the bartender's attention again. “A refill for the lady.” Conrad grinned. “And I’m sorry, Miss Vivvy, but I have an early meeting so I’ll have to cut our introduction short. I just couldn’t forgive myself if I left tonight without a way of seeing you again.”

“Oh, well…” Jotting her number down on a napkin, Vivvy beamed and handed it to him. “There you are.” 

“Thank you.” Conrad tucked it into his jacket pocket. “It was lovely meeting you, Vivvy. I’ll call soon.” Placing a bill on the counter, he shook her hand in farewell and offered a small wave before striding out of the bar on his long legs. Carrying her drink back to the table, the ladies pummeled her with questions and Vivvy recounted her experience down to the last freckle on his fingers, New England accent worsening in her excitement.

“But he was probably just being nice…” She shrugged dismissively, finishing off her drink. “I doubt he’ll actually call me.”


	5. 5

When Conrad did call to arrange a date two days later, Vivvy twisted herself up in the phone line so sufficiently in her jubilation that when she went to hang up and walk away she tumbled, springing back to the wall with a yelp. 

Vivvy recruited the ladies to help her with her makeup and choosing an outfit, but instantly regretted it as Joliet applied her foundation and she received numerous pieces of competing information.

“Order whatever you want, Viv. He looks like he can afford it.”

“Eat light. In case y’all are having sex after.”

“Don’t let him pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do, okay, Viv?”

“I mean, if he buys her a lobster dinner, she could jerk him off a  _ little…” _

“Girl,  _ no…” _

Flustered, Vivvy smoothed her hands over the red dress, double checking that none of her hair could be seen beneath her black head scarf before going to her dresser to retrieve her grandmother’s earrings. She figured anywhere Conrad was likely to take her would be safe enough to wear them and as she gave herself a final once over in the mirror, double checking her rounded teeth and her nostrils, she deemed herself ready.

Seven o’clock approaching, Vivvy lifted her bag to her shoulder and Trixie gave her arm a squeeze. “Alright Viv, remember, try to have  _ fun,  _ okay?” Vivvy nodded with a wavering smile, looking around at her friend’s happy faces. “Oh, and…” Trixie fished into her jeans before handing Vivvy a pocket knife. “Here.” Expression serious, Trixie pressed it into her palm, closing Vivvy’s fingers over the weapon. “In case he tries to have too much fun.”

Nodding heavily, Vivvy slipped it into her purse, praying she wouldn’t need it as the girls filed out and she locked the door behind them. Vivvy could feel their eyes on her as she waited on the sidewalk for Conrad to arrive, and it was comforting, like three guardian angels who wanted to make sure she got home safely. Part of Vivvy thought it would be neat if they were to invoke the old tradition of having a chaperone on dates within their community. It would certainly improve safety, even if it would perhaps dampen romance.

Black Mercedes rolling to a stop in front of her building, Conrad’s tall form bounded out to open the passenger door for her with a flourish. “Good evening, Miss Vivvy.” He smiled as she approached the car. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you.” Adjusting her head scarf as she took her seat, Vivvy smiled and buckled her seat belt.

Radio tinkling in the background, Conrad’s hands tapped lightly on the steering wheel as he drove. “So...where are we going?” 

“There’s a little piano bar I know that does a decent dinner, if that sounds good to you.” Conrad suggested as he made a right turn. 

“Sure.” Vivvy nodded. “That sounds nice.” She noticed as they drove a pleasant smell wafting from the interior of his car. Bergamot, mahogany, citrus, and something else she couldn’t quite identify. Vivvy wondered if the scent was Conrad or a substance imbibed in the leather as he parked in front of a bar emblazoned with a neon sign reading ‘Reggie’s.’

Once again Conrad jogged around to open the door for her and Vivvy appreciated the chivalry as he extended a hand to help her out. Securing a table in the corner, Vivvy was anxious as they sat, but as she glanced around Vivvy spotted a familiar face and her sharp jaw dropped.

“Oh!” 

Conrad looked at her with concern. “What is it? Something wrong?”

“No…” Vivvy shook her head. “It’s just...I know her.” Lowering her voice, she tilted her head toward a table in the back where a tall redhead laughed across from a balding man.

“Ah, well…” Folding his hands on the table, Conrad nodded. “Perhaps I should’ve mentioned. I chose Reggie’s because I know it’s...safe. We won’t be hassled. The staff and everyone. Very accepting.”

“Oh.” Bobbing her head, Vivvy set her purse on the table and perused the menu. “So...you’ve dated women like me before?” The ladies gave her several warnings about men. Hundreds, honestly. One of which was that men who pursued women like them often didn’t want them for who they were, but for what they were, turning them into charicatures, nothing more than sex toys, and Vivvy was on the alert as she sat across from Conrad’s slender frame.

Conrad stuck out his lower lip. “I have a feeling there are no women like you, Vivvy.” Grinning, his blue eyes sparkled. “But if you mean have I dated transsexual women before, yes. Not exclusively. I’ve dated all types of women. Some men, too. Not especially picky.” Smiling, Conrad shrugged. “How about you?”

“Oh well…” Vivvy looked away, biting her lip. “I...I don’t date much.”

Chuckling, Conrad tilted his head. “Why not? You’re so gorgeous.”

Folding forward on herself, Vivvy giggled. “Thanks, but, um...I don’t know, I guess…” Lifting a shoulder, she bit her lip. “I guess I just get nervous. And I haven’t had many opportunities, so…”

Conrad nodded as their waiter arrived. Placing their orders, Vivvy told herself to relax as Conrad’s sky blue eyes looked back at her over the tiny flickering candle. “So…” He grinned, leaning forward. “Aside from dancing, how do you spend your time, Miss Vivvy?”

“Well, I work a lot.” Vivvy rolled her eyes.

“Where?”

Pointing needlessly over her shoulder, Vivvy lifted her eyebrows. “The Greentree Cafe? On 36th?”

“Ah…” Conrad nodded. “Never been, but I’ve driven by there. Are you a waitress?”

“No, just a dishwasher.” Vivvy shrugged, smiling sadly.

Conrad shook his head. “Nothing wrong with honest work. Do they let you be yourself there?”

“No, well…” Pausing, Vivvy narrowed her eyes at the ceiling. “I haven’t ever tried. But I don’t think it would go well. It’s not that kind of place.”

Nodding slowly, Conrad frowned. “I’m sorry. That must be difficult.” Vivvy offered a resigned smile and they were quiet for a moment. “What do you do for fun?”

“Hmm, well...besides dancing…” Considering, Vivvy pouted her lips. “I guess reading, mostly. I don’t have time for much else.” 

Their drinks arrived and Conrad took a sip of his wine. “Oh yeah? What do you like to read?”

“Fiction. Currently on a John Steinbeck streak. I just  _ adore _ him.” Vivvy brought her hands to her chest, eyelids fluttering.

“Me too.” Conrad flashed a radiant smile, corners of his eyes crinkling. “What’s your favorite of his?”

Pondering, Vivvy tapped her fingers on the table. “Well...I think I’d have to go with  _ East of Eden _ , but  _ Pastures of Heaven _ is a close second. I don’t know, Steinbeck, he just has this way of describing people…” Hand groping in the air as though she could capture her thoughts, Vivvy knit her prominent eyebrows together. “He talks about people who struggle, you know, in their minds, with such a...a deftness. A skill. Like he truly must’ve known what it was like to hurt. I love that about him.”

Conrad observed her, resting his chin in his palm. “Very astute, Vivvy. I agree. His work is spectacular, and he really was a man who knew the human condition better than most.” Nodding, he sat back. “One of the few fiction writers I get into. Honestly, I spend most of my time reading historical biographies and the like. Pretty boring, I guess.” He chuckled and as he said it Vivvy realized she’d been rattling on about herself nonstop without asking him a question and was horrified at her lack of manners.

“How about you? What do you do for fun?”

“Well…” Sighing, Conrad shrugged. “Like yourself I work a lot, so there isn’t much time, and I also enjoy reading. And I play guitar.”

Vivvy gasped. “You do?”

“Yes, but...” Conrad chuckled, holding up his hands. “Don’t get too excited. I’m not that good.”

“Still…” Lifting a shoulder, Vivvy smiled. “I think that’s wonderful. It’s so important to be creative, I think.”

Grinning, Conrad nodded. “Agreed.”

Their meals came and for a few minutes they ate in companionable silence, Vivvy peeking up at Conrad every so often as a question built behind her teeth she couldn’t swallow. “May I…” She began, setting down her fork. “May I ask you something? And I apologize if it’s rude…”

“Of course.” Conrad replied after a bite of chicken. “Whatever you like.”

“How…” Vivvy bit her lip, peering at him timidly. “How old are you?”

Conrad laughed, tossing his head back and clutching his chest. Ironically enough, his glee radiated a youthfulness previously unseen. “That’s not rude, Vivvy. I don’t mind you asking.” Shaking his head, Conrad composed himself. “I’m 57. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?”

“I’m 25.” Vivvy replied, then looked off to the side and blinked. “Well, not for long. I’ll be 26 next week.”

“Oh?” Conrad hiked up a faint tangerine eyebrow. “Your birthday is coming up?”

Nodding, Vivvy smiled. “Yes, on the seventh.”

“Well…” Conrad grinned, slicing into his potato. “I hope you’ll let me take you out to celebrate. That is…” Settling back, Conrad shifted his eyes. “Sorry, that was presumptuous. I just meant, if you don’t already have plans and if, well, if you enjoyed tonight...I would very much like to see you again…”

He looked distraught at his faux pas, so Vivvy extended her arm, resting her fingers over Conrad’s hand. “I would like that, Conrad.” Blue eyes meeting, they shared a smile and spent the rest of the meal enjoying one another’s company, Vivvy discovering that Conrad was long since divorced with no children, lived uptown, and was surprisingly funny, sending her into peals of high-pitched giggles that left her rocking back and forth and slapping her knee, and left him beaming as he soaked in the sight of her joy.

Driving her home, Conrad once again came to her side and his soft hand assisted Vivvy to the curb. As he walked Vivvy to her stoop, blood whooshed in her ears and she wished her dress had pockets in which she could hide her fidgeting hands.

“Well, Vivvy, I had a lovely time.” Conrad turned to her once they reached the door, grinning.

Nodding, Vivvy crossed her wrists in front of herself. “Me too. Thank you. For dinner and...everything.”

“Of course. Thank you for accompanying me.” Eyes falling on her nervous face, Conrad took half a step forward. “Vivvy? May I kiss you?”

Lungs seizing, Vivvy bit the inside of her cheek. “Alright.” Mouth suddenly dry, Vivvy swallowed a couple of times as Conrad’s freckled hand cupped her sculpted jaw and his thin lips drew near. Mouths meeting, he held patiently against her until Vivvy’s fingers wound into his ginger hair and she tilted her head, opening beneath his touch to allow his tongue passage.

Vivvy molded against him, discovering the intoxicating scent in the car did indeed waft directly from his pale flesh as Conrad took her waist, humming appreciatively and licking into her mouth, his hand warm and strong as it hooked around the back of her neck to hold her close and dip Vivvy low.

Draping her arms about his shoulders, Vivvy lifted her leg slightly to his waist and Conrad couldn’t resist a brief squeeze of her carved thigh before straightening Vivvy up, parting from her with a shuddering breath and a smoothing over his tie. “Well…” Clearing his throat, Conrad ran a hand through his orange hair. “Thank you, Miss Vivvy, that was…”

“Wonderful…” Vivvy exhaled, hand trailing down his jacket before interlacing their fingers.

“Yes.” Nodding, Conrad reached up to polish her sharp cheekbone. “Yes, exactly.” He leaned forward to give her a last brief peck and smiled. “Alright, I’ll call you soon. You have a good night, Vivvy.”

“You too, Conrad.” Waving goodbye, once Vivvy got inside her apartment, she thought she understood for the first time what swooning meant as she full body collapsed back onto her bed in all of her garb, arms above her head with a breathy sigh, kicking her heels over the floor and squealing.

Vivvy told herself not to get excited, not to think too far ahead, not to fantasize. But it was too late, her mind worked overtime as Vivvy disrobed and washed her face, crawling into bed with images of Conrad floating by whether she wanted them to or not.

As she drifted, Vivvy’s eyes snapped open. Her first kiss. That was her first kiss with a man and she didn’t realize it until that moment. Flipping onto her back, a slow, goofy grin spread over Vivvy’s face in the muted blue moonlight of her tiny apartment as she stared at the ceiling in awe.  _ Well, at least if I had to wait this long, thank goodness it was a damn good one… _

***

Conrad took her to dinner again four days later, and when the two of them began passionately kissing on her doorstep, Vivvy needily grabbing at his jacket as she sensed him stiffening against her thigh and pressing her into the windowpane until old Mrs. Windsham interrupted them to walk Rufus, she was more than tempted to invite him upstairs. But Vivvy’s fears won out, giving Conrad a chaste goodnight kiss before they made plans to get together for her birthday.

It ate up the majority of her monthly spending money, but when Vivvy stumbled across the violet dress at the thrift store, short enough to wink her thighs and just broad enough in the chest to zip closed, she couldn’t pass it by. Bedecking herself in the pearl and moonstone earrings and a white headscarf, Vivvy stepped out into the balmy night and when Conrad approached, looking especially handsome in a black suit and silver tie, she smiled.

“Wait…” He held up a hand as she approached the car. “Here.” Taking an arm from behind his back he exposed a bouquet of stargazer lilies. “I thought you might want to bring these inside first.”

Gasping, Vivvy brought a hand to her chest. “Oh Conrad, they’re so beautiful. Thank you.” Kissing his cheek, she threaded her fingers through his ginger hair. “Yes, I’ll just go put them in some water. Would you like to come in?”

“Sure.” Conrad’s long limbs followed her up the three flights to her apartment, hands in his pockets as he peered around her minuscule space. As she bent over to get a pitcher from the bottom cupboard, his eyes widened at her flexing thighs. “Miss Vivvy…” Murmuring softly, Conrad shook his head. “That dress…” Vivvy looked at him and he made his eyebrows dance. “Makes me think it’s my birthday.”

Giggling, Vivvy rolled her eyes as she ran the water, placing the flowers on the counter. “Alright, let’s go.” She patted Conrad’s shoulder, locking the door behind her.

Conrad held the door open for her and Vivvy spotted a package on the seat wrapped in shiny silver paper. “What’s that?” She turned to him, blinking.

“Your present, silly.” Rubbing the small of her back, Conrad chuckled.

Vivvy unwrapped it as Conrad peeled away from the curb and out fell a copy of John Steinbeck’s  _ East of Eden _ . Opening the cover, Vivvy discovered that, not only was it a first edition, it was signed by the author. “Oh my…” Hand to her lips, Vivvy shook her head. “Conrad, this is…” Vivvy swallowed hard, glancing over at Conrad, who casually drove, little smile adorning his thin lips. “This is too generous. I can’t accept it. Really…”

“Aw, come on…” Conrad waved a hand. “It’s fine. You deserve it, Viv.” Reaching across, he gave her fingers a brief squeeze before taking the wheel again. “Happy birthday.”

Vivvy caressed the cover before holding the book to her chest. “Thank you. I love it.”

“You’re so welcome, Vivvy. I’m glad.” Stopping at an intersection, Vivvy hastily leaned over to take his sharp chin and drag his face over to hers, linking their mouths. Tongues twirling, she fisted into his orange hair and Conrad’s hand snuck up her thigh until a blaring horn behind them made them both jump.

Traffic proceeding without them, Conrad blinked and returned his focus to the road. “Right…” Chuckling, he smoothed back his hair. “Well, um…” Off kilter, Conrad cleared his throat as he made a left turn. “So this place we’re going, I’ve never been there before, but I’ve heard from a friend of mine it’s supposed to be pretty safe. But Viv, if anyone says anything, or you don’t feel comfortable, you let me know right away and we’ll leave, alright?”

“Alright…” Vivvy narrowed her eyes. “What kind of place is it?”

“Well…” Tapping the wheel, Conrad smiled. “I’d like it to be a surprise, if that’s okay.”

Agreeing, albeit suspiciously, when they parked in front of an abandoned stripmall it served to further Vivvy’s skepticism. It wasn't until Conrad opened the door that she heard the music. Strolling arm in arm around the corner, a handful of smokers stood outside before Conrad led her through the glass doorway and into a sparsely decorated room filled with raucous tunes and writhing bodies. “Conrad…” Vivvy clutched his arm excitedly. “Are you taking me dancing?”

“Yes, Vivvy.” Chuckling, Conrad gave her waist a squeeze. “Prepare to lose every ounce of attraction you have for me.”

Smacking his chest playfully, Vivvy kissed Conrad’s cheek and they wove their way to the makeshift bar. After a drink apiece, Vivvy and Conrad hit the floor, and he wasn’t nearly as bad a dancer as he claimed. Sure, his hips were a bit stiff and he didn’t know any of the fancier moves Vivvy picked up in recent months, but the fact that he was willing to try made him irresistibly sexy. After another drink and three more songs, Vivvy gyrated against him shamelessly, Conrad’s sizable hands on her hips as she held her cheek to his, fingers playing with his hair and breath warm against his ear. 

“Conrad…” Vivvy spoke barely loud enough to be heard over the music. “Take me home.”

Nodding, Conrad took a step back. “Alright, I suppose it is getting pretty late. I should get you back.”

“No…” Cupping his cheek, Vivvy pierced him with her oceanic eyes. “Take me to your place.”

A shiver went through Conrad and he swallowed. “Alright.” Nodding slowly, his hand moved to the small of Vivvy’s back. “Let’s go.”

Threading through the mass of bodies with renewed purpose, Conrad arrived at the car and as he held the door for her, Vivvy saw his fingers fiddling and the muscle in his jaw flickering.  _ Maybe he’s nervous, too…  _ Though she was certain Conrad probably had many partners before herself, the idea was reassuring as they drove to his apartment, Mercedes sheltering in an underground garage before they took an elevator up to the 18th floor.

Conrad unlocked the door and Vivvy tried not to gawp as he led her inside. The place was gargantuan. Her entire apartment could fit in his kitchen. Vivvy almost forgot what it was like being around wealth, and for the first time in her life, the rich fabrics, the designer furniture, the high end appliances, made her feel vaguely uncomfortable and out of place.

“Would you like something to drink?” Conrad toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket. “Water? Beer? Wine? I might have a bottle of something stronger around somewhere, but…”

“Just water, thank you.” Stepping out of her heels, Vivvy padded after him towards the kitchen and Conrad got two glasses, handing her one. Drinking down half, he came around the counter to join her, touching Vivvy’s elbow.

“Could I kiss you, Viv?”

Removing her purse, Vivvy placed it on a stool. “Yes, please.” 

Smiling, Conrad caught her mouth, hands gliding up and down her sides as he pulled her into his slender body. Vivvy hung her arms about his shoulders, tongues dancing as she raised her leg to encircle his waist.

Conrad gripped under her thigh, sigh rumbling up from his chest and rolling his hips toward her. When Vivvy first felt his erection brush against her, she left his mouth with a gasp, fingers digging into his back with alarm.

“You okay, Viv?” Pausing to examine her dark blue eyes, Conrad lowered her knee a little.

Vivvy nodded. “Yes, yes, I’m alright.”

Caressing her cheek, when Conrad spoke his voice was deeper than usual, honeyed with desire. “Do you want to go to my bedroom?”

“Yes.” Vivvy nodded, taking his hand and following him to a room that, though somewhat barren, was tasteful for a bachelor, done in creams and browns with a large bed at whose foot they stood.

“Vivvy…” Eyes drinking her in, Conrad smiled. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Carding her fingers through his ginger tresses, Vivvy exhaled audibly. “You’re so sexy, Conrad.” Grinning, he leaned forward to kiss her, but Vivvy placed a hand to his chest. “Wait, um, there’s something I should tell you…” Vivvy bit her lip, staring at the carpet. “Conrad, I...I haven’t…” Voice shrinking, Vivvy leaned her weight to one side. “I’ve never done this before. With a man, I mean…”

“Oh…” Blinking, Conrad stood still for a moment, then recovering, took Vivvy’s square chin. “That’s okay. I don’t mind. And Viv…” Conrad met her with his light blue eyes. ”We don’t have to do this, or anything you don’t want to do. I’m fine taking it slow. I just want to get to know you. If you want me to take you home right now, I will. No hard feelings, okay? And I promise I’ll still call you for dinner again in a couple of days.”

Vivvy took his hand. Nodding. “Thank you, Conrad. That’s very kind. I want to, though. I just…” Mouth open, Vivvy looked off to the side. “I don’t know how really and...and…” Hanging her head, her lips barely moved as she continued. “I’m worried I won’t be any good at it…”

“Aw, Viv…” Conrad stroked her arm, kissing Vivvy’s forehead. “I’m sure you’ll be lovely. And we can figure it out together. Take things slowly. It’ll be okay.”

“But what if…” Vivvy stepped closer, folding into him and touching a kiss to Conrad’s neck. “What if it’s not? I...I like you a lot. What if it’s disappointing? I…” Leaning into his warmth, Vivvy buried her face in his chest. “I want to make you feel good.”

Conrad shuddered, hands crawling over Vivvy’s wide back and brushing his lips below her ear. “It’ll be okay, Viv. I want to make you feel good, too. So good…” Mouths fusing, Conrad undid his tie as his fingers trickled down to knead Vivvy’s little ass, rotating his hips forward as Vivvy began unbuttoning his shirt.

Pushing it off his shoulders, Conrad went to the zipper of her dress. “Can I take this off?” Vivvy nodded and as he unwrapped her Conrad smiled delightedly, peeling away the purple fabric and revealing Vivvy’s matching bra and panties, her cock half hard beneath them.

“Fuck, Vivvy…” Never having heard him swear before, it made Vivvy tingle to hear his voice drip with arousal. “You’re so damn sexy.”

Undoing his zipper, Vivvy nodded insistently. “You too, Conrad.” He had a better body than Vivvy would’ve expected for a man his age, lightly muscled abs and arms with a smattering of orange body hair she found endearing, not to mention a riot of freckles, so many that Vivvy wondered if there were enough time left in their lives for her to count them all if she were to start now.

Conrad shrugged off his slacks and boxers revealing his cock, long and pink and straining beneath his navel as he touched her love handles and gave Vivvy a delicate kiss. “Do you want to lay down?”

Nodding, Vivvy crawled back in bed and, after retrieving a tube of lubricant from his bedside stand, Conrad joined her. “So Viv…” Drawing invisible patterns on her little belly, Conrad gazed into her with his eyes, illuminated with intelligence and curiosity. “I don’t want to assume anything. So, whatever you’re up for, you let me know, alright?”

“I…” Vivvy rubbed his arm. “I...want you inside of me, Conrad.”

Conrad considered her for a moment, thumb tracing Vivvy’s lower lip. “Are you sure, Vivvy? I really don’t mind if we wait.”

“Yes.” Vivvy nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Alright.” Fingertips brushing over her collarbone, Conrad swallowed. “A couple of things first, though. Are there any places you don’t want me to touch? Things you don’t want me to do? Of course, I’ll do my best to ask as we go along, but I don’t want to get caught up and make a move that’ll be uncomfortable for you.”

Smiling, Vivvy touched his cheek. “Thank you. Well, I…” Vivvy thought for a moment. It wasn’t the easiest question considering her few sexual encounters, and she had to reflect on what she liked in masturbation to truly get an idea. “If I...can I keep my bra on? And maybe...maybe don’t touch my chest so much if that’s alright?”

Conrad nodded. “Of course, not a problem. Anything else?”

Searching her brain, Vivvy shook her head. “Not that I can think of.”

“Okay, also…” Glancing between her legs, Conrad lifted a shoulder. “In my experience, it’s better if I start with my fingers. Warm you up a bit. Makes things easier. Would you like that?”

“If, um…” Shifting on the mattress, Vivvy nodded. “If you want to, yes. That sounds nice.”

Lowering himself between her legs, Conrad peeled off Vivvy’s panties, guiding her thighs apart before he squeezed the sticky liquid over his hand. “I apologize if this is a bit cold to start.” Touching her opening, Vivvy flinched reflexively as Conrad slathered over her, but eventually she relaxed into the sheets, telling herself to inhale, to exhale, the sensation of his swiping exhilarating.

“Are you ready, Viv?” Conrad planted a kiss to her knee.

Swallowing, Vivvy nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright. I’ll start with just one.” Watching as Vivvy’s body absorbed knuckle after knuckle, Conrad slowly swirled, then crooked his lengthy finger up, searching until the muscles in Vivvy’s shapely legs flexed and she gasped. Conrad bent forward, linking to Vivvy’s lips. “Does that feel good, Viv?” 

“Yes…” Vivvy breathed as he gently pulsed inside of her, resting a hand on Conrad’s shoulder.

Conrad glanced between her legs. “Do you want me to stroke you, too?”

“God yes.” Gripping him fiercely, Vivvy nodded and Conrad grinned. Warm palm enveloping her, Vivvy sighed, back arching as Conrad pumped. “Can I…” Her deep blue eyes snapping open, Vivvy gazed down at his turgid cock. “Can I touch you, too?”

“Of course.” Conroad kissed along her crisp jawline. “Please.”

Vivvy took him in hand, tugging as Conrad developed a steady pace while their mouths fused that had Vivvy’s body struggling to decide whether it wanted to drive down onto his finger or thrust into the tight circle of his fist. “More…” Vivvy tore at his tangerine tresses, eyes clenched and breathing shallow. “ _ More _ .”

A deep chuckle rumbled up from Conrad’s chest as he kissed Vivvy’s neck, nipping a little and provoking an amused gasp. “You got it, beautiful.” Slipping a second finger in alongside, Conrad hastened his pace, his own hips tilting into Vivvy’s touch as he hummed against her pink lips.

Vivvy rolled her body, anxiously seeking friction, mouth growing uncoordinated as moans threatened to squeak out and she clawed at Conrad’s shoulder. “ _ Oh! Oh Conrad, yes! That’s...I _ …” Bobbing her head urgently, she patted his arm. “I need you inside me.  _ Now. Please.” _

“You sure, Viv?” Conrad peppered kisses along her collarbone and didn’t let up the actions of his hands as Vivvy pressed her head back into the pillow in desperation.

“ _ Yes, please! Just...just _ …” Breathy moans rising, Vivvy covered her eyes for a moment, then took two fistfuls of the sheets. “ _ Just fuck me!” _

“Mmm…” Extricating himself, Conrad came to his knees between her legs. In her squirming, Vivvy’s head scarf was knocked loose, and she tried to pull it back on, but Conrad reached up to card his fingers through her short chestnut waves. “You’re so gorgeous, Vivvy.”

Vivvy squeezed his arm as Conrad smeared himself with the lube, applying more to her entrance. She knew it was possibly unwise to ask, that maybe it was the wrong time, but Vivvy thought she would regret it if she didn’t. “You really think so? Truly?”

“I do.” Conrad nodded, free hand roaming over her legs, her belly, her arms with a smile.

“So you don’t…” Vivvy’s hand stilled on his skin, gritting her teeth, jawline flickering as she looked away. “Think I’m...manly...or what have you…”

“I don’t.” Seeing Vivvy’s pained expression, Conrad imagined there were more than a few in her past who falsely perceived Vivvy that way and he bent forward, combing back her hair. “Vivvy, you are beautiful.” Conrad laced his words with his lips as he spoke to her, long fingers moving over her scalp. “Soft...delicate...sexy...smart...coy...funny...and…” Conrad chuckled, shaking his head. “With gams like those, a bit of a tease.” Vivvy giggled, pinching his waist and biting her tongue. “But never that, alright? Anyone who says so is just trying to hurt you and pull you down. Don’t listen. You’re a stunning woman. Always.” Capturing her mouth, Conrad intertwined their tongues with fortitude, with adoration and thoughtfulness before sitting back on his heels with a grin.

“Thank you, Conrad.” Pressure behind her eyes, Vivvy blinked rapidly and nodded as he aligned himself with her..

“Of course, Viv.” Stroking her thigh, he met Vivvy’s eyes, nervous but lust-laden as she nodded her head. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Inching forward, Vivvy’s spine curved and her limbs scrambled, a high pitched noise releasing from her throat as her eyes rolled. 

Conrad froze, head of his cock inside of her as he rubbed Vivvy’s hip. “Are you alright, Viv?”

“Yes, I…” Licking her lips, Vivvy took a deep breath and commanded her body to relax. “I’m sorry. I just...need a minute I think.”

“Don’t apologize.” Fingers tickling down her erection in hopes it would soothe her, Conrad exhaled. “Take your time. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

After Vivvy’s muscles obeyed, she did, and with a couple of more pauses Conrad sheathed himself inside of her, leaning down on one elbow while the other fingers encased her cock. “You ready for me to move now, Viv?”

Vivvy shifted a little, draping her arms over his shoulders and planting her feet in the mattress. “Yes.”

Conrad began swiveling inside of her, pulling Vivvy in time with his movements as he sought her pink lips. It took a couple of minutes, but eventually Vivvy got the hang of their cadence, her pelvis rising to meet his thrusts as she moaned into his mouth. 

Coming up on one knee, Conrad angled himself to hit her prostate more effectively, flicking his hips in the upstroke but careful not to go too vigorously.

As his cock bore into her, the storm building inside Vivvy was like nothing she ever experienced. It was almost like the moment right before she came, but drawn out, languorous, extended for eons and decadent as Vivvy found herself awash in the divine sensations.

“ _ Oh Conrad! Yes! Just like that! _ ” Vivvy’s body wanted him deeper, wanted more, wanted Conrad. Her hips slammed forward and she scraped her nails over his shoulders, helpless whimpers tumbling from her lips as Conrad’s wrist flashed over her throbbing cock.

“ _ Yes, Conrad! Yes! Fuck me! Don’t stop!” _ Never imagining herself so bold, Vivvy threw her head back, bearing onto his substantial cock and lowering her hands to his waist to guide Conrad inside as she whined. “ _ Yes! Yes! Conrad! CONRAD! _ ” Body tensing, Vivvy’s face contorted, left eye twitching before, with a tremulous shriek of ecstasy she released, staining her bra, knees weaving in and out helplessly and pushing herself up and down on the bed as she clung to Conrad’s slender frame.

“ _ Yes...yes, Conrad...so good.. _ .” Vivvy panted as he slowed above her, brushing a kiss to the corner of her open mouth and waiting for reality to piece itself back together for Vivvy before catching her stormy blue eyes.

“I can pull out now.” Conrad suggested, lengthy fingers dancing through her damp hair. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, Viv.”

Considering for a moment, Vivvy shook her head. “No, I...I want you to finish. Inside of me.” She nodded, biting her lip.

“Alright, beautiful.” Conrad swept down to kiss her, taking Vivvy’s face in both of his hands, his body undulating rapidly until his lips grew uncoordinated.

“Fuck…. _ fuck _ , Viv, you feel so good…” Conrad breathed into her open mouth, eyes clenched and foreheads together as he dug his toes into the sheets. Conrad’s moans became vulnerable and high, like a man begging, and Vivvy thought she never heard a more wonderful sound as his arms slithered underneath her, cradling Vivvy close and burying his face in the crook of her neck. “ _ Oh Vivvy! Viv! Yeah! Fuck! You’re gonna make me cum! Yeah! Fuck! FUCK!”  _ With a noise that started somewhere near a grunt and ascended into a heart wrenching whine, Conrad froze inside of her before his pelvis jumped forward, filling Vivvy with hot cum as he breathed a warm, wet spot into her neck and repeated her name.

Chest heaving, Conrad stayed inside and Vivvy enveloped him in her long limbs, cocoon-like as she rocked them back and forth, smile boundless and emitting a sound of contentment as Conrad touched sloppy kisses to her neck with his slivered lips.

Eventually unraveling themselves, Conrad’s ginger head lay on the pillow beside her and Vivvy traced his features, his essence leaking out of her onto the sheets while Conrad rubbed the small of her back.

“So…” Smile blooming, Conrad ticked up an eyebrow. “Good birthday?”

Grinning, Vivvy lifted his arm, tucking herself underneath and tossing her leg across Conrad’s waist, which he appreciatively caressed. “The best.”


	6. 6

Floor to ceiling windows flooding the apartment with fresh morning light, Vivvy blinked herself awake and was disoriented by the lush surroundings until Conrad’s lanky arms encircled her with a deep chuckle of contentment.

“Mmm...well, good morning, Miss Vivvy.”

Giggling, Vivvy craned her neck back and caught his thin lips, scrunching her fingers through his sleep-mussed orange hair. “Good morning.” Conrad scooted closer to her, his persistent erection nudging the crack of her ass and Vivvy’s dark eyebrows shot up. “Oh...a _very_ good morning, indeed.”

Laughing, Conrad cupped her sharp jaw, meeting Vivvy’s mouth and slowly shifting on top of her as she spread her shapely legs beneath him. Vivvy broke away, smiling and tracing her thumb over his faint ginger eyebrow. “What time is it?”

“Um…” Conrad narrowed his sea blue eyes at the alarm clock on the bedside stand, lips pursed. “Almost eight.”

Gasping, Vivvy shot up and bounced Conrad off of her. “Shoot! I need to be at the restaurant by nine I…” Turning to Conrad’s prone form, she bit her lip. “I wasn’t planning on staying here when you picked me up last night, I suppose…”

“Well, I’m glad you did.” Conrad squeezed her arm with a grin. “No problem.” Tossing back the sheet, he shook his head. “I’ll drive you home and you can get ready, then I’ll drop you off. You should make it in time.”

“Wait…” Vivvy grabbed his freckled fingers, eyeing Conrad’s cock where it hung heavy beneath his navel and looking up at him through her eyelashes. “I can’t just leave you like that…”

Chuckling, Conrad squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Viv. Really. I don’t want to make you late.”

“Well, then…” Hooking a hand around the back of his neck, Vivvy dragged him toward her mouth. “We better make this fast.”

Vivvy licked her palm, encircling Conrad’s substantial cock as their lips linked, jerking vigorously. Humming, Conrad nodded insistently, inching closer to her and kneading the flesh of Vivvy’s little ass. “You want me to do you, too?” Conrad murmured as she parted from their kiss.

“Yes.” Vivvy breathed, Conrad peeling down her panties enough to expose her, wetting his hand before encasing her hard cock with his agile fingers.

“Here.” Conrad suggested, taking Vivvy by the hip and hauling himself on top of her. “Like this.” He shuffled them together until their cocks were aligned, his large hand enveloping one side as he encouraged Vivvy to take the other. Fingers fused, Conrad began thrusting, joining Vivvy’s lips as their arms frantically worked between them.

“How’s that?” Conrad whispered, dipping in to nip at the spot below Vivvy’s ear as he drove his hips forward, their wrists flashing in unison.

Nodding urgently, Vivvy dug her heels into the mattress and bore into the tight circle of their combined palms, fluttering whimpers trickling from her pink lips. “ _Yes! Oh Conrad, so good! Yes!”_

“Fuck, Viv...you’re so sexy... _Fuck! Yes!”_ Humping wildly, they yanked themselves and Vivvy’s free hand scraped over Conrad’s back as her neck arched and her eyelids twitched. 

“ _Oh Conrad! Conrad, yes! I’m close! Yes! Conrad!_ ” Sculpted jaw agape and legs swimming over the sheets, the gaps between her breathy moans disappeared and Vivvy folded forward, tensing and silent before her limbs sprang apart, cum splattering over her belly and chest.

A resounding groan roiling in his chest, Conrad pumped hurriedly, tumbling over the cliff not long after, his essence mixing with Vivvy’s as he collapsed limp above her, sweaty and sated.

Desperately wishing she could spend her day in his large comfortable bed clinging to Conrad’s tall, skinny frame, Vivvy sighed and faced reality, taking him up on his offer of a quick wash in what turned out to be an absolutely stunning marble lined shower before Conrad hastily zipped her back into her lavender dress and drove her home.

“I feel a bit awkward asking this now…” Conrad chuckled as he made a left turn. “But...what’s your last name?”

“Oh!” Vivvy laughed, hand to her chest. “Van Kimpton. I guess I never mentioned it, did I?”

Blinking, Conrad turned to her as he rolled to a stop at a red light. “Not...not the Hampton Van Kimpton’s?”

Countenance darkening, Vivvy looked out the window and swallowed. “Yes…”

“Wow.” Shaking his head as he accelerated, Conrad patted the steering wheel. “You are truly an impressive woman, Vivvy.”

Used to people being agog at her family name, Vivvy felt a vague nausea. “Yes, well...it’s not as if I’m close with them anymore or anything, so…”

“Exactly.” Conrad nodded, lifting his ginger eyebrows. “You gave all that up to be the real you. I…” Sighing, Conrad tipped his head. “I think...I think I would’ve been too much of a coward. I really admire that, Vivvy.”

Silent for a moment, Vivvy reached over to touch Conrad’s arm. “Thank you…” She whispered softly, before turning her attention to the passing city streets as they continued the drive to her apartment.

“Alright, should I just wait here and you can change?” Conrad parked in front of Vivvy’s building.

Fingers on the door handle, Vivvy paused. “Oh, um…” Swallowing, she shifted her eyes away. “You don’t have to. I’ll just take the subway...it’s fine…”

“But…” Conrad glanced at the dashboard clock and furrowed his brow. “Viv, if I don’t drive you, you’re going to be late. Really, it’s no trouble. My first meeting isn’t until 10:30.”

Vivvy chewed on her lip, gaze falling to her lap. “Conrad, I...you know I can’t...dress this way for work, and, um…” Shaking her head slowly, when she lifted her face to meet his, Vivvy’s cobalt eyes were pleading. “I don’t want you to see me like that.”

“Oh.” Leaning in, Conrad caressed her cheek. “You know, Viv…” His crystalline blue eyes tried to catch hers, but Vivvy sank into herself, broad shoulders curling forward and lips folding under. “That wouldn’t change how I feel about you. You’re a beautiful, amazing woman no matter what. I know…” Thumb polishing her cheekbone, Conrad’s voice was low. “I know you just have to do that for them. That’s not who you are.”

But Vivvy merely shook her head, blinking rapidly and avoiding Conrad’s gaze. “Alright...alright…” Conrad replied gently, allowing his fingertips to ghost over her face. “Would you let me give you some money for a cab, at least? I would hate for you to get in trouble on my account.”

A hot tear snuck out to trickle down Vivvy’s cheek and she wiped it away quickly, its presence mocking. “You…” Vivvy fought to keep her voice steady. She failed. “You don’t have to do that.”

Unearthing his wallet from his jacket, Conrad pressed a bill into her palm and closed Vivvy’s fingers over it. “I insist. Please.” Leaning over the center console, he touched a kiss to Vivvy’s cheek. “I hope you have a good day at work, alright, Viv?”

With a watery chuckle, Vivvy shook her head. “Thank you.” Dabbing her eyes, she took Conrad’s hand. “I’m sorry. We had such a wonderful night together and here I am crying. I don’t want you to think I didn’t enjoy myself.”

A warm smile blossomed on Conrad's face. “No need to apologize, Viv. I get it. Well…” Tipping his head back and forth, Conrad rolled his eyes. “No. Of course I don’t. And I never really will know what it’s like for you. I just meant you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Grinning, Vivvy claimed his mouth for one last passionate kiss before admitting she needed to step out of his car and onto the unforgiving sidewalk. All through the cab ride, the stacks of endless dishes, and her pleasant stroll home through the crisp June evening, Vivvy reflected on her night with Conrad, deeming it easily her greatest birthday and trying not to let her mind wonder if he would be around to celebrate any others.

***

“Girl, I can’t believe I just _let_ you have him! I can’t believe it! Damn it! _Damn it!_ ” Trixie pounded her fist on the table and Vivvy giggled. Perhaps it was a bit unfair of her, but after three months of dating, she couldn’t stop gushing about Conrad and the other ladies were insanely jealous. Internally Vivvy enjoyed their envious stares when she arrived at the Balls in a fancy dress with a designer label, or when she casually mentioned Conrad’s plans to take her out for the weekend. But Vivvy did what she could not to rub it in too much.

Their summer together was a whirlwind of bliss. Within a month she was spending practically every evening in Conrad’s luxurious apartment, rushing to and fro from the restaurant, until one night in mid-August, awash in the afterglow of their passion and coming down in Conrad’s arms, he studied Vivvy’s broken, water ravaged hands.

“Viv, darling, would you…” Freckled fingers tracing over the cracks, the minuscule cuts that never seemed to heal, Conrad frowned. “Would you let me take care of you?”

Snuggling up next to him, Vivvy sighed contentedly. “You do take care of me, Conrad. In fact, I think you just did rather sufficiently…” Making her expressive eyebrows dance, Vivvy pinched his waist and Conrad chuckled.

“No, Viv, I mean…” Conrad’s light blue eyes pierced her, combing through Vivvy’s chestnut waves. “Take care of you here. With me. So you don’t…” Holding her hand, Conrad brought it to his lips. “So you don’t have to work that awful job anymore.”

Vivvy blinked at him in silence. Pushing her palms into the mattress, she sat at the head of the bed, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around herself. Conrad examined her, sighing heavily and hanging his head. “Shit…” Joining her, he rested his forearms on his knees for a moment before scratching through his buoyant orange hair. “Too soon. I knew it was too soon. I’m sorry, Viv, I...just forget I said anything. You probably like being on your own and I just waltz in and--”

Vivvy’s hand closed over his long fingers. Conrad turned and Vivvy’s head was tucked down. Slowly Vivvy faced him, one sapphire eye peeking out above her shoulder, her voice high and shattered as her lip quivered. “You...you would do that for me?” Blinking, she interlaced their fingers. “You want me here? Truly?”

Conrad shuffled closer to her on the bed, encasing the ball of Vivvy’s body in his skinny arms and planting a kiss to the top of her head. “Of course I do, dear.” Conrad smiled. Squeezing her, Conrad buried his face in next to Vivvy’s. They formed a warm cocoon, dark and comforting as Vivvy listened to his breathing and inhaled his scent.

“I’m in love with you, Vivvy.” Whispering into the cave of their bodies, Conrad, if possible, drew her in closer.

Vivvy found his lips, discovered they were as salty as her own and unraveled her arms from herself, only to absorb Conrad in her lengthy limbs. “I love you too, Conrad.”

Falling into one another again, the next day Vivvy’s manners prevented her from leaving the restaurant without notice, but she did give away the majority of her shifts to anyone who would take them as she moved her meager belongings into Conrad’s Uptown apartment. Vivvy put up a flyer at next week’s Ball letting people know her furniture was free for anyone who might need it, and soon found herself surrounded by the familiar trappings of wealth that adorned her childhood.

A lady of leisure, it wasn’t long before Vivvy discovered Conrad wasn’t kidding when he said he spent the majority of his time working. If he wasn’t at the office, he poured over paperwork at his desk, wearing thick rimmed reading glasses over which he was unnecessarily self conscious, complaining that they made him feel older than he already was, but Vivvy found them incredibly sexy. 

Conrad also devoted a great deal of time negotiating on the phone. On one such occasion, having returned from a day of shopping, during which the saleswomen were almost invariably rude to her, but Vivvy didn’t like to bother Conrad with those details when he was being so generous, Vivvy emerged from their room in a new set of magenta lace lingerie complete with thigh high stockings.

“Yes...the McKinley report...yes, I expect that done by Fri...day…” Spotting Vivvy coming around the corner, posing alluringly and pouting at him, Conrad’s words trailed off and he swallowed. “I’m sorry, what was that? Right. Yes…”

Approaching, Vivvy narrowed her eyes, hanging herself seductively over the leather chaise longue, hands gliding down her body, flipping upside down to twirl her legs in the air, and giggling when Conrad smirked at her, shaking his head as he continued. “No...42%...I need it completed before the first. Yes, ask Parsons....No…”

Going to her hands and knees, Vivvy crawled to him across the wood floor, deep blue eyes alight with mischief and tongue to her teeth as she shimmied up to Conrad, fingers tiptoeing up his long legs to unzip his slacks.

“Yes...no...there’s the, um...the...the interest rate on that figure…” Breath catching, Conrad’s eyes fell closed as Vivvy took him into her mouth soft, sucking hard and fast and dirty, hands snatching the back of his rolling chair and dragging him closer.

“ _Yes…”_ Conrad exhaled, fingers fisting in her dark hair. Then Conrad blinked, straightening up a little. “I mean, no Travers. I...I’m going to have to call you back...Okay...yes...goodbye…” Slamming the phone down, both of Conrad’s large palms grasped Vivvy’s head and his body rolled with an unholy groan. “Oh _fuck_ , Vivvy you…” Weak chuckle issuing from his thin lips, Conrad rotated into the warmth of her throat as Vivvy eagerly bobbed. “You nearly cost me I don't even know how much money, but…” Neck arching and heels twisting in the floor, Conrad’s nose flared and he bit his lip. “Damned if I care…”

Sinking the hot circle of her mouth down to his root, Vivvy undulated the muscles of her throat, moaning around him and fondling his balls between her talented fingers. Conrad enjoyed it when she tugged on them a little and Vivvy adored the sound it provoked in him, a feathery grunt, its eroticism almost painful in how it zapped to the depths of her loins and tempted Vivvy to touch herself whenever she used her mouth on him.

“ _Oh Viv! Yes! Don’t stop, darling! So good!_ ” Conrad losing control was perhaps Vivvy’s favorite event. The way his freckled fingers would shove her scalp down, his turgid cock slamming into her throat while he helplessly humped. The way she would get a mere peek at his face, distorted into something resembling anguish, eyes squinched and even teeth bared as his pale skin flushed a violent shade of pink. But more than anything, the way he sounded. High, vulnerable, whining, Conrad begged her to suck him, to keep going, never to stop, and Vivvy gladly agreed, gobbling his cock feverishly until his muscles flexed and pulse after pulse of salty cum painted the back of her throat, Conrad whispering her name repeatedly until he melted back into his chair.

Daintily wiping the corners of her mouth and eyes with one finger, Vivvy popped up with a smile, putting a weary Conrad back into his pants before perching on his lap and combing her fingers through his tangerine tresses.

“Sorry to bother you while you’re working.” Vivvy drawled in a tone that wasn’t the least bit apologetic and Conrad gave a huffing chuckle, patting her tiny ass.

“Oh my precious Vivvy,” He grinned, tipping his sharp chin up to capture her pink lips. “Never apologize for _that_.”

Though Vivvy missed Conrad while he was away at the office, his spacious apartment allowed her to practice her dancing with ease. Previously it seemed Vivvy constantly banged a toe on a wall or knocked an elbow into a lamp at her old place, so to be able to twirl with abandon was a delight.

As Vivvy attended the advanced student’s class, Laura gently encouraged her to be herself, telling Vivvy that if someone said or did anything in that space which was unkind, they would be dismissed without question. Vivvy couldn’t express to her how valuable that safety was, the freedom to wear tights and flowing skirts, red lips brazenly on display for all to see, was more than she ever dared dream as she spun about the studio, curly hair down to her ears and exhilarated among the throng of whirling bodies.

After months of practicing their steps, it came time for the first showcase. Vivvy wrestled within herself. She knew there would be a paying audience. Knew many of those in attendance would clock her immediately, might even shout cruelties from the seats as Vivvy performed. 

Expressing her concerns to Conrad, he sat with her on the suede couch, holding Vivvy’s hand. “Viv, I’ll be there to support you. And no matter what you want to wear while you dance, it won’t change who you are.” Threading an errant dark tendril behind her ear, he smiled. Vivvy knew Conrad was taking time off to come see the show, and even though he didn’t say so, she suspected it meant pushing back an important meeting or two and if possible, it made her love him even more. “But Viv? If wearing something like this…” Conrad plucked at the hem of her skirt. “Out there will make you even a tiny bit happier. I say go for it. And if anyone watching has a problem with it…” His slender lips spread into a wide grin. “Fuck ‘em.”

Beaming, Vivvy bobbed her head. When the day came, she took his advice, and though she heard some whispers among the crowd when she emerged from the wings, Vivvy soon lost herself in the music, the movement, and by the end she was unaware of the hundreds of eyes staring, oblivious to whatever their thoughts may be. There was nothing but Vivvy, the steps, and the stage as the notes faded and the applause rose.

“Great work, Vivvy.” Laura squeezed her arm with a smile and Vivvy nodded.

“Thank you.” Toweling off her chest, Vivvy changed into her street shoes. “And thanks again for accepting me into the class. I truly love it.” She’d probably expressed her gratitude to Laura a hundred times, but Vivvy wanted to be sure she knew how much being included meant.

Nodding, Laura patted her shoulder. “Of course, Vivvy. I’ll see you in class next week.” 

Zipping up her jacket, Vivvy walked into the auditorium and found Conrad waiting for her, a dozen red roses under his arm and a wide smile on his face.

“Oh Vivvy.” Lassoing her in, Conrad squeezed Vivvy close, not caring about the sweat as he brushed a kiss to her pink cheek. “I am so proud of you, dear. You were lovely. Just lovely.”

Vivvy grinned, caressing his face before accepting the flowers and inhaling deeply. “Thank you, Conrad. These are beautiful.” Arm about her waist, Conrad led her out to the car and took Vivvy home.

As their time progressed, Vivvy discovered various idiosyncrasies of Conrad’s that made her adoration for him deepen. A generally health conscious man, Vivvy would sometimes catch him in the late hours of the night, standing in the kitchen on one foot, ravenously munching on cheese popcorn. When she turned on the light his face would assume the expression of a woodland creature caught before a hunter, cheeks full and eyes wide, crunching down hesitantly as he hopelessly tried to hide the bag behind his narrow frame while Vivvy giggled.

Vivvy also got a taste of his musical abilities. Drifting off one afternoon with Kurt Vonnegut’s _Mother Night_ flopped open on her chest, Vivvy woke to the gentle plucking of a guitar and looked around to find Conrad seated on the coffee table. He launched into Elvis’ _Can’t Help Falling In Love,_ and though he sang a touch higher, Vivvy was amazed that his voice, normally reedy and almost nasal, could be so pretty as it crept over the romantic lyrics. Eyes on his dancing fingers, Conrad didn’t glance up at her, and seeing his jaw clench, muscle along its crisp line flickering as he swallowed in between words, Vivvy wondered if it was because he needed to watch for the sake of completing the chords or if he, too, was overcome with emotion like herself as the song drew to a close.

Clearing his throat, Conrad picked up the guitar before bending down to kiss her forehead. “Sorry to wake you, darling.” Conrad padded back to his office to replace the instrument, but didn’t make it halfway across the floor before Vivvy, eyes wet and hands outstretched, mauled him.

Sometimes Conrad seemed eerily perfect to the point it was unnerving, Vivvy disbelieving she deserved this level of kindness and devotion from a man she loved dearly. As far as she could tell, his only fault was that he wouldn’t accompany her to the Balls. And in reality, she couldn’t blame him for that. When Vivvy asked, Conrad explained that he wouldn’t feel comfortable, that it wasn’t a place meant for him, and though Vivvy was proud of him and desired to show him off among her friends, she knew there was more than a little truth in what he said. Conrad may be queer, but he was still a white, older, rich man. Balls were created as a haven for those who had nowhere else to go. Doors opened for Conrad with every step he took, and Vivvy supposed she should be glad he recognized that in himself.

So, sipping her cosmopolitan with the ladies, Vivvy tried not to wedge Conrad into the conversation overmuch, knowing how tacky and annoying that could be as the night progressed. There were a handful of unique categories and, had Joliet not been drunk before it was her turn to walk, Vivvy thought she might’ve actually won the Snow Queen trophy, but as it was Joliet was too busy heaving her guts out in the bathroom when it came to her turn, and Vivvy eyed her with concern as she stumbled back to the table, reassuring everyone assembled she would be fine.

Awards dispersed and judges floating away, the music revved up and Vivvy was considering getting another cocktail when a voice piped up at her shoulder.

“Hey Vivvy.”

Turning she saw Trent, signature leather jacket shoved up to his forearms and hair slicked back with a smile.

“Oh hello, Trent.” Vivvy grinned, sliding out of the booth. “How are you doing?”

Trent nodded. “Pretty good, pretty good. So…” Glancing over the floor, his attention returned to Vivvy’s face and he raised an eyebrow. “You wanna dance?”

“Yes!” It became somewhat of a tradition for the two of them to take at least one spin around the floor each Saturday. A few weeks after their initial introduction, Vivvy observed Trent walking one of the few butch categories and she was blown away. The man could move, and it was clear he loved dancing possibly as much as she did. Starved for a platonic partner on the floor, Vivvy asked Trent if he wouldn’t mind taking the lead and he gladly accepted, his smiling soft face politely asking each time.

Vivvy draped her arms around his shoulders while Trent’s remained primly high on her waist, swiveling in time to the music and breaking apart every so often to toss out a few impressive steps as they both relished the opportunity to show off.

“So Viv…” Trent breathlessly asked when they came back together. “This Conrad guy you’re with…” Narrowing his gaze, Trent’s expression grew serious. “Is he treating you right?”

Chuckling, Vivvy closed her eyes and nodded. “Yes. Yes, Trent he is.”

“Yeah?” Trent raised a suspicious eyebrow. “He’s not...hurting you or making you do anything you don’t wanna do, nothing like that?”

Vivvy shook her head. “No. No, Conrad is very good to me.” Cupping Trent’s face, Vivvy gave his cheek a quick peck. “That’s sweet that you worry, though. Thank you.”

Trent stiffened beneath her, his green eyes darting as he hastily nodded. “Um...you’re welcome. No problem.”

Trying not to giggle, Vivvy noticed before Trent got flustered at any attention from women, and she figured he probably didn’t have a great deal of experience and didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by pointing it out.

Song ending, Trent walked her back to the table of ladies and pointed at her empty cup. “Want me to buy you another, Viv?”

“No, thank you, I’m alright.” Vivvy smiled. She had to admit it was refreshing to have someone offer to buy her a drink for a change. Ever since she moved in with Conrad, Vivvy would on occasion use her allowance to purchase a round for the girls, and sometimes after a few too many they assumed she was made of money and got a little caught up in prodding her for more.

But Vivvy did try to spread her good fortune around. She contributed a portion of what Conrad gave her every week to the community fund at the Balls. As Conrad showered her with elegant garments and lingerie, Vivvy donated her older pieces to any woman who could use them. And in early December when Joliet, drunk and running in heels, went flying on the ice and fractured her ankle, Vivvy came to a difficult decision.

After receiving the hospital bill, it was clear the total would bankrupt Joliet and force her onto the frigid New York streets. Vivvy sat silently while Joliet wept about it one Saturday night, trying to joke through her tears as was her nature. “There aren’t enough dicks in this city to suck that’ll pay for this damn thing.” Giving a watery chuckle, Joliet shook the paper before cramming it back in her purse. 

The following Monday after Conrad went to work, Vivvy contemplated the necklace for a long time. It was a six month anniversary present, sapphires and silver, and Vivvy loved it, loved the way it draped over her neck and made her feel pretty, loved the memory of Conrad’s expectant face as he waited for her to unwrap it and how happy he was when she burst into joyous tears, loved that it signified their time together and promised more to come.

But when it came right down to it, Vivvy knew it was just a piece of jewelry, and she loved Joliet more than any inanimate object. So she tucked it into her purse and, finding the best price she could between three different shops, pawned it, cash in hand before catching a cab to Joliet’s apartment.

Vivvy knocked three times before Joliet answered. At first she thought it might be because the hobbling slowed Joliet’s progress to the door, but when unfocused eyes and slurring words greeted her, Vivvy understood.

“Hey Viv…” Joliet held onto the wall as she hopped to the dining room table, face hanging and propping up her foot on a chair.

Clearing her throat, Vivvy glanced around. The apartment was disorderly compared to when they lived together. Joliet’s clothes, which Vivvy knew she valued deeply, thrown about haphazardly and she spotted an open tube of lipstick rolled under the kitchen counter.

“Hey Jols, so…” Vivvy began, chewing her lip. “I...I know you’re having trouble. With that...with the hospital bill, and all, and I, um…” Unsure how Joliet would react, particularly in her inebriated state, Vivvy tried to choose her words carefully. “Well, I want to help you.”

Joliet chuckled. “What’re you gonna do, carry me around, Viv?”

Giving a half smile, Vivvy tipped her head back and forth. “No, um...well, I…” Folding her hands over her crossed knees, Vivvy inhaled sharply. “I’m willing to give you the money for it, Joliet…” Her eyes snapped up to look at Vivvy, clearer than she would’ve expected. “But on one condition…” Extending her arm, Vivvy took Joliet’s hand. “Honey, I...I think you need to get some help for your drinking.”

Nose flaring, a fire rose behind Joliet’s cerulean gaze and for a moment Vivvy was afraid of her, but then Joliet’s small chin dropped and she folded her lips under. “Yeah…” Nodding slowly, she swallowed. “Yeah, you’re...you’re right. And you’re not the first person to say so…” Tossing back her hair, Joliet glanced at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “And, um…” Voice tremulous, she shifted her jaw to the side. “I’ve thought about...about going to those meetings and all. Even looked up the nearest one once. I’m just...scared. To go alone…” Eyes falling to her lap, Joliet shrugged.

“I’ll go with you if you want.” Vivvy smiled, standing and going to Joliet to envelop her in a warm hug. 

Crying, Joliet’s thin arms clung to her desperately. “Thank you, Viv.” 

Debt paid, Vivvy accompanied her to the first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting at a small church nearby. It was...awkward, to say the least. The praying made Vivvy deeply uncomfortable, bringing her back to all those awful mornings spent hating herself within the so-called holy walls back home. And she and Joliet garnered more than a few curious looks from the other attendees. But if that’s what it took to keep Joliet sober and healthy, Vivvy resolved herself to enduring the ordeal.

Thankfully the following Saturday, after Joliet neglected a drink and explained her newfound teetotaling to Trixie, she explained that there were a handful of those within their own community who, whether it be alcohol or drugs, came together to support one another in avoiding the temptation of their vices. Burden off of Vivvy she breathed a sigh of relief, though continued to check in on Joliet’s progress and encourage her, often choosing to go without herself on Saturday nights if it would help her friend in her struggle.

Adorning a royal blue dress, Vivvy attached her grandmother’s earrings and clicked out to the livingroom to find Conrad looking debonair in a trim cut navy suit. “Gorgeous.” He exclaimed, taking her by the waist and kissing her cheek. “Hey, why don’t you go get your necklace? It’ll look nice with that, I think.”

Vivvy froze. “Oh, um…” Eyes sliding away, she swallowed heavily. “I don’t...I don’t think this dress really needs it…”

“Aw, come on…” Conrad gave her ass an admiring pat. “I know we’re just going to Reggie’s, but it’s fun to get all dolled up, isn’t it?” Adjusting his tie, he made his orange eyebrows dance and wiggled his shoulders.

Chuckling weakly, Vivvy tried not to fidget. “Well, actually, I…” Looking into his earnest face, a war waged within her as Vivvy hated to lie to this beautiful, kind man. “I haven’t wanted to tell you, but I...lost it. I’m so sorry, Conrad.” Hanging her head, a hot wave of shame descended on Vivvy as he stepped closer, rubbing her arm.

“Oh no, do you have any idea where? I can put a notice in the paper. I doubt anyone would turn something like that in, but it’s worth a shot.”

Balling her hands into fists, Vivvy shook her head and pressure gathered behind her eyes. “I’m sorry, that’s...that’s not true…” Explaining about Joliet’s ankle and her financial woes, Vivvy apologized profusely for her deception, rivulets streaming down her cheeks.

Conrad nodded slowly. Then he leaned in, balancing their foreheads together and taking Vivvy by the hips. “I wish you would’ve told me, Viv…” Voice gentle, he lifted a hand to wipe away her tears. “That’s sweet that you wanted to help your friend. But I wanted you to have the necklace.” Eyes overflowing anew, Vivvy covered her mouth. “I would’ve given you the money if you asked me.”

“I’m sorry.” Weeping into his jacket, Vivvy smeared it with her makeup and Conrad petted through her curls. “I didn’t think...that’s...I wouldn’t want to ask you to do something like that…”

Lips touching her forehead, Conrad squeezed her tight. “I’d be happy to, Viv. If something like that ever comes up again, you let me know, okay? Now…” Cupping her sculpted jaw, he lifted Vivvy’s red-rimmed eyes to face him. “Where did you take the necklace?”

“Oh…” Shaking her head, Vivvy placed a hand to his chest. “I can’t let you buy it again, Conrad. Truly. It’s alright. I can live without it.”

Turning the corners of his lips down in appraisal, Conrad tipped his head from side to side. “Yeah, maybe. But you don’t have to.” Smiling, he took her hand. “Come on.”

With a watery grin Vivvy directed him to the pawn shop. Bell tinkling overhead, the same burly man who purchased the necklace from her lounged behind the counter, halfway through a steak and cheese sandwich as he eyed their fancy garments. “Can I help you folks?”

“Yes, I understand my girlfriend here sold you a necklace some time ago? Silver, with sapphires, do you still have it?” Conrad asked congenially, hands in his pockets.

Wiping his stained fingers on his shirt, the man nodded. “Yup.” Hoisting the necklace from a glass case, it sat on a dusty velvet cushion. “There ya go.” 

Peeking at the tiny white tag, Vivvy noticed it was priced almost twice as high as what she received, and cupped her hand over Conrad’s ear to tell him so.

Pursing his lips, Conrad furrowed his brow. “My lovely lady here tells me you only gave her a fraction of what you’re charging for that necklace now.”

“And?” Staring at Conrad with a blank look, the man held up a meaty palm.

Conrad offered a casual shrug. “And I’d prefer to pay the amount you gave her.”

“Buddy…” The owner made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a chuckle. “This is a pawn shop, not a bank deposit box. My store, my rules.”

“Hmm…” Sticking out his lower lip, Conrad nodded, peering around and rocking back and forth on his heels. “And those rules…” Body stilling, his light blue eyes turned to chips of ice, narrowing as his voice sank. “Do they say you have the correct permits to be selling those guns over there?” Conrad carefully tipped his head toward the leftmost case, never breaking his stare from the man behind the counter.

Expression darkening, the owner sucked at his teeth and his nose flared. “Fine. You can have it for what she paid.”

“Great.” Tone and demeanor suddenly cheery again, Conrad retrieved his wallet, plunking down the money and snatching up the necklace. With a farewell salute that the man certainly found condescending, and perhaps he meant it to be, Conrad took Vivvy’s hand and led her back to the car, pausing to clasp the necklace around her and brush a kiss to her shoulder before opening the door.

“Well…” Fingers moving over the jewels as Conrad peeled away from the curb, Vivvy eyed him with a sigh. “Conrad, that was rather…” Swallowing, she pouted her lips. “Sexy.”

Laughing, Conrad lifted an eyebrow. “Really? You think so?”

“Mmhmm…” Slithering over to his side, Vivvy tucked his hair behind his ear with one hand, the other tiptoeing across his lithe thigh. “Watching you...negotiate. Very...enticing.”

A chuckle bubbled up from his chest as Vivvy cupped the bundle of his crotch. “Oh, you don’t say?” Conrad checked the rearview mirror, then glanced at the cross streets. “Maybe I should bring you into a board meeting sometime.”

“Mmm…” Vivvy palmed his thickening erection. “I think I’d like that very much.”

Seeing an empty parking lot, Conrad turned right. “Or I could drag you into my office, bend you over my desk…” 

Kissing his neck, Vivvy nodded insistently as she searched for the zipper of his slacks. “Yes… yes, please…”

Conrad parked, turning off the engine before he took Vivvy’s face in both hands and latched onto her pink lips with a groan of relief. “Fuck…let’s get in the backseat.” He gasped as her hand closed around his cock. Vivvy agreed and, trying to use his jacket to shield himself in case there were any passersby, Conrad ran around to open Vivvy’s door before taking two steps back to get the back door, which made Vivvy giggle as she slid inside and he crawled in after.

Hungrily pulling Vivvy over his lap and bunching her skirt at her waist, Conrad grabbed two handfuls of her ass and thrust against her with a growl. “Mmm... _fuck_ , Viv, you get me so damn hard.”

“Why, Mr. Bennett…” Vivvy ground down against him, lowering her lips before pulling away with a coy smile when his mouth sought hers. “You’re certainly in a mood tonight.”

Shoving her panties aside, Conrad hastily unearthed his cock. “Ugh, why…” He rested his head back in dismay. “Have I not thought to put lube in the car? I should know by now…” He trickled a hand down Vivvy’s carved thigh. “That I’m going to want to fuck you anywhere and everywhere.”

Giggling, Vivvy played with his orange hair and Conrad laid her back on the seat, wedging himself down as best he could considering they were both exceptionally tall before hoisting one of Vivvy’s legs over his shoulders and wrapping his lips around the tip of her cock.

“Oh...oh, Conrad...yes, my love…” Head pressing back into the window, as Conrad bobbed between her legs, Vivvy’s heel shook in the air, her breathy moans turning to shrieks as she pounded a fist into the back of the passenger seat.

“ _Yes! Conrad, yes! Just like that! Don’t stop, darling! Please! Please!_ ” Conrad paused to spit on his fingers, slathering them over her entrance before he ensconced Vivvy in his throat, jerking her shaft until she thrashed beneath him, high, beautiful pleas of desire echoing through the car’s cabin as he toyed with her and she throbbed over his tongue.

“ _Oh Conrad! Yes! I...I...I…_ ” Whites of her eyes all that was visible, Vivvy’s pink lips worked open and closed in silence as she tore at his ginger locks, her muscular legs quivering as she released into his warm, wet mouth with a tumbling, delicate whine. 

Conrad rising, red-faced and wiping his mouth, Vivvy’s need for him was ravenous and she replaced her panties, lowering her leg, before shoving him back into the seat and scrambling for Conrad’s cock and descending into his lap. 

“ _Oh Viv fuck!”_ Conrad gasped as she gobbled him to the root, moaning around his tender flesh and hoovering him mercilessly until Conrad gripped her mouth to his barreling cock, body folding around her as he rapidly pulsed.

“ _Fuck! Fuck, Viv, you’re gonna make me cum so hard! Yes! Fuck!”_ Loafers kicking over the floor, Conrad’s pelvis juddered forward, flooding Vivvy's throat with hot, salty cum as he groaned, swaying and crying out her name before he let Vivvy go and she emerged, makeup a disaster but smiling jubilantly.

Catching their breath, Conrad put himself away and Vivvy retrieved a handkerchief from her purse to dab at her eyes and lips.

“Maybe…” Conrad exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face. “Maybe we should just go home and order in.”

Giggling, Vivvy caught sight of herself in her compact and was immediately compelled to agree. “Sounds good.”

After that, what Vivvy privately dubbed the ‘Conrad Fund’ was born. She went to him only in dire situations. When a trick got rough with Rachel, breaking her nose and she couldn’t afford to fix it. When the leaders of Ballroom came up short on one month’s rent and they threatened to lose access to the factory. Each time it was a struggle for Vivvy to ask, and though Conrad assured her it wasn’t an issue, Vivvy’s guilt was difficult to assuage.


	7. 7

As Christmas approached, Conrad was able to take three whole days off and Vivvy rejoiced when he suggested they take a mini-vacation. Apparently there was a bed and breakfast in Vermont known for catering to those who lived in the queer community, and upon arriving it was surreal.

It was as if somehow Vivvy stepped into a world where the love she and Conrad shared never raised an eyebrow, never garnered an unkind word, as she saw others like themselves, but also pairings of every possible variety. Two elderly lesbians checking in with matching luggage. A gay couple sitting by the fireplace sipping warm drinks and chatting casually. Two people whose sex Vivvy couldn’t discern, and wouldn’t ever be rude enough to ask, but they looked extremely happy as they strolled hand in hand down the hall toward their room.

They spent the long weekend talking, laughing, and of course taking repeated advantage of the ‘bed’ and often sleeping through the ‘breakfast,’ and by the end Vivvy didn’t want to leave, wishing there was some way she could magically make the entire world this accepting and safe.

But of course, Conrad had to work, so they returned to the apartment, sloughing off their bags and collapsing in bed, Conrad wisely having the forethought to take the following morning off. December 27th, Vivvy decided she may as well take down their tree and dragged the step stool from the hall closet, Conrad padding after her from the bedroom in his pajamas, hands in his pockets.

“You should probably take down the star first, it’s a little fragile.” Conrad suggested.

A glass and golden angel creation bedecking the spruce, Vivvy nodded in agreement and unfolded the stool at the base. “Good idea.” Getting on the top step, Vivvy reached up to pluck the ornament away before she heard Conrad’s voice behind her.

“Hey Vivvy?”

Turning carefully, Conrad knelt before her at the bottom of the tree, small velvet box extended in his freckled hand. “So, I, um…” Voice wavering, his sky blue eyes blinked up at her and Vivvy couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. “I know it’s early, but...but I love you, and…” Tiny smirk spreading over his lips, Conrad lifted a shoulder. “I’m not getting any younger. And I don’t want to start another year without you as my wife. So…” Fighting to keep his tone steady, Conrad looked up at her expectantly. “Vivvy, will you marry me?”

Hand to her mouth, the other went to her chest. All Vivvy could do was nod as her tears overflowed, Conrad standing with a hesitant smile. “Is that a yes?”

“ _ Yes! _ ” The word exploded out of Vivvy as she threw her arms wide, angel ornament shattering as she hopped off the stool into Conrad’s arms, both of them tumbling to the ground with a resounding grunt, laughing and kissing and crying. Rolling on top of her, Conrad wiped his face and with a trembling hand slid the diamond onto her ring finger. 

Vivvy wiggled it, catching the light and smiling. “Oh Conrad, it’s beautiful! Thank you.”

“Thank you, Vivvy.” Conrad fused their lips together and Vivvy excitedly latched onto him, squealing with joy and shaking all of her limbs about.

“We’re getting MARRIED!” She shouted, pounding her hands and feet on the floor, her crooked, goofy grin boundless as she brushed back her curls in disbelief.

Laughing, Conrad kissed her nose. “Yes, darling. Whenever you want. However you want.”

Vivvy claimed his mouth, but had difficulty kissing him because her smile kept interrupting. Pushing himself up, Conrad held out a hand. “Come on, beautiful.” 

Skipping to the bedroom, they gleefully cast off their clothing, Conrad jumping back into the bed and pulling Vivvy in after. “Mmm…” Conrad’s hands glided up her sides and into Vivvy’s wavy chestnut hair. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life making love to you.”

Fingers ghosting over his stiffening cock, Vivvy pursed her lips and lifted a challenging eyebrow. “You don’t think you’ll get bored of me?”

Chuckling, Conrad flipped her down onto the mattress and she chirped in delight. “I have a feeling we’ll find ways to keep things interesting.” Linking their lips, Vivvy’s limbs closed around him like a venus fly trap, rolling back on top and spreading her legs over his hips. Vivvy ground herself down onto his burgeoning erection, hands on his chest and Conrad licked his lips lasciviously.

“Mmm...are you going to ride me, Miss Vivvy?”

Swirling her hips, Vivvy tilted her head, cobalt eyes lust laden as she stared down at him. “Is that what my future husband wants?” Bending forward, a wide smile spread over her face as she giggled. “I wouldn’t want to neglect my wifely duties.”

Chuckling, Conrad lifted a wide palm in the air and cracked it over her tiny ass cheek, Vivvy squeaking in surprise. “Climb on then, darling.” 

With a sultry shimmy Vivvy pouted her pink lips and reached into the bedside drawer for the lube, smearing it over Conrad’s persistent erection and her entrance before holding herself above him. Biting her lip, her dark eyebrows shot up tantalizingly as she sank down onto his long cock, her elegant neck extending as she emitted a soft sigh.

“Oh fuck, Vivvy,  _ yes… _ ” Conrad hissed, eyes closing and fingers digging into her hips. Bouncing, the muscles in Vivvy’s shapely legs flexed as she drove herself down, Conrad taking her cock in hand and jerking in time with their movements as he thrust into her.

“Oh my goodness,  _ yes _ my love…” Head tossed back, Vivvy moaned as Conrad worked inside of her, rotating her pelvis feverishly, her eyelids fluttering every time the head of his cock tamped against her prostate,

Leaning, Vivvy rested her palms on his knees and planted her heels in the mattress, pistoning herself down onto his hammering cock, Conrad rattling shrieks out of her broad frame as she threatened to constrict around him.

“ _ Oh yes, Conrad! Yes! I love you! Don’t stop! Right there!” _ Left eye twitching, Vivvy lost her grip as ecstasy overtook her and she fell to her back, trembling. Conrad came to his knees, holding up her carved thigh and parting her legs as he pounded into her vigorously, his wrist flashing over her cock.

A drawn out wail breached Vivvy’s rounded teeth as her arms scrambled for purchase and her upper body pitched forward, cum spraying over her abdomen as she became a shivering, limp puddle. 

“I...I’m sorry…” Palm pushing at Conrad’s shoulder, she tried to pull away and he stilled, extricating himself and eyeing her with concern.

“Viv?” Combing back her damp curls, Conrad looked into her flushed face. “Are you okay?”

Nodding weakly, she patted his arm. “Yes, I...just...too much right now…”

“Oh.” Trying to ground his smirk, Conrad kissed her forehead and shuffled down beside her. The image of Vivvy lying there, pallid skin blotchy, taking slow, deep breaths through her pink lips, muscles in her elegant legs trembling and wavy hair splayed behind her, dewy and dark, was nothing short of ethereal, and Conrad tugged his sensitive cock as he watched her recover, her beauty simply overwhelming.

Eyes fluttering open, Vivvy saw Conrad’s hand and looked at him apologetically. “Oh, I can do that. Just give me a minute.”

Scooping her face close, Conrad shook his head. “That’s alright, dear. Just kiss me.” Weaving their mouths together, it wasn’t long before Conrad’s lips grew sloppy against hers, moaning as he yanked himself, cumming with Vivvy’s name on his thin lips.

Sticky and satisfied they curled together, Vivvy running her hand through his chest hair, amused by the way the tiny orange tendrils curled over the silver band of her engagement ring before floating off on dreams of years to come.

***

Though people often griped about the stress of wedding planning, for Vivvy it was a thrill and Conrad was more than happy to leave the arrangements in her capable hands. Initially when she suggested the first day of Spring for their nuptials, Vivvy thought it romantic and, since she had nearly endless free time, she figured it wouldn’t be a problem to bring things together.

But, ever wanting to please her, Conrad didn’t mention how the end of March also coincided with the end of the fiscal year, and as the date grew closer, his exhaustion became glaringly apparent. Vivvy suggested they postpone until May, at least, but Conrad assured her he could handle it, declaring he didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary to be her husband.

So Vivvy spent the evenings massaging his shoulders while he hunched over paperwork at his desk. Running hot baths and encouraging him to join her, even if only for twenty minutes to get Conrad to relax. But still, she could tell he was lagging, too tired some nights even to make love, which, though of course Vivvy would never pressure him, was simply out of character.

One of the most difficult tasks turned out to be finding a wedding dress. Like most women, Vivvy envisioned her perfect gown since she was a little girl, and when she strolled into a store on the Upper West Side, cash in hand, she was eager to search for it among the racks.

“Can I help you?” A middle aged saleswoman with a beaklike nose and eyebrows plucked into submission materialized at Vivvy’s shoulder, and Vivvy turned to her with a smile.

“Yes, I’m looking for an A-line lace gown, with sleeves, preferably ¾ length, and--”

“I’m sorry, we don’t have anything like that here.” Cutting her off, the woman folded her arms, botoxed eyes scanning Vivvy up and down and chin held high.

Blinking, Vivvy peered around the store at the hundreds, perhaps thousands of dresses. “Oh but...do you have something similar? Or perhaps know where I might fi--”

“There is no dress here for  _ you.” _ Tone flat and lips tight, the saleswoman stared her down and Vivvy deflated. Half of her wanted to scream, make a scene, tear one of their stupid dresses in half and run away. But Vivvy knew if she did anything of the sort they would call the police. And the things that happened to women like her in jail were a nightmare Vivvy wasn’t willing to face for the sake of one rude bigot. So she hitched her purse up, vast shoulders folding in on herself as Vivvy stepped out onto the sidewalk.

What with spending the majority of her time around Conrad and the Balls, Vivvy almost allowed herself to forget. She was different and the world didn’t take kindly. Inside her protective bubble Vivvy let herself believe things could change, but one minuscule interaction popped that fruitless fantasy, leaving her dejected.

After scouring vintage and thrift stores for a week and coming up empty, Vivvy explained her dilemma to the ladies over drinks at the Ball on Saturday, and when Rachel pulled her aside to make the suggestion in a low voice, Vivvy couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it earlier. The drag queens. Of course, with the sewing knowledge and eye for costuming some of them possessed, Vivvy could commission one of them to make an absolutely spectacular gown on her behalf.

The reason Rachel was secretive, however, was the undercurrent of animosity that constantly flowed between the queens and the transsexuals. It wasn’t a rule, per se. There were many friendly interactions. But generally, the transsexual women felt the queens used the extremes of femininity as a joke, and by making a living off of it, often for the entertainment of the straight public, this made the world at large think it was permissible to mock transsexuals. The queens, on the other hand, basically thought the transsexuals should lighten up, wanted to be allowed to play with gender however they saw fit, and often wouldn’t acknowledge that once they shed their costumes, life held far fewer challenges for them than it ever would for a transsexual woman.

Vivvy thought there was room for everyone and, provided they were kind and respectful, she marveled at the queens’ artistry. She was loose acquaintances with Lawrence, stage name Dee Vinity, and when she approached him about the task of constructing her dress, initially he seemed hesitant, mentioning he had half a dozen commissions from his fellow performers already, not including his own pieces he worked on in his spare time. Then Vivvy told him she could pay.

“Oh girl, why didn’t you say so! Everyone else, I’m sewing my fingers to the bone for pizza and cocktails half the time.” 

Vivvy laughed and the next day went over to his apartment to have her measurements taken. Inside was a veritable Mardi Gras of feathers, sequins, and shimmering fabrics, and though Vivvy dressed rather understated in her day to day life, she would be lying if she didn't say it was tempting to try on at least a few of Lawrence’s more elaborate pieces. Patiently going over every detail with her, Lawrence assured Vivvy he could have the gown completed in time for the wedding and she left the task to his practiced fingers.

Perhaps it was sappy, but Vivvy could think of no better place to declare her lifelong commitment to Conrad than the location of their first date, Reggie’s. When she suggested it, Conrad of course said Vivvy could hold the wedding wherever she liked, but he was surprised she chose somewhere that casual. But Vivvy thought it romantic, and anyway, they had so few guests it didn’t make sense to rent out a large hall or anything of the sort. When she asked Conrad if he would have a best man, or woman, to stand beside him on the big day he was silent for a while, staring off into space.

“You know…” Sitting back on the couch, Conrad crossed his long legs and rubbed his sharp chin. “There is one person. Maybe. Anders. He’s a junior associate. We ran into each other once at Julius’ and I think he was terrified, to be honest.” Conrad chuckled, fingers running through his fluffy orange hair. “Tried avoiding me around the office for a couple of weeks. Finally I cornered him after a meeting and told him that it wasn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t say anything if he didn’t, and ever since we…” Nodding slowly, Conrad blinked. “We’re kind of...friends. We’ll eat lunch sometimes. Mostly discuss business, but...he’s told me about his boyfriend. I’ve talked about you. It’s...nice.”

Vivvy grinned, squeezing Conrad’s thigh. “Oh that’s wonderful, honey. I think you should definitely invite him. And his boyfriend, if they would like to come.”

“Yeah?” Conrad looked at her and she nodded. “Good idea. I will. And…” Eyebrow ticking up, Conrad sighed. “I presume none of your family will be in attendance.”

With a sad chuckle, Vivvy shook her head. “Of course not. Yours?”

“Nope.” Conrad gave a half grin. “Don’t really talk to any of them.”

“Do they know?” Vivvy tilted her head. “About you, I mean?”

Sighing, Conrad leaned back and crossed his slender legs. “Well...I think I told you I used to be married, right?” When Vivvy nodded, he continued. “Well, my ex, Linda, you see, I...I’m not proud of it, but…” Tapping his finger on his knee, Conrad took a deep breath. “I didn’t treat her particularly well.” Vivvy found that difficult to believe, but didn’t want to interrupt him. “I was never home, neglected her. And she didn’t...well, we didn’t have any kind of sex life. Any life at all, really. So one day she came home and caught me in bed with the man we hired to fix the siding on the garage.” Conrad made a face, eyebrows shooting up his forehead.

Gasping, Vivvy narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. “ _ Naughty.” _

“Very.” Nodding, Conrad held up his hands in defeat. “It was wrong. But we both knew before that neither of us loved the other one anymore.” Conrad shrugged. “Maybe we never did, but, Linda, she…” Nose flaring, Conrad clenched his teeth and the muscle in his sharp jaw popped. “She’d gotten close with my mother while we were dating and so she...she told her.”

“Oh goodness.” Vivvy covered her mouth. “That’s...that’s awful.”

Nodding slowly, Conrad sighed. “Yeah, so...haven’t really spoken to her or...or anyone, really since then.”

“I’m sorry, Conrad.” Vivvy squeezed his hand consolingly.

Grinning, Conrad shrugged and interlaced their fingers. “That’s alright, darling. As far as I’m concerned, the only people who need to be there for it to be the happiest day of our lives are you and me.” 

As far as catering, decorations, music, and the cake went, Vivvy found everything and everyone she needed at the Balls. After he found out she was engaged, Trent gave Vivvy a hug, and when she said they were looking for someone to make the food, Trent informed her that not only did he work at the deli, but he loved to cook. 

Offering to make a sampling, Vivvy invited Trent to Conrad’s apartment so they could do a taste test. When Trent walked in, he nearly dropped the tray he was carrying. “Holy fucking  _ shit _ , Viv.” He whispered to her under his breath. “I mean...I knew your man was loaded but... _ Jeez… _ ”

Vivvy giggled, waving a hand dismissively as Trent shuffled in, mouth agape and wide eyed as Conrad introduced himself. Trent swallowed hard, shaking Conrad’s hand and looking like a frightened squirrel as he presented three choices: chicken parmesan, salmon roasted with lemon and dill, and steak frites.

As they ate, Trent nervously shifted his weight from side to side. “So, um...I...I had to take the subway, so...if..it...it might not have traveled all that well, but, um...hopefully it still tastes good…” Staring at the floor and rubbing his elbow with his opposite hand, Vivvy wanted to get up and hug him, but she thought that might only add to his nerves as they consumed his delectable fare.

“Well…” Conrad turned to Vivvy, lifting an eyebrow and she took his hand with a tiny nod. “Everything is delicious, Trent. You’re hired.”

Green eyes blinking in disbelief, Trent’s arms fell. “Seriously?”

“Of course.” Vivvy stood, beaming as she walked over to Trent to give his shoulder a squeeze. “You’re a talented cook. Truly.”

“And here.” Conrad extracted a bill from his wallet. “For the tasting fee. And your time today.” 

Trent gawped down at the twenty in his palm as though it might bite him and swallowed. “Th-thank you, sir.”

Conrad chuckled. “Please, call me Conrad.” Nodding silently, Trent carefully folded the money and tucked it into his pocket. Vivvy walked him to the door, ruffling her fingers through his sandy hair and kissing his cheek, Trent turning almost as pink as the lipstick she left behind.

“Good job. Can’t wait for you to help us on the big day.”

With a tittering smile, Trent nodded. “Thanks, Viv. Looking forward to it.”

Though his hours at the office didn’t abate, in the final week before the wedding Conrad seemed to hit a fresh stride. Of course they both knew they couldn’t be married legally, which pained them, but Conrad and Vivvy were determined not to let a meager thing like a license stop them from celebrating their love.

Waking up that morning, Vivvy couldn’t believe she slept. The night before her mind whirred with excitement, with worries about what might go wrong. Not with Conrad, but with the execution of the plans. Vivvy was tempted to shake him awake and talk each of her concerns to death, but eyes darting behind his lids, she couldn’t bring herself to deprive Conrad of the rest he justly deserved.

Slipping out of bed without disturbing him, Vivvy forewent coffee, knowing her nerves wouldn’t need it and she stepped out onto the balcony. It was early, the city just groaning awake, honks infrequent and voices hushed as the first commuters scuttled about 18 stories below. A crisp wind bellowed, blowing back Vivvy’s curls, colder than she might’ve imagined on her exposed legs and forcing her back inside with a shudder.

Vivvy made herself eat a banana and toast, and after half an hour of pointless pacing she couldn’t hold back any longer, jumping in the shower to begin the process of readying herself.

Applying her foundation, a bleary-eyed Conrad slogged up behind her with a chuckle. “Viv...it’s ten a.m. darling.”

Smiling sheepishly at her own reflection, Vivvy lifted a shoulder. “I know, but...I couldn’t wait.”

Conrad kissed her hair, shaking his head as he padded to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee. Vivvy stretched things out as much as she could, finishing her makeup and lounging about in her white lingerie, which inevitably tempted Conrad into messing it up, effectively killing some time as Vivvy washed her face and began again.

They agreed they would arrive at Reggie’s separately, as Vivvy wanted to maintain the tradition of Conrad not seeing her in the dress before the wedding, so she took the garment bag from their closet and hopped in a cab.

Joliet embossed Vivvy’s curls to perfection and put a few finishing touches on her makeup before she helped button Vivvy into her gown. “You look gorgeous, Viv.” Joliet cupped her crisp jaw with a smile.

“You really do, honey.” Rachel grinned, stepping into her pink bridesmaid’s dress and turning so Trixie could zip her up.

“Glad you let us pick cute dresses…” Turning, Joliet admired herself in the mirror. “Can hardly tell how much of a cow I’ve become in this thing.” Since she quit drinking Joliet gained weight and developed a bit of a complex about it. Vivvy thought she looked more stunning than ever, and was particularly jealous as the majority of it gravitated to Joliet’s breasts and backside, but Joliet couldn’t seem to hear the compliments and compensated by smoking twice as much.

“Alright…” Flipping her watch around on her wrist, Rachel ticked up her eyebrow. “You ready, Viv?”

“Yes.” Nodding eagerly, Vivvy gathered her skirt and the four of them hailed a cab, the driver obviously trying to look as though he weren’t shocked by them as his eyes drifted to the rearview mirror every minute or so. 

Rolling up to Reggie’s, for what must’ve been the thousandth time, Trixie sucked on her teeth in disbelief. “Damn, and I just  _ let _ you have him...damn.” It continued to make Vivvy laugh and she shook her head as Rachel helped her out of the car, cautious of keeping the train of her dress clean as they approached. The ladies went inside, wishing her good luck and leaving Vivvy standing alone, bouquet in hand.

Heart thrumming in her chest, Vivvy couldn’t see past her own reflection in the windows, but the knowledge that Conrad was waiting for her, watching her, caused her eyes to sting before she stepped through the door.

Vivvy’s brain distantly registered the sound of the violin playing, took in the glittering fairy lights draped over every available surface, her friends rising to their feet, beaming in her direction, but they faded away as her sapphire eyes fell on Conrad standing at the end of the aisle.

Tall and dashing in his black suit and pink tie, Conrad held his hands in front of himself, teeth clenched and jawline flickering, blinking rapidly as Vivvy floated toward him, her cheeks flooded by the time she reached him.

Vivvy was certain words were said, phrases of welcome, probably wonderful things, but she heard none of them as she gazed into Conrad’s sky blue eyes, holding promises and memories as he fought back tears and took in her elegant visage. When it came time for her vows, Vivvy passed the bouquet to Joliet, dipping into her bra to extract a small piece of paper.

“Um, well…” Voice thick, Vivvy dabbed at her eyes with her lace handkerchief. “Conrad, when we met, I couldn’t believe you were real. You were almost perfect, it was like a dream. Now…” Shaking her head, Vivvy gave a watery chuckle. “After all our time together, you’ve shown me that dreams come true. Conrad…” Taking his hand, Vivvy blinked fresh tears down her face. “You love me better than I ever imagined possible. You make me believe I deserve good things, and you always give them to me. I love you darling. And if this is a dream…” Vivvy squeezed Conrad’s fingers, smiling. “I hope I never wake up.”

No longer able to restrain his tears, Conrad interlaced their fingers momentarily before the officiant indicated it was his turn.

“Alright, Viv, well…” Taking his vows from his jacket, Conrad sniffed. “I’ve never been a man who’s great with words, but, here goes…” Clearing his throat, Conrad began. “Vivvy, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, but, um…” Voice tremulous, Conrad touched a pointed finger to the corner of his lip. “You’re so much more than that. You’re brilliant. And you always make me laugh. And no matter how bad a day is, you always make it worth going through. Vivvy, darling…” Cupping her cheek, Conrad smiled. “I’m so lucky I found you and that you came up to me that night. Every day I wonder what might’ve happened if I’d never gathered the courage to go talk to you myself, but…” Nodding, Conrad chuckled through his tears. “Thankfully I fell in love with a woman far braver than myself and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you how grateful I am. I love you, Vivvy.”

Suppressing a sob, Vivvy swiped the handkerchief over her face again and when they were finally pronounced man and wife, Conrad and Vivvy joined lips and lives, room cheering and clapping as their mouths met for a salty kiss.

Sipping champagne, Vivvy leaned into Conrad’s chest as Trent placed their meals before them. She noticed he appeared a bit harried, his soft face tight, and figured he was tense with the pressure of serving the assembled guests and made a mental note to praise him for his hard work before the night ended. 

Conrad introduced her to Anders and his partner, Silas, both short, almost ferrity men who looked around at the proceedings as though they were scientists assigned the task of evaluating a social situation. But they were friendly enough and Vivvy was glad Conrad wasn’t entirely alone as they cut the cake, mashing it gleefully into one another’s faces before everyone rose and helped move the tables aside.

When Vivvy asked Lawrence about a particular feature for her dress, she didn’t truly think it would be something he could accomplish. So to be able to whip off the outer layer, revealing a lace miniskirt that showed off her legs for the night’s dancing was thrilling as she took Conrad by the hand and led him to the center of the floor.

Freckled hands at her waist, Conrad’s eyes never left her face as they swirled and dipped, others eventually fluttering around them. “I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” Conrad smiled, pressing their foreheads together.

Draping her arms around his shoulders, Vivvy touched a kiss to his thin lips. “Me either.”

Music faded and rice thrown, Conrad and Vivvy left Reggies arm in arm, friends applauding their departure. For their first night as man and wife they spent it at home, planning to leave the following day for a brief honeymoon, but as the elevator ticked up to the 18th floor, holding Conrad’s hand in her white dress, Vivvy experienced the same heady rush the first time she came to his apartment, but with a fresh depth, a foundation beneath it as she strolled to the doorway. 

Pausing with his key in the lock, Conrad released an audible sigh. “My love, I...I desperately want to carry you over the threshold, but I don’t think my back would--”

Vivvy giggled and laid a hand on his chest. “Oh honey, don’t worry about it.”

Once inside their fingers flowed over one another with an urgency that also anticipated a lifetime to touch, Conrad gently turning Vivvy around once they reached the bedroom and unbuttoning her dress with care, hanging it up and removing her veil before shucking off his jacket and returning to her.

“Vivvy…” Lips brushing over her shoulder, Conrad’s lanky arms encircled her from behind and he rubbed her belly adoringly. “I love you so much, darling.”

Vivvy leaned into him, eyes falling closed as she reached an arm back to thread into his ginger hair. “I love you, too, Conrad.” His growing cock insistent through her white lace panties, Vivvy pressed her ass back against him, biting her lip as she bent her knees and dragged herself over his crotch. 

“Mmm...Vivvy, you’re so sexy…” Inching down her panties, Conrad kneaded her little asscheek and rolled his hips against her. “I still can’t believe I get to touch you.”

Spinning in his arms, Vivvy linked their lips, tongues twirling as she hurriedly unraveled Conrad’s tie and tossed it aside, her fingers flying over the buttons of his shirt and unzipping his slacks, disrobing him as rapidly as possible and pulling him down with her onto the bed. 

Conrad grinding into her, the head of Vivvy’s cock poked out of the brim of her panties as she rutted against him, panting and grasping at his tall frame. “Oh Conrad...yes...I want you to fuck me so badly…”

“Mmm…” Squeezing her muscular thigh, Conrad chuckled. “I love when you talk like that, Vivvy. It gets me so hard.”

“You don’t say, Mr. Bennett?” Vivvy raised a prominent eyebrow, pouting.

“Indeed I do…” Lowering himself to her mouth, Conrad licked her pink lips with the tip of his tongue. “Mrs. Bennett.”

Until that moment the realization that she was someone’s  _ wife _ , that she had a husband and was a married woman, truly hadn’t crashed into Vivvy, and for a second all thoughts of sexy games were whisked from her mind and a goofy grin blossomed on her face before Conrad’s rotating hips and urgent erection brought her back to the present.

“Well…” Polishing his sharp cheekbone with her thumb, Vivvy decided there was no better time to be bold. Bringing herself to Conrad’s ear, Vivvy’s voice was smoky and sultry. “ _ I want you to fuck me hard with your big cock, Mr. Bennett.” _

A shiver crept over Conrad’s freckled skin and his cerulean eyes flashed. “With pleasure, darling.”

Retrieving the lube, Conrad peeled away her panties, smearing the sticky liquid over himself and Vivvy before swiping over her entrance a couple of times with a raised eyebrow. Vivvy nodded and he tipped his hips forward with a deep groan, Vivvy gasping at the stretch and opening her legs wider to accommodate him.

Mouths fusing as Conrad took her cock in hand, their bodies soon developed a steady rhythm, and as Vivvy drove herself onto Conrad, moaning against his lips, she reflected on all the things he taught her in their time together.

Conrad taught her the value of time. How with his generosity. Vivvy was able not only to pursue her passion for dancing, but for him and for life, a freedom that though she was certain there was a monetary value attached, for Vivvy was invaluable.

Conrad taught her the value of safety. What it meant to have a space where she could be truly Vivvy in every way, every day. Flaunt herself without apology, and not only that, but be praised for her womanhood, for the little intricacies that contributed to her intricate Vivviness.

But perhaps most important of all, Conrad helped Vivvy value herself. In the time she’d known him, Vivvy actually started to believe it when he said she was beautiful. Vivvy would finish a book, complete a puzzle in the paper, and she would feel accomplished, smart, even. And though she knew the majority of credit went to work she did within herself, Conrad’s constant encouragement and guiding hand played a role in helping her attain an unprecedented level of acceptance.

Conrad pounded into her feverishly, bed creaking and headboard rocking as Vivvy’s skrieks ricocheted off the walls and she clawed his back with her manicured nails. “ _ Oh Conrad! Yes! Fuck me! Don’t stop!”  _

Vivvy flickered around his hammering cock and Conrad came up on one knee, yanking her vigorously. “ _ Yes! Cum for me, darling! You’re so beautiful! I love you! Yes!” _

Head tossed back and screaming, every muscle in Vivvy’s carved legs flexed as she went still and silent, sharp jaw dropping and eyes clenching before, with a wavering whine, she released, cum spraying over her bridal lingerie as she violently constricted around Conrad’s cock and he emitted a heavy groan.

“Oh Vivvy... _ fuck… _ ”

Laying flat, Conrad took her face in both hands, barely pulsing within her. “Can I...can I finish, dear?”

“Yes…” Vivvy gasped, nodding. “Cum inside me, my love.”

Sighing with relief, Conrad claimed her panting lips, pummeling forward until his movements grew erratic and his kisses uncoordinated, whimpering above her as he gripped Vivvy’s head tight and his features distorted. “ _ Oh Viv! Yes! I’m gonna cum! Fuck! Fuck! _ ” With a strangled cry his cum drained inside of her, warm and comforting as Vivvy continued to throb around him, Conrad gulping air above her as he deflated.

Staying inside until he went soft, Conrad nearly fell asleep on top of her, Vivvy rocking them gently back and forth with her limbs encasing him until she delicately patted Conrad’s shoulder and he blinked himself alert, nodding and removing himself before Vivvy nestled into his narrow frame. Both Conrad and Vivvy drifted into peaceful slumber, afloat on dreams of what might be and smiling as they held one another in the blue moonlight.


	8. 8

The one aspect of the wedding planning Vivvy left up to Conrad was the honeymoon. When Conrad suggested renting a house on a vineyard in Napa Valley, Vivvy was ecstatic, and at first she couldn’t understand why his expression was hesitant. That is, until he explained that, of course, they would need to fly. And getting on an airplane meant showing her ID. And ID meant Vivvy couldn’t go as Vivvy, at least for the traveling portion of their trip.

Conrad said he was more than happy to do something else, return to Vermont, or find a different option closer to home, but an acrid guilt coated Vivvy’s stomach. After working tremendously hard, Conrad deserved this week off more than anyone and she wanted him to have it exactly the way he desired for once. So, the morning after their nuptials, bags packed, Vivvy stood in the bathroom in her slacks and button up shirt, which she had to purchase specifically for this purpose since she simply didn’t have men’s clothes around anymore, and stared. Stared at the accusing reflection taunting her in the mirror. 

Vivvy thought that person was gone for good. Thought she scared him away with love and friendship and confidence. But there he was. Frightened. Alone. Cobalt eyes on the verge of tears like hundreds, perhaps thousands of times before and wishing he didn’t exist. Screaming to be heard, to be seen, with a closed mouth, pink lips quivering for mercy.

“Viv? Darling, are you almost ready?” 

“Yeah, be right out…” That voice.  _ That voice doesn’t match your face.  _ Her brain whispered as her reflection continued to jeer, reminding Vivvy that when she stepped out into the world today, she would have to deepen, to hearken back to a former tone. Conrad would hear. He would see. Intellectually, Vivvy knew it wouldn’t change how he felt about her. Conrad was her husband now. Hadn’t he proved time and time again that no one and nothing would change how he felt about her?

But the eyes in the mirror seemed to glare, to become a raging, stormy blue, lips morphing into a leering smirk as the ancient goblin of doubt materialized within the marble walls of the bathroom.

_ But what if it does change things?  _ The poisonous voice whispered, gnawing on Vivvy’s joined ear until the tears came, hot and wet and resentful.  _ What if he won’t love you anymore?  _

And then a second creature slithered under the floorboards, perhaps even more dangerous then the first, claws clicking up Vivvy’s spine to gouge into her brain with a menacing cackle.  _ Or what if… _ The voice laughed, throwing its monstrous head back in glee at her pooling shame.  _ What if he likes you  _ better  _ this way? Huh, Viv? Maybe he wanted a big, strong man all along and has been just  _ aching  _ for the day you would stop playing dress up. _

“Viv?” A light knock came at the door and Vivvy blinked. “Dear, is everything alright?”

Knowing she couldn’t hide from him forever, Vivvy placed her hand on the knob and took a deep breath. Cracking the door open a hair, she kept her face turned away, Conrad seeing only her ear and a sliver of her body. “I, um…” Voice wavering, Vivvy sniffed. “Sorry, I’m...it’s a little bit harder than I thought it would be...I’ll...I’ll try to hurry…” Vivvy swallowed, opening the door another inch.

“Oh...oh, Vivvy, darling…” Conrad reassured the tiny part of her he could, stroking the thumb which gripped the doorframe with one of his long fingers and speaking gently. “You...we don’t have to do this. It’s fine. Let’s...let’s just forget about it.”

Pressing her forehead into the wall, a sob broke from Vivvy’s chest. “But...but isn’t...didn’t you spend a lot of money?” 

Shaking his head, Conrad put his face near the gap, but then thought better of it as she obviously didn’t want to be seen and retreated. “Viv, that doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about that now. I...I just want you to be happy, okay? This…” Touching her hand again, Conrad swallowed hard. “This is no way for a bride to be on her honeymoon. You don’t deserve that, Viv.”

Weeping, when Vivvy spoke again her voice was shattered and Conrad had difficulty making out her words. “I just feel so stupid. I...I should’ve known I couldn’t...that it would be too hard. I...I wasted...I know you wanted to...and I ruined everything.”

“Hey, hey…” Trying to keep his tone soothing, Conrad wanted nothing more than to hold her in that moment. “No. You’re not stupid and nothing is ruined.” Conrad paused, looking back over his shoulder at the bags. “Hey, I’ve got an idea...since we’re all packed, why don’t you go put on your new dress. You know, that sexy red number that makes me crazy?” He thought he heard a weak chuckle and pushed on. “And we’ll rent a room at the Four Seasons for the week. Spend all day eating room service and making love and doing absolutely nothing. How’s that sound?”

A single red-rimmed sapphire eye appeared in the gap. “I don’t want to make you go to any more trouble…”

“Vivvy, it’s no trouble.” Smiling, Conrad gazed at her adoringly. “I just want to spend my honeymoon with my wonderful wife. I don’t care where or how as long as you’re happy and we’re together.”

Sniffling, Vivvy gave a hesitant nod. “Alright…” 

“Good.” Giving her thumb a squeeze, Conrad grinned. “I love you, darling.”

Half of her mouth smiled at him. “I love you, too.” Then Vivvy’s eye looked back and forth. “Would you...could you go to the kitchen? Maybe? So I can get to the bedroom and change?”

“Of course, dear.” Conrad nodded. “I’ll be waiting for you whenever you’re ready.”

As Vivvy splashed cold water on her face and hastily changed into the red dress before applying her makeup, she faintly heard Conrad on the phone and a bilious guilt rose in the back of her throat telling her that it was certainly more than a mild inconvenience for him to cancel a weeks’ worth of plans and plane rides. 

But as she shyly tapped across the livingroom floor toward him, face down and body folded inward, Conrad greeted her with open arms and a smile. “Oh so beautiful.” Scooping Vivvy in close, Conrad petted her hair while she tucked into his neck.

“I’m sorry…” Vivvy whispered.

Shaking his head, Conrad brushed a kiss to her neck. “No need.” Conrad swayed them back and forth, rubbing the small of her back. “Are you okay, Viv?”

Nodding against him, Vivvy hugged his waist. Then her lips found his neck. The line of his crisp jaw. Conrad’s cheek. Chuckling, he took her square chin in his hand. “What say we go get that room first?”

“Alright.” Vivvy nodded.

Conrad gave her ass a pat as he grabbed a suitcase, leaning into Vivvy’s ear. “I want to make you scream so loud everyone in that hotel knows my name.” Giggling, Vivvy stuck her tongue between her teeth and, though it took her a couple of days to shed her shame and enjoy herself, they had a wonderful honeymoon right there in New York, hardly leaving the room or one another’s arms, Conrad grateful to once again see a smile on Vivvy’s gorgeous face.

A couple of weeks into their status as newlyweds, Conrad and Vivvy were toweling off after the shower and he noticed, as was her custom, Vivvy turned herself away from the mirror, folding her lips under and casting her eyes away as she gathered her panties from the counter and pulled them on. Following her to their closet, Conrad decided it was time to broach a topic that needled his mind for some time. 

“Hey Viv, I’d like to ask you something, or…” Pulling on a white undershirt, Conrad ran his fingers through his damp orange hair. “Or, well. I guess...I haven’t...I didn’t want to bring it up because I don’t want you to think I don’t…”

Vivvy furrowed her brow and tilted her head at him curiously and Conrad sighed, letting his arms fall. “Vivvy…” Fingers going to her waist, Conrad blinked. “You know I love you, and I love your body. But if you...if you want to change, I...I would love you however you were, I hope you know that, and, um…” Nodding, Conrad’s large hands gave her a squeeze. “If...if the surgeries are something you want, I’ll happily pay for them, darling.”

“Oh.” Mouth falling open, Vivvy bobbed her head. “Well…” Taking Conrad’s palm, Vivvy stared between them. “Conrad, I...I can’t have them. I wasn’t...I tried the hormones and they made me very depressed and, um...apparently surgeons they...they want you to be on them for some time before they’ll do any...procedures or what have you, so…” Swallowing, Vivvy’s oceanic eyes shifted and she raised a shoulder with a forlorn smile. “So I’m stuck this way.”

Conrad nodded in understanding, caressing her cheek. “Well, lucky for me you’re already the most gorgeous woman in the world then, huh?”

Blinking rapidly, Vivvy folded herself against him, breathing into the consoling circle of Conrad’s skinny arms. “You really wouldn’t change me? Even if you could?”

Shaking his head, Conrad touched a kiss to her neck. “Vivvy, you’re the woman I’ve always wanted. I only brought it up because I would do anything to make you happy. I love all of you, darling. Just as you are.”

Brushing her lips to the corner of his sturdy jaw, Vivvy and Conrad melted into one another among the quiet familiarity of their clothes, finding solace in each other’s embrace

***

With the wedding, honeymoon, and generally being caught up in marital bliss, Vivvy skipped nearly a month’s worth of Balls, warmly greeted when she returned and treated to an earful of all the gossip that passed in her absence.

Dancing underway, Vivvy beamed when Trent sidled up to their table. “Aw Trent, I’ve missed you! How’ve you been?”

“Okay, I suppose. How’re you, Viv? How’s married life?” He asked as he led her out to the floor.

Nodding, Vivvy hooked her hands behind his neck and they instantly fell into step with one another. “Wonderful. Everything’s been great.”

“Glad to hear that, Viv.” Trent dipped her, Vivvy constantly surprised he managed it considering their height difference. “Conrad seems like a solid guy.”

Vivvy smiled. “He really is. Hey…” She bumped Trent with her hip. “What about you? Why don’t I ever see you with anyone?”

Chuckling weakly, Trent rolled his eyes as they swiveled. “Well...it’s not like I’m beating them away with a stick, Viv.”

“I don’t see why not.” Vivvy grinned, caressing his smooth cheek. “You’re handsome. Sweet. You can dance.” Lifting her eyebrows, Vivvy twirled out and spun back in to find Trent inevitably blushing.

“Yeah, well…” Trent’s gaze shifted away. “The ladies they...they tend to want...well…” Staring at the floor, he swallowed. “You know, I’m kind of trapped in the middle, so...not many people are looking for that…”

He stopped moving, his teeth clenching and blinking hastily. “Oh...Trent, honey…” Vivvy gathered him into her arms and he rested his head on her chest. “I am, too.” Murmuring barely loud enough to be heard over the music, Vivvy rubbed his back, feeling Trent hitch against her as they stood stationary in the middle of the floor. “And I found someone. It...there are people who want us. They might be hard to find, but they’re out there.”

Trent’s arms wrapped around her waist and he nodded, sniffing. “Thanks, Viv. I...I hope you’re right.”

After he calmed, Trent escorted her back to her table and as Vivvy watched him disappear into the throng, her heart ached for the kind man who, like herself, was imprisoned in a body that betrayed him.

***

After spending a girl’s night with Trixie, Rachel, and Joliet, staying up late chatting and giggling, Vivvy decided to take a detour and do some shopping before returning home. It was a balmy Sunday morning in May and the anniversary of her first date with Conrad was fast approaching, so Vivvy was on the prowl for something especially sexy.

Discovering fishnet thigh highs with lace tops and a garter in her size, Vivvy tingled at the thought of Conrad’s reaction as she made her purchase and caught a cab back to the apartment. Strolling inside the building, the manager blocked her on the way to the elevator.

“Excuse me.” Voice firm and face flat, he stood so close to Vivvy she took half a step back. “I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Blinking, Vivvy knit her prominent eyebrows together in confusion. “...What? I live here.” She pointed a finger skyward. “I’m--”

“Is your name on the lease for one of the apartments in this building?” His nose flared. Vivvy didn’t understand why he was confronting her like this. She walked by him a hundred times before, and though he was never exactly friendly, the man never stopped her from going upstairs. 

“No, but…I...I live with Conrad Bennett. He owns one of the apartments.” Actually Vivvy wasn’t sure if he rented or owned, but she figured it was a safe enough assumption.

Crossing his arms, the manager glared at her with an expression of vengeful glee. “Conrad Bennett died this morning. Heart attack, I believe. I’m going to have to ask you to leave this property,  _ ma’am,  _ or I’ll have to call the police.”

Vivvy couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. There was no air. No sound. The room warped around her and a high, faint buzzing whirred at the edge of her consciousness. “But...I...he…” Her mouth worked open and closed in silence, cobalt eyes staring blankly.

“Okay, let’s go, tranny…” Roughly snatching her arm, the manager hauled Vivvy out of the glass doors, tossing her out onto the sidewalk where she stumbled, looking back at the building in disbelief.

“No…” Vivvy whispered, swallowing and shaking her head. “No.” Brain scrambling, Vivvy frantically glanced up and down the street, spotting a phonebooth. Jogging as fast as she could in her heels, she rummaged in her purse, praying she had a coin and when she found one, Vivvy jammed it into the slot, feverishly dialing Conrad’s number.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar man’s voice answered.

“Yes, um…” Her voice, in fact her entire body, shaking, Vivvy tried to steady herself enough to be understood. “Is Conrad there, please?”

A heavy sigh. “May I ask who’s calling?”

“This...I’m Vivvy.”

The pause before he spoke was interminable. “Vivvy, how do...how did you know Conrad?”

Hand clutching the phone bank to keep herself upright, Vivvy almost accidentally hung up on him as her eyes fell closed and her throat constricted. “I...we’re together...he’s...my...I’m…” Folding in on herself, Vivvy covered her mouth to suppress a sob.

“Oh...Oh, I’m sorry. Conrad didn’t mention he had a lady friend. We weren’t close. But I saw some women’s stuff here, so…” Silence. Vivvy sank as low as the cord would allow, holding the phone to her ear. “I’m Tom. His brother. Just...just trying to take care of things now that he’s...yeah…”

Swallowing, Vivvy couldn’t see through her tears. “I...I tried to come upstairs but...but they said I couldn’t because my name’s not on the lease.”

“Oh well, that’s silly.” Tom scoffed. “Hang on, I’ll be down in a few minutes and I’ll come get you.”

Whispering a thank you, Vivvy hung up, staring at the phone. Just staring. Then Vivvy snapped, wrenching the phone from its hook with a mournful roar, ripping the cord away as her love was violently torn from her without warning and beating the receiver against the buttons until they were mashed and useless. Dropping the phone to the ground, Vivvy screamed, turning and slamming her fist into the glass wall again. And again. And again. She didn’t feel her fracturing knuckles. Didn’t hear the cracking glass. Vivvy didn’t even notice her own raw, grief-soaked cry echoing off the cramped walls. All Vivvy knew was blinding, consuming pain.

Deflating a little, fingers swelling and face puffy, she shoved the booth door aside and dragged herself to the front of the apartment building to wait for Conrad’s brother, head hanging and body weary.

A slightly pudgy man with red hair a touch darker than Conrad’s and a bushy beard stepped out of the building, looking this way and that, hands in his pockets.

“Hello…” Voice hollow, Vivvy approached him and Tom’s eyes, the same piercing blue as Conrad’s, eyed her suspiciously.

“Uh...hi?”

“I’m...I’m Vivvy.” 

A disbelieving chuckle escaped Tom’s lips and he raised an eyebrow. “What?” Taking half a step back from her, he shook his head. “Uh...Linda said...I mean, we thought he was a fag, but this...Jesus…” Face growing hot, Vivvy shifted her weight and blinked. After a beat Tom narrowed his gaze at her. “I don’t buy it. I don’t know who, or what, the hell you’re supposed to be. But I don’t think Con was messing with something like you.”

Dark blue eyes flicking up, Vivvy gritted her teeth and the muscle in her sharp jaw flashed. “Conrad and I are…” Changing the tense was as if someone gouged her in the heart with a burning blade. “Were in love. See?” Vivvy held up her left hand, showing the ring. “We lived together! Like you said, you saw my things upstairs!”

“Oh you bastard!” A fire rose behind Tom’s hateful eyes.  _ Why do they have to be precisely that shade of blue?  _ And he took a step toward Vivvy. “That’s my grandmother’s ring! How fucking dare you?!” Before Vivvy could react he was on her, snatching at her hand and trying to rip the ring from her finger. 

“No! No,  _ stop!”  _ Vivvy tried to beat him away, but her right fist was sore and damaged from her fight with the phone booth.  _ “No!” _ Screaming, Vivvy clawed his face. Tom rose, red and furious and heavy knuckles sank into Vivvy’s left cheekbone, knocking her to the ground, head ringing as Tom stepped on her arm, violently tearing the ring away with a grunt.

Hand to her cheek, Vivvy looked up at his heaving, wrathful form only to have him spit in her face. “And don’t you fucking think about coming back here!”

Stomping back inside, Tom left Vivvy on the sidewalk, broken and trembling. A dozen, two dozen or more people passed by. No one stopped. Some glanced. Some gawked. But no one offered to help as Vivvy peeled herself up, only then realizing she still held her now unnecessary purchase from that morning.

Vivvy walked. And walked. She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t have anywhere to go. Short, shuffling steps carried her forward regardless as her eye puffed and her hand cramped, Vivvy’s mouth hanging and her brain seizing.

Vivvy didn’t hear the voice that called her name. Didn’t register a familiar presence in her field of vision until someone tapped her on the shoulder and she flinched in fear.

“Viv? Vivvy? Jesus Christ, what happened?” Trying to catch her eye, Trent, in his work uniform and fluffy hair, stood before her holding Vivvy by the arms.

“He’s dead…” Vivvy sounded as though she were calling out from the end of a distant corridor.

“What?” Trent blinked, giving her a little shake. “Viv, what? Who’s dead? Viv, who hurt you?”

“Conrad.” 

Lifting a hand gingerly to her cheek, Trent’s voice grew deep, dangerous. “Conrad did this to you?”

“No…” Vivvy swallowed, the effort of explaining exhausting. “Conrad’s dead. His brother...hurt me.”

“Oh...oh fuck, Viv, let’s...let’s get you inside, come on…” Putting an arm around her, Vivvy had no idea she’d wandered in front of the deli where Trent worked. He must’ve spotted her aimlessly strolling and run out from behind the counter to retrieve her before she continued onto nowhere. Propping her up at a table, Trent returned with a glass of water and a dishtowel filled with ice. “Alright, Viv?” Turning to him slowly, Vivvy blinked as though she were having difficulty making her eyes focus. “I want you to hold this on your face, okay? For maybe 15 minutes. I’m sorry, I need to help a few people, but I’ll be right back and I’m going to bring you something to eat. You...you just sit.”

Trent floated away and Vivvy held the ice filled fabric in her hand for a couple of minutes before she remembered what it was for, holding it to her cheek. People flitted around her and Vivvy heard laughter. How could people be laughing right now? Her husband, her Conrad, the man she loved most in all the world, was gone. How could joy possibly exist?

Reappearing with a sandwich, it seemed to Vivvy Trent was somehow gone for both mere minutes and lengthy hours as he perched before her, emerald eyes concerned while he inspected her injuries. “Viv, can...can you tell me what happened?”

Arm flopping down, Vivvy switched the now-dripping bundle to her crushed hand. “I, um…” Throat tight, her stinging eyes were made worse on the one side from the swelling. “I was out shopping and when I came home they...they wouldn’t let me upstairs…” Shifting her jaw to the side, Vivvy shook her head, blinking rapidly. “They said he…” Looking to the ceiling, it didn’t stop the tears from overflowing. “They said he had a heart attack and, um…” Vivvy folded her bottom lip under. “So after I got thrown out, I called and his brother answered. And he was...he was awful. He…” Glancing down at her hand, Vivvy’s face crumpled and her voice barely eked out. “Trent, he...he took my ring...my wedding ring...he just  _ took _ it!” Slamming a fist on the table, Vivvy shouted before melting into shuddering sobs.

“Oh...oh, Viv…” Trent came around to her side and gently put an arm around her. “That’s fucking awful. I’m so sorry.  _ Fuck _ , that’s…” Shaking his head, Trent rubbed her broad back as Vivvy’s grief leaked over the table, hoping the lunch rush was over so he wouldn’t have to leave her. “Viv?” Trying to choose his words carefully, Trent tucked her dark curly hair behind her ear. “My shift is over in an hour. Do...do you have anywhere to go?”

Vivvy lifted her head. Mind occupied with thoughts of Conrad, it didn’t occur to her. Not only was Vivvy now homeless, but she was thoroughly prevented from retrieving any of her earthly possessions. “No…” Pink lips quivering, Vivvy shook her head. “I...Trent, what am I going to do?”

“Hey...hey, don’t you worry, alright?” Trent cupped her chin to avoid her injury. “My House...let me talk to the House father. We have an extra bed right now. I mean...it’s almost all dudes, so you’ll probably feel a bit outnumbered, but…” Shrugging, he smiled at her. “As long as you don’t mind never having to open a door for yourself again, I think we might be able to help you out.”

The corner of Vivvy’s mouth twitched and she nodded. “Okay, just let me call him. See what he thinks about it. I’ll be right back. Try and eat some of that if you can.” Trent pointed to the corned beef. “It’s really good.”

Vivvy wasn’t remotely interested in food. Or anything, for that matter. Trent returned to tell her the House father, Gabe, said yes on the condition that he wanted to have a talk with her when she arrived, which Vivvy supposed was more than fair. Once Trent finished his shift, he carried Vivvy’s bag and guided her ghostly steps to the subway, his small arm around her waist strangely reassuring as he led Vivvy to the second story walkup consisting of six minuscule, run down rooms.

Walking inside, Vivvy was immediately assaulted with the scent of cologne, cooking stew, and cleaning products. Trent showed her to the living room where a paunchy, middle aged, balding trannsexual man stood, offering Vivvy a seat on the couch.

“Hello, you must be Vivvy.” He extended his hand for a shake, but when he saw her damaged fingers, retracted with a nod. “I’m Gabe. Nice to meet you.”

“Hello.” Vivvy replied softly, looking at her lap.

Gesturing back to the door, Gabe grinned. “Trent speaks very highly of you.”

Vivvy lifted an expansive shoulder. “He’s very kind.”

“Yes.” Gabe nodded, folding his hands in his lap. “I understand you’ve fallen on some hard times and are looking for a place to stay?” Biting her pink lip, Vivvy gave a timid nod. “Well, I just have a few questions. Do you use drugs, Vivvy?”

“No.” Vivvy shook her head and Gabe nodded again.

“Good, good. Do you drink?”

Shrugging, Vivvy screwed up her mouth. “Not much. I don’t get drunk.”

“That’s fine.” Gabe replied. “I prefer you not do your drinking here, if you do.”

“Not a problem.” Vivvy bobbed her head. 

“Well…” Holding up his hands, Gabe sat back. “The only other two rules are no bringing back overnight guests, and everyone has to do their fair share. I understand you’re not working right now?”

Shaking her head, Vivvy swallowed. “No, but...I...I’ll find something…”

“Vivvy…” Voice soft, Vivvy lifted her head and Gabe’s gray eyes peered into her. “Take some time. A week, two. Don’t worry about it too much, okay? Just...help out around here as much as you can. Once…” Gabe pointed at her. “Once those hands are better, that is. Speaking of…” Furrowing his brow, Gabe stood with pursed lips and approached her. “They really don’t look good. I think you need to be checked out.” Glancing at her face as well, Gabe frowned.

“Maybe, but…” Vivvy shook her head. “I can’t afford to go to the doctor.”

“Well, I’m not sure what he can do, but one of my boys, Rob, he’s an EMT. Or used to be, at least. Might be able to patch you up a bit. I’ll tell him when he gets home.” Gabe lifted his head. “Hey Trent?”

Popping his head back in the room, Trent raised his eyebrows. “Yup?”

“You wanna show Vivvy to her room? Get her set up?” 

“Sure.” Leading Vivvy down the hall, Trent ushered Vivvy into a room hardly bigger than the mattress on the floor, but the bedding was clean and there was an empty closet and dresser, though of course all Vivvy had to fill it was her ridiculous lingerie. “Alright, well, here it is…” Trent scratched the back of his head. “It’s not much, but...anything you need, like soap, shampoo, towels or whatever, you can use mine until you get your own, and, um...do you need some clothes to sleep in? I might have a shirt and shorts that’ll fit you.”

Vivvy shook her head. “No, no, I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, well, dinner’s almost ready. Do you want me to come get you? Or I can just bring you something if you’re not feeling up to meeting everyone yet? Normally we don’t eat in our rooms really, but I don’t think Gabe’ll mind for tonight.”

Blinking wearily, Vivvy plopped down on the mattress. “I’m...not hungry. Thank you, though. I think...I think I’ll just try to sleep.”

“Okay.” Looking at her, Trent gave a woeful nod. “Well, I’m right next door.” Trent knocked on the wall. “You need anything, anything at all, you just come ask me, alright, Viv?” She bobbed her head and he lifted a hand in a wave. “Okay, try to get some rest.”

Vivvy gingerly disrobed, her fingers clunky and uncooperative, before she climbed into the sheets in her bra and panties. They smelled strange. Not bad, but foreign.  _ They don’t smell like Conrad.  _ Burying her face in the pillow, Vivvy wept as she remembered the first time she got a hint of his scent, and how everytime after its notes were both calming and enticing. As Vivvy faced the idea that she would never inhale that scent again, never feel his freckled hands dancing over her skin, never hear his voice whispering that he loved her, never see his face smiling back at her from the opposite pillow, Vivvy’s body shook.

With sorrow. Sorrow that she thought she found love, only to lose it within a year. With rage. Rage at the injustices dealt to her on Conrad’s final day by his brother and by fate. With regret. Regret for all the tiny moments she didn’t appreciate. All the moments Vivvy feared would evaporate from her memory. 

What if, a year from now, she couldn’t remember what Conrad’s laugh sounded like? Or the way it felt when he snuggled against her in the night, half asleep and mumbling, his unconscious arms needing Vivvy closer, nearer, pulling her in until she notched perfectly into his tall frame? It wasn’t as if she had pictures of her and Conrad together. Or letters they’d written one another. And, Vivvy thought bitterly, even if she did she wouldn’t be able to get them now. What if, someday, she forgot Conrad altogether?

Vivvy cried until she couldn’t believe there were tears left inside of her, abdomen tense from the efforts of her sobs and throat chafed by grief. Cold and empty, Vivvy stared at the ceiling, studying a water stain, mindlessly fingering her moonstone and pearl earrings as she heard feet pattering and doors shutting, the apartment growing quiet for the night.

Uncertain of the hour, the cold sheets mocked Vivvy as time ticked on, and sleep was a distant enemy as moonlight trickled in through her square window. Stillness unnerving and quiet deafening, Vivvy stood, wishing she had a robe as she cautiously peeked her head out of her room, checking the hall before tiptoeing over to the next room.

Vivvy knocked on Trent’s door as quietly as possible. If he didn’t wake to the soft noise, Vivvy supposed she would go back and examine the walls until morning.

A shuffling step followed by the twisting of the doorknob. “Oh, hey Viv.” Holding his shirt away from himself, face sleepy, Trent smiled at her. Then, his eyes must’ve woken up enough to take her in because they went wide and he slapped a hand over them. “Oh!”

Vivvy glanced down at her underwear, shaking her head. “Trent, it’s fine, truly, I just…” Leaning forward, he continued to shield his eyes and she reached up to lower his arm. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, um…” Eyes looking up and away, Trent nodded. “Okay...I guess...sure…”

Stepping away from the door, Trent allowed Vivvy inside and his room wasn’t what she expected. Two small bookshelves groaned under the weight of their occupants, more books tidily stacked on the floor and atop his dresser. The walls bore a variety of pictures from magazines. Some of beautiful women, some men, which surprised her, and many astronomical images, the stars and galaxies winking at her from every surface. There were two upside down dried bouquets of flowers hanging from the wall and each item bedecking Trent’s dresser was kept in an orderly manner.

“Alright, so…” Vivvy rubbed her elbow with the opposite hand. “I can’t sleep. I haven’t had to sleep alone for...for almost a year, and, um…” Folding her lips under, Vivvy shook her head. “I don’t know if I can anymore.”

Trent blinked, forgetting to keep the fabric away from his chest in his alarm, Vivvy able to see the outline of his chest. “Oh, Viv, um…” Swallowing, he looked at the door. “I...I don’t think we’re supposed to do that. You know…” Lowering his voice, Trent leaned in conspiratorially. “ _ Fraternizing _ .”

Vivvy giggled, immediately covering her mouth to dampen the sound. “Oh Trent, thank you.” She brought her fingers to her brow. “I didn’t think I would find something funny anytime soon.”

“Oh, well…” Shrugging, Trent offered a half smile. “You’re welcome.”

“But…” Vivvy twisted her foot on the floor. “It’s...I just need to sleep. After today...please? I’m...I’m sorry to ask you, but…” Sighing heavily, Vivvy shook her head. “I... _ Please _ .”

Trent stared back at her in silence for a moment before slowly nodding. “Okay, Viv.”

“Thank you.” Vivvy whispered, giving his forearm a squeeze. 

Pulling back the blanket, Trent indicated Vivvy should enter first, chivalrous in all things as per usual and she crawled under the sheets, Trent flicking off the light before he joined her.

“Hey Trent.” Vivvy murmured.

Even in the darkness Vivvy could practically see him blushing. “Yeah, Viv?”

“Would you...hold me? Just until I fall asleep?”

Trent was quiet for a long time. “Um...okay.” His voice came out high and irregular, and Vivvy thought maybe that was what Trent sounded like before as she flipped onto her side and he timidly scooted against her. Arm curling over her in trepidation, Trent adjusted himself. “Is, um...this...that okay, Viv?”

Remarkably stiff behind her, Vivvy wished there was some way she could convince him to relax, but she knew that was hopeless. “Yes, thank you.” Taking his fingers with her slightly better hand, Vivvy nestled against him and Trent’s body might as well have been concrete. Puffing out her cheeks, Vivvy began to feel guilty that, not only was she damned to sleeplessness, but apparently she hoisted the curse off on Trent as well, and likely he had to work tomorrow.

Vivvy thought about how she had to find a job again, how she would likely have to spend her days with a different name donning her chest, legs restricted in slacks, makeup relegated to her nights, that is, whenever she could afford some, pretending she was someone else for the sake of survival.

Trent heard Vivvy’s breath hitch, noticed her wide back shivering and molded himself against her, drawing close to her anguished body. As he brought his lips to her ear, Trent didn’t speak empty promises or trite comforts. He didn’t tell Vivvy ‘Everything’s going to be okay,’ or ‘You’re going to get through this.’ No. Instead, Trent’s voice whispered something true. “ _ I’m right here, I’m right here _ ,” as Vivvy cried herself to sleep.


	9. 9

A gentle but urgent tapping startled Vivvy from her slumber. “Viv? Hey Vivvy?” Looking blearily at the unfamiliar surroundings in the early morning light, Vivvy craned her neck and saw Trent’s face, sandy blond hair sleep-mussed and grinning. “I’m sorry. But you need to go back to your room before everyone wakes up.”

Giving an exhausted nod, Vivvy stood, holding her hands in front of herself. Trent kindly averted his gaze from her morning erection and got up to open the door. “Hey Viv, I, um…” Leaning in, Trent lowered his voice. “I have to go to work. But when I’m done, if you want to hang out. Need someone to talk to, just let me know, alright?”

“Thank you, Trent.” Vivvy tried to hitch something resembling a smile on her face before padding out to the bathroom. Once inside, it hurt Vivvy’s fingers to touch herself, but not nearly as much as it hurt her heart. Vivvy’s mind conjured nothing other than Conrad. His strong hands gliding over her pale skin. His cerulean eyes, impish in their delight as he soaked in her image. Conrad’s long, agile body undulating above her. How his reedy voice never failed to whisper, “ _ I love you.” _

As Vivvy came into the bunched up tissue, tears decorated her cheeks. Washing her hands and face, Vivvy scurried back to her room, not especially eager to be seen in her bra and panties by the other residents of the house, at least not before names were exchanged.

Half of Vivvy wanted to stay in bed and hide, and based on the previous night’s interaction, she thought Gabe would probably allow it, for the first day, at least. But Vivvy knew when she lowered the blanket, her grief would be waiting. So climbing reluctantly back into her soiled clothing, Vivvy went down the hall to join the House for breakfast.

Peeking her head in the room like a skittish mouse, it was a moment before anyone noticed her presence, and in that time, Vivvy stared in awe. The five of them moved around the kitchen in almost total silence, and yet it was like they were one, ten limbed organism, stirring oatmeal, grabbing brown sugar, measuring, scooping, carrying; all working together toward the singular goal of sustenance.

“Oh! Good morning, Vivvy.” Gabe grinned when he spotted her inching into the kitchen. “Everybody? This is Vivvy. She’s going to be staying with us until she gets back on her feet.”

“Hello…” Lifting a timid hand in a wave, four pairs of eyes turned to her and Vivvy gave a shy smile. 

As bowls were set, Gabe pointed around to those assembled. “Alright, here’s Joe…” An exceptionally short man with curly black hair offered Vivvy a tiny salute as he grabbed a handful of spoons. “Rob.” Willowy and angular, he flashed Vivvy a quick smile as he placed the orange juice on the table. “Tim.” A pudgy man, older, with a wispy mustache waved. “And Alexis.” Tall, brunette, and body hidden beneath flowing, colorful clothing, Vivvy was as of yet unsure how Alexis wanted to refer to themselves, but their plump lips formed a warm grin as she joined everyone at the table.

“Trent’ll probably snag something on his way out.” Gabe indicated the vacant seat. “Have whatever you like.”

Taking a banana, Vivvy chewed while the five of them chatted, mostly about things for which she had no reference as she ate, folding up her shoulders and her peel before glancing around awkwardly. “Oh Rob,” Gabe turned to the younger man and he lifted a faint eyebrow. “Could you take a look at Vivvy’s hands? They’re pretty banged up.”

“Sure.” Rob’s voice was far deeper than one would expect judging by his appearance, and after half a bowl of oatmeal, Vivvy sat back while Tim and Alexis did the clean up, Rob inspecting her fingers. “Hmm…” Narrowing his brown eyes, Rob pursed his lips. “Can you bend them for me?”

Vivvy tried. It was possible, but she winced. “Alright.” Rob nodded heavily. Seeing Trent coming down the hall, he stood to meet him and for a moment they whispered together, Vivvy unable to divine their words. 

“Okay, Viv?” Trent knelt down next to her, cupping Vivvy’s face while Rob circled around to the other side. “I want you to look at me, alright? Just keep your eyes on me.”

“What…?” Blinking, Vivvy shifted uncomfortably in her chair as Rob took hold of her hand. “What are you doing?”

Redirecting her square chin toward him, Trent’s hold was surprisingly firm. “Don’t worry about that. Just look at me, alright, Viv? Do you remember last week? When we were dancing, and that big asshole tried to break in because he wanted to take you for a spin?”

Vivvy giggled. “Yeah, he was-- _ FUCK!” _ Rob yanked one of her dislocated fingers back into place. Other hand covering her mouth, Vivvy’s eyes stung and her stomach roiled, shaking her head. 

“Viv?” Trent dipped down, caressing her sharp cheekbone. “Look at me, Vivvy, okay? Just...just don’t pay attention to that. Alright? He’ll go fast and it’ll be done soon. Okay?”

Nodding, Vivvy blinked rapidly, her voice wavering. “Alright. Alright, I’ll try.” Vivvy turned away from Rob, locking into Trent’s emerald eyes and exhaling slowly.

“Okay, what did that jerk do? Huh? When you wouldn’t dance with him?”

“He--” A warbling cry escaped her as Rob straightened a second figure, prompting two tears to trickle down her cheeks. 

Trent scrunched through her chestnut curls, his green gaze aching on her behalf. “One more, Viv, okay? Just...just hang on. Tell me. What did he do?”

“He…” Licking her lips, Vivvy swallowed, tensing up in anticipation of the impending pain. “He pinched my ass-- _ FUCK _ !”

Trent combed back her hair as Vivvy tried to take shallow breaths. “I mean, what a piece of shit but...can you blame him?” Tossing her a wink, Trent smiled as Rob gently rested her hand on her thigh before getting an ice pack. 

“Alright.” Rob set the bottle of ibuprofen before her. “Your other hand should be fine, just swollen. Take these every six hours. Sorry, Vivvy.” Screwing up his mouth, Rob patted her on the shoulder.

Wiping her face with her free hand, Vivvy nodded. “It’s alright. Thank you.”

After snagging a hasty breakfast, Trent headed off to work with a wave, soon followed by the others. Before he left, Gabe leaned in, pressing a key into Vivvy’s hand. “Okay, now Vivvy? I know I don’t know you well, but I’m taking Trent’s word that I can trust you around here while the place is empty, alright?” Vivvy nodded in understanding. “Okay. Well, eat whatever you like. Watch TV. Anything. I’ll be home around six. Trent should be back first, though. Probably about four-ish.” Patting her shoulder, Gabe smiled. “Try to rest up. I’ll see you later.”

“Thank you.” Vivvy grinned, setting the key on the table. Once the house was empty, Vivvy didn’t know what to do with herself. She wasn’t hungry. Nothing interesting was on television at this hour. And her throbbing hands prevented her from holding up any of the interesting offerings from the bookshelves for long. Plus, Vivvy couldn’t concentrate much anyway. Thoughts flooded with Conrad, Vivvy gave up and went back to her room, hoping sleep would come soon.

An increasingly persistent knocking caused Vivvy to snort herself awake. Based on the shafts of light decorating the floor, she’d been out for far longer than intended as Vivvy wrapped the sheet around her tall frame and shuffled to the door. 

“Who is it?”

“It’s Trent.” 

Vivvy sighed. “Trent, darling. I’m sorry, I really just want to rest, I--” But upon opening the door, alongside Trent’s beaming face stood Joliet, looking smart in a powder blue sundress and bearing one grocery bag, Trent hauling two others. 

“Hey Viv.” Joliet smiled sadly, reaching out with her free hand to give Vivvy’s arm a squeeze. “I’m sorry, honey. I heard about...everything.”

“Oh…” Letting her eyes fall to the floor, Vivvy hitched the sheet further up her chest. “Yes, well...thank you…”

Nodding slowly, Joliet swallowed, then patted the bag in her arms. “I have some stuff here for you. Might be a little tight, but…” Shrugging, she grinned. “Should get you through for a while. Oh and…” Joliet smacked the leftmost bag Trent carried. “Some makeup. I think we’re almost the same shade. It’ll work in a pinch, at least.”

Bringing a hand to her mouth, Vivvy blinked rapidly before scooping Joliet into a hug, squishing the clothes between them. “Thank you.”

“No problem, honey.” Joliet patted her wide back, parting with a smile. The three of them entered Vivvy’s room so she could sort through the offerings. “Why didn’t you call me? Tell me what happened? I would’ve come over yesterday to help you out.”

“Oh, I…” Vivvy paused, holding up a forest green camisole to herself. “I guess I just...didn’t want to say it out loud.” Picking at the fabric, Vivvy’s sapphire eyes studied the floor. “Didn’t want it to be real.”

Nodding in understanding, Joliet tucked an errant dark tendril behind Vivvy’s ear before she selected a cream skirt and blouse to go with the sweater. “Alright, I’m going to take a shower, if you don’t mind.”

“No problem.” Trent nodded, leading her out into the hall and retrieving a towel and washcloth. “Here, you can use my shampoo and stuff. Sorry that the scents are all...you know...manly…” Trent made a face, teetering his head.

Chuckling, Vivvy shook her head. “It’s fine. I don’t think I’ll be close enough to anyone for quite a while that they’ll notice.” Vivvy paused with her hand on the bathroom doorknob. “Except, um…” Leaning in, Vivvy lowered her voice. “Last night...thank you. That...that helped me very much.” Vivvy swallowed, bobbing her head. “I appreciate Trent. Truly.”

“No problem.” Trent nodded, smile tight. “Any...anytime.”

Shifting her weight back and forth, Vivvy looked back over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone. “If I...if I can’t sleep. Tonight. Or some other time. Would it be alright if I...came back again?”

“Sure.” Voice eking out, Trent’s head wobbled up and down rapidly. “Of course.”

“Thank you.” Vivvy dipped down to kiss his cheek, Trent’s cheek glowing as though her lips were radioactive. Chuckling, Vivvy entered the bathroom, hoping one day Trent would learn to relax around women a bit more, as it would surely improve his chances of landing a girlfriend as she disrobed and carefully used her palms to turn on the shower.

Once clean and dressed, though the garments were indeed a bit snug, Vivvy was somewhat relieved as she sat before Joliet to get her makeup done. Eager to get back to the piers, Joliet gave her a hug and Vivvy thanked her profusely for her generosity before joining Trent, Joe, and Tim in the living room. 

Halfway through an apple, it wasn’t until Tim turned the second page of the newspaper that Vivvy gasped and stood up from the couch. “Oh! Tim, may I...may I see that, please? If...if you don’t mind?”

Blinking at her sudden enthusiasm, Tim passed the paper over hesitantly. “Sure...why not?”

Vivvy hurriedly ripped open to the obituaries, dark blue eyes scanning. Catching the familiar name, she fell back onto the cushions to read.

_ Conrad Engle Bennett, age 58, passed away peacefully on Sunday morning in his home in Manhattan. CEO of Bennett Financial, he was a pillar of the community, known for his vast contributions both to the world of business and education. Raised in Massachusetts, Conrad was a stellar student, going on to graduate Summa Cum Laude from Harvard. He is survived by his mother, Matilda, and his brother and sister, Tom and Millicent. Services will be held at Parson’s Funeral Parlor on Wednesday May 24th at 3 p.m.  _

Eyes dewy and mouth agape, Vivvy lowered the pages. Of course she wasn’t mentioned. Why would she be? But those few lines of text left her breathless. It was as if she didn’t know Conrad at all. Vivvy had no idea he went to Harvard. Or anything about his siblings, before her rude introduction to his brother. Perhaps, like her, Conrad thought they would have years in which to learn those details about one another. Endless nights of pillow talk to discuss their histories, their lives, their dreams.

But Vivvy was denied those opportunities. And as she handed the paper back to Tim, blinking back tears before slogging down the hall to her bedroom, Vivvy didn’t know where to direct her grief, her sense of injustice. At death? How does one rail against that invisible spectre, call it to account for its crimes? Vivvy wanted nothing more than to snatch the scythe from its bony hand, break it over her knee, scream in its face. But the skull merely cackled at her anguish, tossing up its black cloak to the winds of fate with a flourish.

At Conrad? No. Vivvy couldn’t. Not yet, at least. Perhaps times would come when Vivvy would be angry with him. Irrationally, of course. For abandoning her to this life of solitude. For leaving Vivvy with cold sheets and colder skin. For dying without warning. For never giving her the chance to say goodbye.

And so, Vivvy chose to turn the magnifying glass of wrath on herself. Hadn’t she pushed Conrad too hard? Hadn’t she seen how weary he was from work, and still, proceeded with the wedding? Hadn’t Vivvy ruined his relaxing honeymoon plans with her silly inability to leave the bathroom in a simple pair of slacks? 

Vivvy buried her face in the pillow and screamed. Pummeling the mattress, her hands cried out in protest, but Vivvy relished the sting. Thought she deserved at least that much, if nothing else. If her beloved, sweet, selfless Conrad was dead, Vivvy could endure a few crooked fingers. Crying until she was an empty, numb husk, Vivvy stared blankly at the wall. 

A soft knock at the door didn’t even startle her as Vivvy sniffed. “Come in.”

Trent peeked into the room, half dark with the early evening. “Hey Viv?” Keeping his voice low, Trent chose not to turn on the light. “Dinner’s ready.” Vivvy nodded silently and Trent took half a step closer. “Want me to bring you a plate? You...if you don’t want to deal with everyone, that’s okay.”

Despite herself, Vivvy was rather hungry. “Would you? That...I’d appreciate it. Truly.” Swallowing, she blinked up at Trent with red-rimmed eyes and tried to smile.

“For sure.” Trent nodded. “Be right back.” Closing the door behind him, Trent returned a few minutes later with roast pork, potatoes, and carrots, hunkering down besides Vivvy on the mattress. 

Vivvy tried balancing the plate on her knee and cutting a bite with her fork, but it proved difficult with her swollen fingers and she frowned in frustration. “Here.” Trent took the utensil from her with a smile. “I got it. You just worry about chewing.”

Carving off a dainty piece, Trent lifted it to her pink lips and Vivvy grinned. “Thank you.” It took an exceptionally long time to eat being fed this way, but the food was good and Trent was patient, so Vivvy’s sharp jaw rolled as she worked her way through the meal.

“So, um…” Trent hoisted a piece of potato. “I’m guessing...you got upset because…” Pausing, Trent let Vivvy clear the fork. “Because his obit was in there, huh?”

Covering her mouth, Vivvy nodded. “Yes. The funeral is on Wednesday.”

“Oh.” Spearing a carrot, Trent swallowed. “Are...are you going to go?”

Vivvy stared down at the hovering vegetable. “I want to. Of course. But…” Shaking her head, Vivvy sighed. “His brother. I don’t think he’d let me get past the door.”

“Well, Viv, you know…” Trent paused while she munched. “One time, I was in, you know, my jacket...chest down, hair slicked back and everything and…” Green eyes flicking to her significantly, a smirk spread over Trent’s lips. “And I spent five minutes talking to a guy at a bus stop I dated in high school. Had no idea who I was.” Chuckling, Trent pierced the pork. “So if someone who was actually inside of me at one point didn’t recognize me. Maybe, if you’re willing to go to the funeral home in a suit…”

Pulling her head back, Vivvy blinked. “Wow, I...I didn’t think of that…” Vivvy nodded slowly. “Yes...that might work…But…” Shaking her head, Vivvy glanced at her closet, now containing the items gifted from Joliet. “I don’t have any men’s clothes and honestly,” Vivvy plucked at Trent’s t-shirt with a smile. “I don’t think yours will fit me.”

Trent shrugged. “Let’s go to the thrift store tomorrow. I’ll get you something. Don’t worry about it.”

Touching the backs of her puffed fingers to his soft cheek, Vivvy tilted her head and grinned. “You’re so sweet, Trent. I hope you’ll let me repay you when I can.”

“Aw…” Teetering his head back and forth, Trent held up the fork with the final bit of potato. “It’s no big deal. Here you go.”

Come Wednesday, wrists exposed in the ill-fitting suit and curls slicked back into a low ponytail, Vivvy steeled herself before heading out the door.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you, Viv?” Trent narrowed his eyes, frowning. “It wouldn’t be a problem. Really.”

“No.” Vivvy shook her arms into the sleeves, though they stubbornly remained too short. “I...I think I need to do this by myself.”

“But…” Brows knit together in concern, Trent wrung his hands. “What if he...what if he tries to hurt you again, Viv? And you’re there all alone?”

Clenching her teeth, the muscle in Vivvy’s sculpted jaw flickered. “It’ll...it’ll be alright. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.” Vivvy left a nervous Trent with a quick hug, thanking him again for loaning her the subway fare before making her way to the funeral parlor.

Even merely shifting her weight on the sidewalk under the warm afternoon sun, Vivvy felt out of place. There wasn’t a department store label among those who strolled inside, and there certainly wasn’t anyone like her, Vivvy taking a deep breath, keeping her head down and her broad shoulders curled inward as she shuffled forward.

Somber music and what smelled like incense greeted her as Vivvy crossed the threshold, hushed murmurs of the grieving puttering about the dim walls. Vivvy spotted the casket under the lights and her lungs hitched. Frozen, Vivvy swallowed, taking one step, and then another as she joined the queue of mourners.

A pincer-like hand closed around her elbow. “What the fuck did I tell you about coming around here?” Tom’s voice was deep, dangerous as he tugged Vivvy to the side, close to her ear. “You think I wouldn’t know it was you just because you took off the dress? Huh? Nice try, tranny.”

Vivvy couldn’t look into those cerulean eyes and see hate. Not again. “Just…” Nose flaring, Vivvy studied the maroon patterned carpet, standing firm. “I just want to say goodbye.” Vivvy spoke softly, blinking, determined not to let this monster see her cry. “I’ll be fast. I won’t make a scene or anything. Just a couple of minutes.” Biting the inside of her cheek, Vivvy stared longingly at the spot where Conrad’s body lay. “Please.”

Grip loosening, Tom grunted. “Fine. But…” Tom drew in so close she could smell his harsh aftershave. “If I ever see you again. You’ll be sorry. I guarantee it.”

Vivvy gave a slight nod, rejoining the line. Approaching the casket, Vivvy noticed Conrad’s features were warped, waxy. No longer did he possess the sharp, handsome lines, the laughing crinkles around his sky blue eyes that made her fall for him.

No. This being inside the coffin was not her husband. Not her Conrad. He was gone. Forever. Vivvy knew there was no going back. No way to recapture a love lost to the one fate that had no mercy. 

Shielding herself from those behind, Vivvy retrieved one of her grandmother’s pearl and moonstone earrings from her jacket. Vivvy bent down, carefully tucking it into Conrad’s pocket, tears falling onto his tie as she whispered, “I will always love you.”

Vivvy covered her face, scurrying back down the aisle, the bright light mocking her sorrow as she emerged from the funeral home, collapsing to the pavement with a sob.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/CW: The original character of Trent is assigned female at birth and I use words such as 'pussy' and 'clit' to refer to his genitalia. I apologize if these are dysphoria-inducing for some. If you would like a fic that uses different terminology, don't hesitate to make a request!

The following Saturday, barely able to schlump from room to room in her gray lassitude, Vivvy was less than enthused when Trent continually prodded her to accompany him to the Ball. “Aw, c’mon, Viv.” Trent smiled. “It’ll be good for you to get out and see everyone. I know people are wondering how you’re doing.”

“Trent, I…” Vivvy shook her head, palms aloft. “I just...I don’t feel up to it. I’m sorry.”

“Please, Viv?” Squeezing her shoulder, Trent’s emerald eyes pleaded, and after all of his kindness, a thin layer of guilt settled over Vivvy’s pale skin. “Come on. Just one hour. Then we can leave.”

Vivvy sighed, nodding in resignation. “Oh...alright. I suppose one hour couldn’t hurt.” 

Choosing a pink dress from Joliet that barely zipped over her broad frame, Trent helped Vivvy with her makeup, which didn’t result in the most deft of applications, though Vivvy figured she wasn’t trying to impress anyone, so she shrugged it off as they made their way to the abandoned factory. 

Music pulsing, Trent sweetly brought Vivvy a cosmopolitan and it wasn’t long before Florian took the floor, tapping the microphone to get the crowd’s attention. “Alright, alright, everybody!” Flashing his stellar smile, Florian held his arms wide. “I am, as you probably know, Florian the Fabulous. But before we kick things off tonight, we have a little business to take care of. This place…” Gesturing to the rafters, Florian touched a hand to his chest. “Is a home for our community. And when one of us is down, it’s our job to come together, and lift them up. Now, I don’t know how many of you heard…” Florian held up his palm. “But our lovely Miss Vivvy, she lost her husband this last week. I know our boy Trent here made some calls…” 

Vivvy’s sharp jaw dropped as she looked between Florian and Trent, who shrugged sheepishly. “So Vivvy, come on up here.” Florian motioned for her to join him and Vivvy awkwardly stepped forward, swallowing as she glanced around at the throng. “Sit on down, honey.”

Vivvy took a chair behind the judges table, hands splayed on its surface. “Oh, I...I don’t…” She muttered softly, before Florian reached underneath, lifting up a large glass pickle jar.

“Okay folks. Dig deep. I know Vivvy here helped a lot of you out when you needed it, so…” Clapping his hands, Florian stepped back, and before Vivvy could fathom what was happening, the entire room lined up to deposit coins and bills.

But not just that. As they leaned in to offer their condolences, Vivvy’s chosen family presented her with clothing, makeup, shoes, jewelry, handwritten notes, and flowers; until a bounty of love overflowed the table in front of her, Vivvy running out of ways to say thank you as rivulets of tears cascaded over her beautiful face.

Trent helped her bag up the gifts as Vivvy struggled to compose herself and the judges assembled for the first category. “Trent, I…” Shaking her head, she followed him to the doors. “I don’t know what to say…”

“Aw, Viv, don’t worry about it.” Trent hitched one of the garbage bags up on his shoulder as they stepped outside. “You deserved it. Really.” Walking down the steps, Trent shook his head. “After everything you’ve done to help everyone, and--”

Vivvy took his face in both hands, swooping in for a kiss. Trent dropped the bag, littering the stairs with tumbling bouquets, shoes, and dresses as he froze beneath Vivvy’s touch. “Thank you.” Blue eyes wet, Vivvy combed back his sandy blond hair before touching her lips to his cheek once more. “Truly. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough.”

Trent cleared his throat. Cleared it again. “Yeah. That’s...okay. Yup.” Nodding, he started to clean up the fallen items and Vivvy giggled, shaking her head and patting his shoulder before she bent down to help.

***

Never having lost someone close, Vivvy discovered the nature of grief to be like the hydra, sprouting three heads anytime she thought she conquered one, roaring into her consciousness and leaving her restless.

Once her hands healed, Vivvy took Trent up on his offer to get her a job at the deli. Trimming her elegant, manicured nails, filing them down to the quick and erasing the last of their bright color pained Vivvy more than she expected, but it was an unfortunate necessity. Though it was strange for her and Trent to address each other by different names during the day, there was something comforting about having someone else around who also wore a mask for society. It was as if, when their eyes met while slicing meats or scooping salads, they shared a secret code word, and a smile bloomed between them at the knowledge that, aprons hung and hairnets removed, they could go home and be themselves.

As the months ticked on toward Winter, Vivvy contributed to the House with her paycheck, and was able to rejoin the dance class. At first she considered getting her own place again, but after discussing it with Gabe, Vivvy decided being alone no longer held the same appeal. Though it was strange from time to time as the only woman in the group, for instance the fellows couldn’t seem to comprehend why Vivvy would spend such an inordinate amount of time getting ready for the Balls on Saturdays when they rarely took more than half an hour, Vivvy truly enjoyed the company.

Though Vivvy’s woe didn’t leave her, the shadow perhaps became more familiar, and in that way, easier to bear. The first time a tall man with red hair came into the deli, offering Vivvy a kind smile, she urgently called Trent forward before rushing to the back to hide her crying face. He didn’t even look like Conrad. Not really. But in those first raw weeks, it was far too much to bear.

Then, after a silly day in which she and Trent went to Coney Island, blowing almost the entirety of their weekly pocket money on corndogs and rides, running about foolishly and not giving a damn who saw, Vivvy laid her head on the pillow as night fell, smiling, until she sprang up, hand to her mouth in horror.

Not once. Vivvy hadn’t thought about Conrad once the entire day. From the time she burst out of bed that morning, excitedly wiggling into her new red dress until she and Trent laughed themselves to tears on the final subway home, Conrad’s face, his voice, his body, never entered her mind.

The realization hit her with a fresh wave of misery, Vivvy frantically trying to summon any and every memory of Conrad she could to her consciousness, tucking them around herself as she fell asleep in hopes they would keep her chilly soul warm.

But slowly, gradually, things did get better. Vivvy worked. Spent time with friends. Went to the Balls. And one week, Trent even managed to convince her to walk. It was a couples’ Decades Dance category, the two of them spending the previous week scouring thrift stores to find a suitable costume with the goal of turning Vivvy into the perfect pink lady alongside Trent’s greaser.

Snapping on her satin bra, Vivvy shrugged into the hoop skirt and picked up one of the saddle shoes before she heard a knock at her door.

“Oh, hello Trent.” 

As soon as he caught sight of her underwear, Trent slapped a hand over his eyes. “Oh, um...I’m sorry, I’ll…” Groping blindly for the wall, Trent nodded. “I’ll come back when you’re decent.”

“Trent…” Vivvy giggled, shaking her head. “It’s fine. Truly. Did you need something?”

Peeling his hand away, Trent glued his gaze to the ceiling. “Alright, um…” Sharply inhaling, Trent held his breath. “Viv, I...I can’t go with you to the Ball tonight.”

Arms falling to her side, Vivvy tilted her head. “Why not? Do you not feel well or something?”

“No, it’s not…” He looked to her face for a moment before lifting again. “Nothing like that, it’s just, um…” Chewing his lip, Trent’s hands fisted and splayed at his sides. “Vivvy, I...I, um…” Trent shifted his weight from side to side, blinking rapidly. “It…” Exhaling, Trent closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I have feelings for you.” Trent covered his face, taking a shuddering breath. After a moment of silence, during which Vivvy stared at him dumbfounded, his voice came out waterlogged and tremulous. “And I, um…” Exposing his dewy gaze, Trent slid his jaw to the side, sniffing. “I just can’t do it anymore. It...it hurts too much, Viv. I...being around you, and dancing with you, and…” Trent stared at the floor, blinking tears down his round cheeks. “I can’t take it. So I’m...I...I don’t want you to have to go anywhere.” Barely whispering, Trent rubbed his elbow with the opposite hand. “I know how much you like it here. And I know…” Swallowing hard, Trent gritted his teeth. “I know you don’t...I mean, I know...I know you only like real men, so…” Trent quickly swiped the offending moisture from his face, turning away. “Alright, so...yeah. I’ll just...leave you alone…”

“But…” Vivvy held up her hand, blinking and shaking her head as Trent went back to his room. “The saddle shoes…”

Vivvy heard Trent’s door close. The shoe clattered to the floor from her opening hand. She stared out into the empty hallway, before glancing down at herself. Undoing the hoop skirt, she stepped out, looking from side to side to make sure no one was around before stepping over to Trent’s door.

“Trent?” Vivvy knocked cautiously. No answer. “Trent? Honey, let me in.” 

Opening, Trent hid his face, a sliver of his body visible. “Vivvy, don’t.” Gasping, Trent’s voice wavered as he gripped the door with white knuckles. “You don’t need to try to make me feel better, okay? Just...just leave me alone.”

Trying to shut her out, Vivvy wedged herself in the opening. “Trent…” Voice soft, she leaned in to him, touching his shoulder. “Just let me come in, alright? I want to talk to you.”

Relenting, Trent stepped back, pulling his collar up to wipe his face as Vivvy stepped inside wearing her pink satin bra and panties, shutting the door behind her. “Viv, please.” Trent faced the wall, curled in on himself. “We...let’s not do this, okay? I know you don’t...it’s not…”

“You’re right.” Vivvy took a hesitant step forward, raising her hand to cup Trent’s face, cheeks pink and eyes puffy. “Trent, I...I do like real men.” Cobalt gaze darting between his red-rimmed eyes and quivering lips, Vivvy dipped down to capture his mouth.

Sob of relief wrenching from his chest, Trent’s palms came to Vivvy’s cheeks, breaking away to study her smiling face. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” Vivvy giggled, draping her arms around his shoulders before linking their lips for another salty kiss. Whether Trent was laughing or weeping, it was difficult to say as Vivvy gently opened his mouth, tongue inching past his teeth.

Arms falling to her waist, Trent emitted a moan of delight as their heads tilted to deepen the kiss, Vivvy’s fingers weaving into his light hair. Breaking away, Trent traced kisses along her crisp jawline, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and gathering Vivvy into a warm embrace. “Vivvy, I…” Trent squeezed her tight. “I’ve wanted you for so long…”

Rubbing circles into his back, Vivvy smiled. “I’m glad you said something.” Vivvy leaned back, threading her fingers through his hair. “I...I think I would’ve gone far too long without realizing you were right here the whole time.”

Trent chuckled, hands flowing up and down her sides. “Vivvy, I, um…” Smirking, if possible, his face turned a deeper shade of pink. “I’m suddenly very aware you’re...well, you don’t have much on…”

Biting her lip, Vivvy’s prominent eyebrows shot up as she caressed his cheek. “Is that a problem?”

“Um…” Trent tried to ground the smile on his face and failed miserably. “No...no, I guess not.” 

Vivvy drew her nose down the side of his face, large hand stroking Trent’s arm. “Trent…” Voice a sultry whisper, she leaned in and touched a kiss to the spot below his ear. “Do you want to get in bed?”

Breath hitching, Trent’s finger’s tightened about her hips. “What about...the...the Ball?”

Exhaling, Vivvy molded herself against him. “Fuck it.”

With a shudder, Trent latched onto Vivvy’s face, walking her backwards to the bed. Slinking down to the low mattress together, Vivvy crawled back and Trent eagerly followed, her shapely legs opening beneath him.

“Hey Viv, um…” Doing what he could to hide his trembling, Trent brushed back her chestnut waves. “I haven’t...well, I’m just going to put it out there. I haven’t been with anyone since becoming, you know, myself. So...I’m a bit rusty with all of this.” A tittering chuckle escaped him as Trent found it difficult to look directly into Vivvy’s stunning sapphire eyes. 

“I’m out of practice, too,” Vivvy smiled up at him, tickling under Trent’s chin. “And, well, I haven’t been with someone who has…” Glancing down between them, Vivvy raised a dark eyebrow. “Not since I was very young, so...Trent,” Vivvy examined his nervous green gaze. “Honey, would you tell me what you like?”

“Um....” Eyes darting, Trent shifting onto Vivvy's thick thigh. “I... maybe if you just... touch me? A little? Honestly Viv, you turn me on so much, anything you do is going to be great. And your hands…” Picking up the right one, Trent swallowed and unconsciously licked his lips. “They're so sexy. I love them.”

Smirking, Vivvy raised an amused eyebrow. “What?” Vivvy despised her hands. Thought them massive, ugly, and worst of all, unladylike.

“Yeah…” Trent traced down the length of her fingers with his own. “They're so fucking beautiful, Viv.”

“Oh... well…” Leaving his grasp, Vivvy bit her lip and slithered down until she breached the waistband of Trent's boxers. Vivvy found him incredibly wet as she spread Trent’s pussy open and began circling his clit with her fingertips. “How's that?”

A tiny gasp broke from Trent as he rolled his hips forward. “Yeah, that’s...that’s good.” Looking down at Vivvy’s erection unfurling beneath her panties, Trent touched a hand to her hip. “How about you? What do you like?”

Vivvy inched down her panties to expose herself. “Just...like you said, I suppose. Touch me, and…” Tucking back an errant strand of Trent’s hair, she smiled. “We’ll figure it out together. But…” Shifting her eyes away, Vivvy swallowed. “Not my chest, please. If that’s alright.”

“Of course.” Trent nodded. “Yeah, I don’t...I’d rather you just...ignored mine, too.”

Grinning, Vivvy hooked her free hand around the back of Trent’s neck, pulling him toward her lips as his fingers wrapped around her cock. Trent pumped her lightly, rutting into Vivvy’s touch while their tongues twirled.

Before long, Vivvy thrust herself vigorously into the warm circle of Trent’s palm while he ground down onto her fiddling fingers. “ _ Oh Vivvy! Viv! Yes! Fuck!” _ Losing control of his voice, Trent’s moaning became high and needy and he buried his mouth in the crook of Vivvy’s neck, panting a moist, warm spot into her skin. Vivvy turned into him, brushing kisses to his cheek as she raced over his clit.

“ _ Viv! Oh fuck! Viv! Yes! Fuck! Vivvy!” _ Folding against her, an earthquake like Vivvy never witnessed before erupted through Trent, his eyes nothing but white as the sounds of his ecstasy entered silence. In that moment Vivvy realized that her experimental encounter with Lucille might not have been that enjoyable on her part, as her body certainly underwent nothing of the sort in their time together. 

Dragging a hand down his face, Trent took a couple of breaths to steady himself before nodding and resuming his ministrations. Fingers encasing Vivvy, he claimed her lips, licking into her mouth as he feverishly yanked her begging cock. Vivvy’s limbs began to scramble and she couldn’t maintain their kiss, whimpers of desire trickling from her as her eyes fluttered and her heels kicked.

“ _ Trent! Trent, yes! Don’t stop!” _ Frenetically humping in hopes of increased friction, Vivvy writhed beneath him and Trent looked cautiously over his shoulder at the door.

“Viv, you want me to use my mouth?” Trent whispered urgently.

“ _ Oh fuck! Yes! Pl- _ -” Clamping a hand over her moaning lips, Trent shuffled down her body, tight heat of his throat enveloping her thick cock. Trent’s finger’s barely stifled her shriek as Vivvy fisted into his hair, muscular legs flexing as he hollowed his cheeks and bobbed rapidly.

Vivvy tapped his shoulder hastily to warn him, releasing her grip, but Trent remained submerged as she froze. A huffing whine left Vivvy’s exposed nose as warm, salty cum painting the back of Trent’s throat, leaving Vivvy gasping and shivering.

Trent ascended her body, lifting Vivvy’s panties as he went, and molded himself against her. When Vivvy shifted onto her side, he gratefully hoisted her leg over his hip, kneading her thigh, smile boundless.

Blinking back to reality, Vivvy glanced around his room at the astronomical images. “Trent, honey.” She murmured, fingers threading through his sweat dampened hair. “Can I ask...why do you like the pictures of the night sky so much?”

Sighing, Trent rolled onto his back to look at the walls. “Well, I guess it’s…” Trent stuck out his lower lip, knitting his eyebrows together. “You know the stars? By the time we see them. They’ve already changed so much. They could actually look completely different. Be another color. Another shape. Hell, be gone entirely.” Shrugging, a tiny smile played over Trent’s lips. “I don’t know. I just think that’s really mysterious and beautiful.”

Vivvy beamed, touching a kiss to his soft cheek. “Yes. Yes it is.” Tucking herself into his warmth, Trent’s arm held Vivvy close and the two of them floated off into a sated sleep.

***

Perhaps it was a bit juvenile, but there was something about the need for her and Trent to sneak around, to hide their passion, that Vivvy found devastatingly erotic. Neither of them were precisely sure how Gabe would react were he to find out they were together. Frankly, it wasn’t an issue the House faced before. With the exception of Alexis, who, Vivvy found out eventually, identified as neither man nor woman, but outside of the bounds of gender (though he said he didn’t mind being referred to as a man for convenience’s sake) none of the other’s dated men. And even for Alexis it was a rarity, and he tended to prefer older gentlemen, so there was never any risk of him canoodling with his roommates. 

And so Vivvy and Trent waited until everyone was asleep, tiptoeing between rooms with suppressed giggles and covered moans. Occasionally they would have a mutual day off, and if they were especially fortunate, get a few hours with the place to themselves.

Vivvy never had any complaints about her sex life with Conrad. It was amazing and he always made her feel beautiful and wanted. But there were some realities of being with an older man. Often Vivvy would be the one to initiate. There were a handful of instances where he was simply too exhausted from work. It wasn’t a problem, merely the way things were from time to time.

Not so with Trent. His hunger for her was insatiable. Positively pawing at Vivvy with every conceivable opportunity, Vivvy adored how his hands were never far from her pallid skin, his lips voracious in their search for her mouth, how Trent wanted nothing more than to make her scream with any moment available. It left Vivvy with a secret smile and a blush wherever she went, the way Trent’s viridescent gaze followed her around a room almost convincing her she might indeed be sexy.

When their boss Mr. Bartow caught them kissing while retrieving a wheel of parmesan, at first Vivvy froze, brain scuttling about in a panic, wondering how they were going to explain the scene. But when Mr. Bartow merely grunted and said, “Alright. ‘Nuff of that. Back to work.” Vivvy remembered what they both looked like in their everyday costumes. She supposed, to anyone else in the world, they appeared like a sweet, average couple. Normal. Though, perhaps, Mr. Bartow might’ve found it curious why it was her arms around Trent’s shoulders and his hands on her ass, but if so, he didn’t say anything.

Piles of snow continued to litter the sidewalks as Vivvy and Trent strolled hand in hand to Ballroom one Saturday in March, excited to cast off the week’s anxieties on the dance floor. Twirling Vivvy out, only to spin her back to himself, Trent reveled in not having to hide his affection as his hands roamed over her tall frame, swiveling against her with a smirk. 

“Damn, Viv…” Trent murmured, tucking a dark tendril behind her joined ear. “You’re the sexiest woman alive, you know that?”

Vivvy giggled, eyes closed and head shaking. “Why do I get the feeling you’re just trying to get under my skirt later?”

“And if I am?” Trent wiggled his eyebrows, dipping Vivvy low, mouth an inch away from her pink lips.

Vivvy smiled. “I suppose that wouldn’t be so bad.”

Slow song starting, Vivvy draped her arms over Trent’s shoulders. Trent gazed into her sapphire eyes, reaching up to caress her sharp cheekbone. “Hey Viv?”

“Yes?”

Gnawing on his lips, a tension gathered around Trent’s soft mouth, a line forming between his emerald gaze. “I, um…” Swallowing hard, Trent’s feet stopped moving and his hand fell from Vivvy’s waist. “I...I love you, Vivvy.” 

Vivvy stared back at Trent blankly and, unable to bear her silence, Trent looked away. “I’m...I’m sorry if...if I shouldn’t have said that, but…” Shoulders hiking up, Trent gave a small nod. “I...it’s been inside me for so long. I...I couldn’t hold back anymore.” Blinking, Trent’s mouth settled into a flat line as he studied the floor.

Vivvy cupped Trent’s chin, stepping into him. “Trent, I…” Resting their foreheads together, she grinned. “I love you, too.”

“Really?” Hands going to her waist, Trent bit his lower lip to restrain his smile.

Nodding, Vivvy bobbed both of their heads and Trent chuckled. Fusing their lips, all thoughts of music, of dancing faded, Vivvy and Trent melting into one another amidst the pulsing crowd on the floor.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story. I know it's a niche interest, and I truly appreciate it. This is my first time completing a NaNoWriMo challenge, and I loved it. Vivvy means so much to me and it was a joy to bring this to life. Thanks again.

Sleeping in on her day off, Vivvy padded to the kitchen and found Trent, halfway through an apple and sandy hair sticking up in all directions. “Good morning.” Vivvy smiled, tightening her silken robe about herself as she snapped off a banana and leaned against the counter, balancing on one foot.

Trent stared down at her exposed legs, chewing slowly. “Morning…” 

Giggling, Vivvy peeled her fruit, glancing cautiously around the empty room. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

A slow smirk spread over Trent’s face. “Don’t pretend you don’t know why, Viv.” Trent had a habit that drove Vivvy wild. Sidling up to her, one hand would barely graze the side of her waist while his green eyes tethered to hers. Then, without warning, Trent would snatch her ass, yanking their hips together, inevitably shaking a gasp from Vivvy as she found herself an inch from his face. “Hey there…”

“Hello…” Vivvy leaned in, but Trent evaded her mouth, moving down the length of her neck instead, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin below her ear until Vivvy’s pink lips parted with an audible gasp.

“Something you two wanna tell me?” 

Springing apart, Trent and Vivvy stared wide eyed at Gabe, arms crossed and half smiling as he stood by the kitchen table.”Oh, um…” Trent’s eyes slid over to Vivvy, swallowing. “Shit. I’m...sorry. We…” Trent sighed, letting his shoulders drop. “Yeah. We’re...we’re together.”

Gabe nodded slowly, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “How long?”

“Since right after Christmas.” Chewing on her lip, Vivvy raised a vast shoulder apologetically.

Rocking back and forth on his heels, Gabe sighed. “Well, it hasn’t caused any problems so far that I've seen, so…” Gabe shrugged, sticking out his lower lip. “I don’t know how long you can keep it that way. But…” Palms aloft, Gabe shook his head. 

“Thanks.” Trent smiled. “We’ll...yeah. Try our best.” Vivvy nodded in agreement. Though breakfast was mildly awkward, after Vivvy followed Trent back down the hall.

“So…” Vivvy took Trent’s hand, glancing around his cramped bedroom and the melting snow outside of the window. “Now that, well…” Swallowing, a tiny smile played over Vivvy’s pink lips as she looked to the floor. “Do you think...I don’t know...maybe we should...find our own place?”

“Yeah?” Cupping her cheek, Trent beamed. “You’d really want to?”

Vivvy nodded excitedly. “Yes. Very much.” Trent tugged her into his arms, swaying them back and forth with a contented sigh. 

Once May rolled around, Vivvy and Trent hauled their secondhand furniture into their tiny studio, sweating and smiling once their boxes were unpacked. Though Vivvy would miss the others around the House, she had to admit living alone with Trent came with a plethora of perks.

First of all, she could walk around in her underwear whenever she pleased. Though this, of course, meant Trent constantly came up behind to haul her back toward their bed with a squeal. Vivvy also didn’t have to fight for shower time, or deal with any of the unkempt habits of some of the others. Thankfully Trent was quite tidy, and the two of them quickly fell into a symbiosis of cooking and cleaning, spending their days at the deli and their nights in one another’s arms.

After a particularly harried day in which a bleach bottle blonde woman shouted at Vivvy over the half pound of potato salad she requested containing too much mustard, she slogged home and checked the mail, unearthing a large manila envelope addressed to her old name with several forwarding postmarks.

Vivvy opened it and found a long, complicated document containing her name, Conrad’s name, and a slough of legalese she couldn’t begin to wrap her head around. Checking the return address, Vivvy read:  _ Law Firm of Lancolm, Breyer, and Mitchum _ followed by an address a mere ten blocks away. Glancing at the clock, Vivvy tucked the mail away, resolving to walk to their office tomorrow.

Envelope under her arm, Vivvy entered the intimidating glass building, scanning the elevator guide for the corresponding office and going up to the fifth floor. Peeking her head in, the room reeked of leather and mahogany, and a prim blonde sat behind the desk, fingers typing furiously as she spoke into a headset.

Vivvy awkwardly shifted her weight from side to side, tugging self-consciously on the hem of her magenta blouse before the receptionist finally ended her call. “Yes, may I help you?”

“Hello, I, um…” Stepping forward, Vivvy held out the document. “I got this in the mail and...I don’t know what it means, but it came from this office. Is there someone I could speak with?”

Scanning the papers, she nodded. “One moment, let me page Mr. Mitchum. He’s the one handling your case. I believe he’s returned from lunch.”

Vivvy took a step back, intertwining her fingers to keep from fidgeting. Within a few minutes a short, thin man with a shock of gray hair came down the hall in an impressive navy suit. “Yes? How may I help you?”

“Hello, um…” Once more holding the papers forward, Vivvy folded her lips under. “I received this in the mail. I didn’t...I wasn’t sure what it was all about, so…”

Mr. Mitchum looked down at the document, then his eyes, almost precisely the same shade of gray as his hair, slowly crawled over Vivvy. “You’re...you’re Victor Van Kimpton?”

Vivvy cleared her throat, pink hue rising to her cheeks. “I...I prefer Vivvy, but...yes. That’s my legal name.”

“Hmm…” Turning down the top page, Mitchum lifted an eyebrow. “May I...see some identification, please? Not to...I would have to ask for it regardless, you understand. It’s not just...” Casting his eyes away, he tugged down his jacket with a nod.

“Alright…” Vivvy fished around in her purse for her wallet, holding out her license. After looking carefully between the ID photo and her makeup adorned face and deeming it a match, Mitchum handed it back to her. 

“Well, Mr, sorry, Ms, Van Kimpton, if you would like to come back to my office.” Vivvy timidly followed him down the hall, entering a tastefully decorated room where Mitchum sat behind a handsome wooden desk and she took the chair opposite.

“We’ve been trying to contact you for some time, Ms. Van Kimpton.” Perching wire framed reading glasses on his nose, Mitchum flipped through the papers. “Thomas Bennett tried to fight the will in court, but it seems Conrad’s wishes were ironclad, so…”

Tilting her head, Vivvy blinked in confusion. “I’m sorry, what are you talking about? What wishes?”

“Conrad’s estate.” Mitchum stated simply. “His brother, Thomas, did what he could to try and disinherit you. But after a year it seems he’s hit a wall. The…” Sticking out his lower lip, Mitchum narrowed his eyes. “8.42 million is yours in its entirety. It seems Conrad also desired for you to take possession of his apartment. Unfortunately, Thomas already sold it at a profit, so I’m not exactly sure what legal recourse you would have, but I can certainly look into it if you--”

“Eight...eight  _ million?”  _ Vivvy’s hand clutched the desk. Breath whooshing out of her, the edges of her vision hazy. Were she not already sitting down, Vivvy would’ve fainted. As it was, she folded forward, hand on her chest, trying to breathe.

“Miss...Miss Van Kimpton, are you alright?” Springing up, Mitchum came around, touching a hand to her shoulder as Vivvy told herself to inhale, to exhale.

“Eight million...as in dollars? I...I mean...money? That’s...that’s mine?” A white ring of alarm grew around her blue eyes as she examined his face, waiting for the joke, the trick, but Mitchum broke out in a wide smile.

“Ah,” Patting her back, he stood up. “I...well, I was under the impression you knew, Miss Van Kimpton.” Mitchum leaned against his desk with a chuckle. “This is fun. I don’t get to do this often. Yes. The money is all yours. Well…” Teetering a hand in the air, Mitchum screwed up his face. “After taxes, of course.”

Covering her face with both hands, a sob broke from Vivvy and she curled forward, shaking her head. “I’m sorry…” Voice tremulous, she wiped her eyes. “I just...I had no idea. Conrad, he...he never told me…”

“Well,” Mitchum stepped back behind his desk, opening a file cabinet and rifling through. “The arrangements were made only a few months before his death. I remember thinking it was odd. Conrad, he…” Mitchum smiled. “I knew him since Harvard. Good man. I thought it was strange that he was leaving everything to someone who wasn’t related to him, but we weren’t especially close, so…” Shrugging, Mitchum lifted out a folder. “I didn’t want to pry.”

Vivvy took a couple of tissues from the box on his desk, wiping her face. “Oh, well, we were...he was…” Folding them in her hands, Vivvy gave a watery smile. “I loved him very much.”

Mitchum nodded solemnly. “Well, obviously he loved you, too, Miss Van Kimpton. Here,” Holding out an envelope, he grinned sadly. “There’s...I don’t know what’s in this, but, my instructions were to give it to you and no one else.”

Vivvy eyed the letter, fingers tracing the edges. Part of her wanted to rip it open then and there, but she restrained herself, tucking in into her purse with a nod. “Thank you.”

“Alright, Miss Van Kimpton, it won’t happen overnight, but if you give me your banking information, a blank check will do, I’ll get started and we can have the funds transferred. If you have an accountant, perhaps he should--”

Vivvy laughed, bringing a shaky hand to her brow. “I...I don’t even have a bank account.”

Chuckling, Mitchum shook his head. “Well, Miss Van Kimpton, I suggest you get one. This isn’t the kind of money one can hide under the mattress.”

“I’ll...I’ll work on it.” Vivvy beamed, nodding. Mr. Mitchum gave her his card, telling her to call once she had a financial structure in place and Vivvy wobbled out of the office on jellied legs, unsure what to do with herself.

Arriving back home, Trent stood over the stove, flipping a grilled cheese. “Hey Viv.” Trent looked up, and catching Vivvy’s dazed expression, he furrowed his brow. “Vivvy?” Turning off the burner, he set the pan aside and took her by the shoulders, leading her to one of the kitchen chairs. “Honey, what’s...what’s wrong?”

Giggling, Vivvy covered her mouth “Nothing.” Vivvy shook her head, fresh tears trickling down her face. “It’s...it’s…”

“Viv, Viv, you’re scaring me.” Trent combed back her dark tresses, taking hold of Vivvy’s face. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s, um…” Voice shaking, Vivvy grasped his hands. “Trent, it’s Conrad, he...Trent, he…” Smile radiant, Vivvy let out a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. “He left me all his money. All of it. I...I just went to the lawyers and found out.”

“Oh!” Trent caressed her cheek, standing. “Vivvy, that’s great. I bet that’ll help out a bit. How nice that he was thinking about you if something happened to him.”

“No…” Vivvy squeezed his wrist. “Trent, you...you don’t understand.” Dark blue eyes flooded, she smiled up at him. “Conrad gave me over eight million dollars.”

Mouth falling open into a perfect ‘O,’ Trent’s eyebrows shot up as he blindly groped for the chair, giving up when he couldn’t find it and deciding to simply sit on the floor. “Ohhh holy fucking shit.” Pushing back his flop of light hair, Trent shook his head. “Are...for real, Viv?”

“Yes.” Vivvy nodded exuberantly. Then, excitement building in her since the trip from Mitchum’s office, Vivvy jumped up, hauling Trent to his feet. “ _ YES!” _ Screaming, they spun around the kitchen, arms linked and eyes wet with jubilation.

It took them several hours to calm down, Vivvy waxing on about all the things she wanted to do once she got the money, insisting they were both going to quit working at the deli and move into a nicer building immediately. But eventually, weary from his long day behind the counter, Trent’s responses became monosyllabic and his eyes heavy, Vivvy kissing his forehead before covering him with a blanket and turning out the light.

Once Trent’s breathing was slow and deep, Vivvy crept to her purse, retrieving the letter before quietly going into the bathroom to read.

_ My Dearest Vivvy, _

_ You know I’m not a religious man, but I pray you never have to read this letter. I pray we have years, decades in front of us, ages in which I can wake up to your smile, go to bed with you in my arms. _

_ But, if that is not the case, I am truly sorry, my love. Sorry to have left you alone. I can only hope the contents of the will are some small mercy. Because I can’t imagine what it would be to live this life without you.  _

_ I am deeply sorry that you have to open this letter on an envelope that contains a name that saddens you. Were there another way, I would do it. But unfortunately, this is the world we live in. _

_ Please know that however much time we had together, you made it the best of my life. Vivvy, you were, you are, the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful woman I have ever met. I will never, ever understand how I came to be so fortunate to have you as my wife. Thank you for everything you are and everything we have. You are forever my darling. Forever my Miss Vivvy. _

_ I love you, _

_ Conrad _

Pressing the tear-spotted letter to her lips, Vivvy sniffed, sitting back and staring at the ceiling in silence. Over a year. A year later, and Conrad, her Conrad was still taking care of her. Though Vivvy’s love for Trent was true and deep, her skin, her heart, her soul would always ache for the loss of Conrad’s adoring arms.

***

As promised, it took time, but once Vivvy became an honest to goodness millionaire, she didn’t hesitate to spread the wealth. After ensconcing herself and Trent in a respectable but modest two bedroom house, rejoicing in never having to share walls, much less serve sandwiches, again, Vivvy set about repaying some of the many kindnesses that came her way during her time in New York.

First, she paid off a year’s worth of rent for Ballroom, and convened with the judges to set up an emergency fund for those in need who could come before them whenever peril befell someone in their community.

Then, Vivvy quietly slipped an envelope across the table to Gabe over lunch one afternoon. Looking at her curiously as she kept her eyes down and continued to eat her pasta, when Gabe opened it and saw the check for a hundred thousand dollars, he flew into a panic attack so severe Vivvy frantically called Rob to help calm him down. Thankfully he was alright, and after much cajoling agreed to accept the money, Vivvy certain he would put it to good use to help those who came his way for assistance.

When Joliet came to Vivvy saying she tossed Gerald a freebie in order to get investment tips, Vivvy was horrified, particularly since she was in the process of buying an apartment building to be used by the women, and whoever else might need it, for rent-free housing so they would no longer have to put themselves in danger at the piers.

But, Vivvy dipped a toe into the market with Gerald’s suggestions and they turned out to be quite good. Great, in fact. And to Vivvy’s shock, she ended up richer than she began, funneling even more into the queer community in her continued efforts to make it a safe and secure space.

***

Tossing her keys on the counter as she entered, Vivvy shook the snowflakes from her jacket before hanging it in the hall closet and stepping out of her heels. “Trent?”

“In here.” Calling to her from the dining room, Vivvy strolled in to discover him hunched over the typewriter, as per usual. 

Kissing the top of his head, Vivvy rubbed Trent’s shoulders as he pulled a completed page free. “How’s it coming along?”

“Well.” Trent nodded. “Closing in on the first draft.” Swiveling in his chair, Trent took Vivvy about the waist with a smile. “How was your day?”

“Oh, pretty decent.” Combing back his hair, Vivvy swayed in Trent’s arms. “Just some shopping with the ladies. Nothing special.”

Trent eyed the bag dangling from her wrist and raised an eyebrow. “Did you get something sexy?”

Folding her lips under, Vivvy shrugged her broad shoulders. “Maybe…” 

Trent reached around to pinch her ass and Vivvy squeaked in delight. “You wanna go try it on? Show me?”

Sticking her tongue between her teeth, Vivvy did a little shimmy and Trent laughed before she disappeared up the stairs. Trent gave her a couple of minutes before he bounded up soon after. 

Walking into their bedroom, Trent’s eyebrows shot up when he spotted Vivvy sprawled on the bed in a pink lace bra and panty set, matching thigh highs hugging her shapely legs which she tantalizingly dangled in the air. “Ohhh Viv…” Trent shook his head, unbuttoning his jeans. “You are cruel sometimes, you know that?”

Vivvy rolled over with a giggle. “How am I cruel?” Smirking, she tossed back her dark curls. “It’s not as if I play hard to get.”

Laughing, Trent climbed in after her, hands gliding up her legs. “I suppose that’s true.” Capturing Vivvy’s pink lips, Trent settled between her thighs in his boxers, fisting his fingers in her brunette tresses with a contented sigh. “Mmm...damn.” Rolling his hips against her, Trent touched a kiss to the hinge of Vivvy’s sculpted jaw. “You’re so sexy it drives me crazy, Viv.”

Rolling her body against him with a chuckle, Vivvy nipped at Trent’s earlobe. “Good.”

Trent’s lips moved down her neck and over Vivvy’s collarbone, finger’s hooking into the waistband of her panties before he sat back on his heels to peel them away. Grasping her cock, Trent gave Vivvy a few tender strokes until she stiffened beneath his touch, biting his lip as he took in her lust laden form.

“Mmm...do you want me to fuck you, Viv?” Kneading her muscular thigh, Trent rubbed his thumb into her frenulum and Vivvy gasped.

“Yes.” Nodding insistently, Vivvy reached for his forearm. “Yes, please.”

Trent chuckled, standing and retrieving the strap on from the box beneath the mattress. Shrugging out of his boxers, he stepped into the harness before grabbing the lube from their bedside stand. Trent smeared some of the sticky liquid over his hand before slathering Vivvy’s entrance. Penetrating her with two fingers, he swirled and scissored them apart before curling up to flick against her prostate.

“Oh yes....” Vivvy gasped, arching her back and rotating her pelvis, bearing down onto Trent’s hand. “Right there…” Pulsing inside of her until Vivvy desperately tried to bury him further whilst Trent teased her cock, he bent down, kissing her parted lips and whispering softly.

“Do you want me inside you now, Viv? Hmm?” Lips tracing the line of her sturdy jaw, Trent ground the strap on into her hip. “You want me to fuck you hard? Huh, Viv?”

“ _ Yes!”  _ Vivvy snatched at his back, looping a leg around him and thrusting against Trent’s warm body. “ _ Yes! Fuck me!” _

Aligning himself with her entrance, Trent swiped the head over her a couple of times, tilting his head with an expression of mock concentration. “Like this? Is this what you want, Viv?”

A mewl of discontent escaped her and Vivvy raised her hips in a futile effort to draw Trent inside. “ _ Yes! Yes, please!” _

“Okay.” Trent chuckled, leaning forward to brush back Vivvy’s dark hair. “Okay, gorgeous. Here we go.”

Tilting his pelvis, Trent surged inside of Vivvy and she let out a fluttering gasp of relief as he enveloped her cock, starting to tug her in time with his swiveling hips. Fusing to Vivvy’s soft pink lips, Trent rotated inside of her expertly, Vivvy slamming herself onto him with high, faltering moans as her large hands clung to his back.

“ _ Oh Trent! Yes! Right there! Just like that!”  _ Left eye twitching, Vivvy’s body moved rapidly out of sync with Trent’s as she frantically sought release, thick thighs pistoning and sharp jaw dangling.

“Mmm...am I gonna make you cum?” Trent vehemently pounded Vivvy, wrist moving over her sensitive cock with lightning speed. “Are you gonna cum for me? Huh, Viv?”

Huffing whimpers morphing to shrieks as she smacked her hands to her own forehead and her spine arched, Vivvy cried out helplessly. “ _ Yes! Yes! I’m cumming! Trent!” _ Spine arching, Vivvy froze, eyes white and mouth open as her body flexed in silence. Cum shooting over her little belly and dotting the lace of her bra, a wavering whine left Vivvy as she trembled beneath Trent, who ceased his movements before caressing her flushed cheek.

Trent folded forward, balancing their sweaty foreheads together. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that.” Kissing her panting lips, he smiled. “So unbelievably beautiful, Viv.”

Offering a weary smile, Vivvy patted his shoulder, laying her head back as she tried to catch her breath. Trent extricated himself, shucking off the strap on before rejoining a recovering Vivvy in bed. 

Once she composed herself, Vivvy’s lengthy fingers found their way between his thighs before she quietly kissed her way down his abdomen. Spreading his legs, when Vivvy sent her sculpted jaw forward, tongue licking his wet pussy open to coax his swollen clit to ecstasy, Trent fisted his hands in her dark tendrils, gyrating against her chiseled features with a groan.

“ _ Viv! Fuck, yes! Please don’t stop! Vivvy! _ ” Lapping insatiably, the familiar flavor spurred Vivvy on and she hummed against Trent’s flesh as his thighs glued to her joined ears. Supple lips surrounding his engorged clit, Vivvy sucked until Trent started to quake around her, evidence of his desire dripping down her square chin.

“ _ Oh fuck! Vivvy! I’m cumming! Yes! Fuck! Fuck!”  _ Convulsing violently, Trent’s limbs rattled as he urgently pulsed his hips against Vivvy’s eager mouth. 

Vivvy rose, wiping her face and leaving a smile behind as she wiggled up next to Trent while he gulped oxygen.

Once he blinked himself back to the present, Trent gathered Vivvy into the curve of his body, pulling up the blanket to cover them. Taking his hand, Vivvy grinned at the matching rings before she brought their intertwined fingers to her heart. Vivvy’s tall frame nestled into Trent’s, content and warm. As they drifted, both Vivvy and Trent rested comfortably, knowing they truly possessed love and joy.

  
  


THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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